“If you want to hear those words so bad, say them yourself!”
She stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door.
How could he try to force her into a corner like that? He was the one who begged for her to come back, and in doing so, something frightening had been unleashed inside of her, something that said this was less about taking shoes with her when she left and more about experiencing him while she was here.
She wasn’t ready to go. All his talk about trust and surrender, he’d tapped into a part of her she hadn’t realized existed, a curious and eager part that wanted him, not because he’d coerced her or named her price, but because she really believed he wanted her too.
She’d been naïve to assume the physical act of sex could exist apart from emotional entanglement. For days she’d battled her emotions, unsure where this deluge of feelings had come from. Her life experience was limited. It didn’t compute with Lucian’s depth and understanding.
They’d just started to find their rhythm and now he seemed to be pushing her away. Why? Had he changed his mind?
After having Parker lay her bare and accuse her of being the one thing she wanted to avoid being, she was beginning to worry that was exactly what she had become.
No. Part of her couldn’t accept that. There was something deeper here between Lucian and her. Something emotional others couldn’t see and she didn’t fully understand. Maybe Lucian didn’t understand it either.
He tried to manipulate her, which he had done before, but this time was different. He was aiming at something final, something she wasn’t ready to give now that he’d convinced her to stay.
His emotions ran about as calm as rapids breaking over the shore. She never knew if an encounter would run smooth or turn into a choppy mess. He hurt her. What he’d just tried to do was unexpected and surprisingly upsetting. It was the action of a coward.
Chapter 22
Handle With Care
Lucian came into the bedroom only minutes after Scout had changed and climbed under the covers. Her pillow was damp with tears. The whisper of his clothing was the only sound as he quietly undressed in the dark, and then the mattress dipped as he climbed in beside her.
He slid over and pressed his body into hers. His mouth kissed her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Evelyn.”
She sniffled. “Why? Do you want me to go?”
He sighed. “No, but I need to know you’re here because you choose to be, not because of anything I’m providing for you or because you feel coerced. I know, in the beginning, that was all this was supposed to be, but my needs are changing. I need to know you’re here because you want to be.”
She turned and faced him, squinting to see his face under the shadows.
“Lucian, when people find out my background they’re automatically going to think I’m a gold-digging charity case. As someone who’s never had money, I can assure you I want it, but only if I earn it. That’s why I work. Being with you isn’t the same. I’m here now because I like being around you.
“The clothes, the fancy dinners, the perfumes and expensive salon treatments, they’re all very new and exciting, but none of it’s necessary. You like eating at fancy places that require appropriate clothing. I’d go with you in my jeans and sweatshirt if I knew it wouldn’t embarrass you.”
“Evelyn—”
“Let me finish. I don’t mean to say you’re shallow, I’m just saying you live in a different world than I’m used to, one I can’t afford.
“I could fill days with free things for us to do and still be very happy having your ‘company.’ When I came to you the other night it was by choice, not obligation. You’ve never made me feel like a paid-for whore. Please don’t think of all those gestures as deposits for my time. If you start thinking of our association that way it’ll only make it true. As much as I respect money and the power it wields, it’s not why I’m here. Something’s happened in the past few days—I’m not sure what—but I want to stay.”
He touched her cheek. “If I ever make you feel indebted, tell me. I do those things for you because I want to, because I don’t know any other way to show I care.”
“I know.” She smiled in the darkness and leaned in to softly press her lips to his. He stilled for a moment as if she surprised him, then slowly leaned into the kiss.
He pressed her back into the mattress as his mouth moved over hers with deliberate slowness. Her thighs pulled together as a small fire began to burn in her belly. His hand gently coasted over her hair and down to her shoulder. Something about his touch was different, softer.