I did not belong.
Timothy should be here in the white tux. He should be the one to go through the Trials of Initiation and earn his membership to the Order. He should be the one to inherit my family’s oil company. Not me. They knew it. I knew it. Every single person in this room knew it.
I would always be the imposter.
“Are you ready for the Trials to begin?” Beau Radcliffe asked as he walked up to where I stood and patted my back. “I’m next in line, and I can tell you one thing… I don’t think I’ll be ready for this. If Sully failed it, then who’s to say we can pass this?”
“We both want to be a member of the Order. That’s the big difference.”
“Do we?” Beau mumbled as he took a sip of his drink, looking around the ballroom at all the members and all the Elders. “I understand why you do,” he added. “You’ve always tried to live up to his memory. You’ve been trying to live up to your father’s expectations too. I mean… I get it. I do. The Southern Gentleman curse is strong in all of us.”
I had been helping run my father’s business since high school. I had skipped college because what was the point in studying for anything but the world of oil? My career was set in stone the minute my brother died. The business was going to be mine, so what better education but to dive right in and learn every inch of the biz from good ol’ Pops. Did I want the job?
Did it matter?
Looking down at my scotch, I couldn’t decide if I should down it in one swallow or to not drink it at all. I knew I needed liquid courage, but my stomach twisted in knots as the large grandfather clock that mastered the ballroom ticked away. The hands of the face were golden sabers with tiny rubies, and there was no way to not stare as my time grew near.
The belles would be presented to us soon enough. We were all gathered and ready, and it was just a matter of minutes before they would begin the ceremony.
“You’re going to be okay,” Montgomery said as he walked up and stood next to Beau and me. Though he was my friend, he was now… different as he stood with his silver robe and the smell of member permeating from his Order energy. “I know this is intense. It wasn’t easy for me, and it wasn’t easy for Sully, but I want you to know you can do this.”
He looked at me closely, examining my face. “I also want you to know I don’t condone the shit they’re going to make you go through. I hate this. I do. I hate these Trials; I hate having to witness everything that happens. I’ll try my best to be there for you, but I also don’t want to fuck up your chances by getting involved.”
“How’s your fianceé feel about you attending all the fuck parties?” Beau asked as he finished off his drink in one big swallow and placed his glass down on a table to our right. “I can’t imagine Grace is happy that you attend all these.”
“She fucking hates it,” Montgomery answered without hesitation. “She hates the Order but understands why I want to be part of it. It’s my world, and she has accepted that. It’s our heritage and runs in our veins. But she also knows my cock belongs to only her, and she trusts my ass.”
He took a drink, glancing around at the other members who mingled as if it were just any ordinary cocktail party they were attending. “Somewhere along the line, the Order changed. It’s not the same as it was back when we were boys. I know I’ve said this, but I want to change it into something better again. Something better than it ever was. I have a bigger goal. A long-term goal in mind.”
He looked around at all of us. “But I can’t do this alone. I need you guys to become members. We need new blood that isn’t fucked up and tainted with Viagra and overpriced bourbon. We aren’t the only recruits coming in. The next batch will be soon after us and will have to endure the same shit unless we stop it. I truly don’t believe our great-great-grandfathers would have condoned some of this crap.”
Montgomery’s words sounded nice, but I didn’t exactly have such lofty goals. I was just trying to survive the night here. I scanned the room looking for my dad. I didn’t expect for him to approach me tonight as I was a lowly recruit and he was an Elder, but it still would have been nice to get his encouragement even in the smallest amount.