Quickly, I pee on the test and then place it on the countertop, pacing the small bathroom. Oh god, oh god. What’s going to happen?
Nervous, I decide to draw myself a bath. The water gushes into the tub while I pull my clothes off and then step in. Meanwhile, the pregnancy stick sits on the ledge of the tub, taunting me. The test must be done now, but I can’t look. What will I do if it says that I’m pregnant?
I lay back in the hot water, eyes closed and absolutely terrified. My heart is pounding in my chest, and a sweat breaks out on my forehead. I can’t hear, and even my vision seems a bit fuzzy. Oh god, what’s happening to me?
As the water starts to grow cold, I realize I can’t put it off forever. I open my eyes and step out of the tub, careful not to peek at the answer on the test. I dry off and wrap a towel around me, securing the terry fabric securely about my breasts. Then, I take a deep breath, and look.
I’m pregnant.
For a moment, I’m ecstatic. I’m having Damon’s baby! I’ve fallen for this man, and carrying the handsome architect’s child is a dream come true. I’m ready to start a life and a family with him. I know it’s want I want, and I have never desired anything more.
But the problem is that clearly, this isn’t what he wants. After all, if he were serious, we would have told Lucy already. He would be introducing me to the world as his girlfriend, instead of carrying on this clandestine relationship. Not only that, but he never made the investment in my business that I requested. Saucy Nights is still no closer to getting off the ground, and if anything, at this point, I have to be real: he’s not going to provide any start-up capital. Damon doesn’t believe in me, nor in my idea. I’m just a fun time to the gorgeous alpha male.
My stomach drops because the truth stings. As much as it hurts, Damon looks down on me because of my job. While it’s okay to have a fling, he’d never consider marrying me or having children with me. He doesn’t want anything to do with my business even, much less creating a family.
With tears on my eyes, I look down and caress my stomach. Maybe the father doesn’t want this child, but with a rush, suddenly, I know that I want this baby. He or she was conceived in love, and while unexpected, I’m going to keep him. I whisper to my burgeoning bump, tears running down my cheeks.
“I love you sweetheart, and I promise that Mommy will take care of you no matter what.”
9
Rose
Two months later.
It’s been two months since I found out I’m pregnant, and I live at home with my parents in Duluth, Minnesota now. It was easier to escape New York that I thought it would be. I told Damon that I was going to visit my parents for a while, and he accepted it, more or less.
“When will I see you again?” he asked, dropping a kiss on my nose.
I smiled brightly, even if inside, I knew this was our final goodbye.
“Oh soon!” I trilled. “My mom, Mildred, is a little ill, so it might be a longer stay, but I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m able.”
Damon merely nodded and bent his head to suck on my nipple as I gasped and tossed beneath him. Our loving that night was especially heated, since it was going to be the last time for a while. Damon took me three times, and he seemed to come especially hard that final moment while looking deep into my eyes. But that’s all I have now: memories with my man, and it may have to last me for a lifetime.
After all, I’ve established a new life here. After I arrived on my parents’ doorstep, Mildred and Matthew were surprised to see me, but they understood. I fed them some bullshit about New York wearing me down and about feeling exhausted around the clock, and they patted my back soothingly.
“You’ll always have a place with us, sweetheart,” my mom murmured. “Do you want to bake some cookies together tomorrow?”
“In fact, your old bedroom is just the way you left it,” my dad added jovially while pouring some coffee. “Nothing’s changed!”
At that, I wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously. After all, now I’m sitting in my childhood bedroom, and it’s true, nothing’s changed. The walls are still a yellowish-green from when I went through my emo phase, and there are posters of Alexander Skarsgard in all his bare-chested glory hung up on the walls. My old teddy bear, Mr. Munch, looks at me with a smile from my tie-dye coverlet.