My nostrils flared. She was really going to push this? “Fine. It went fine. I didn’t throw the tray I was holding in his face or scream or cause a scene if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s not what I was asking,” she said mildly. “I was wondering how it made you feel seeing him again after these years away.”
I sagged back in my chair and threw my hands up in the air. “I don’t know! I don’t know how I felt!”
Except that wasn’t true. Dear God. When I ran into Rafe at that celebratory reception for the girl getting back home from the hospital, I just froze for a second. Because even though he looked different—older, more filled out—he was still Rafe.
And I was still Fallon.
And we were just us.
He’d been my best friend since I was little. I wanted to run over and hug him. I wanted him to hug me back. I wanted to cling to him and beg him to never let me go.
And then I wanted to punch him in his stupid fucking face for what he did to me. And yes, I wanted to scream at him and break things.
I wanted everything at once, and to run away, and it all hurt, and it felt good too, because any time I was in the presence of Rafe Jackson it felt better than the cold loneliness of not being in his presence and I—
“You know he’s of age now.” Mama H, already sitting close, leaned over so that her voice was right in my ear as she whispered, “He’s about to go through his Initiation for the Order.”
She pulled back and I had no clue what was on my face.
The Order.
Dear God. Rafe? Rafe was never supposed to go through the—
And then it sank in. Oh shit. Tim was gone. What the fuck, so they just moved on to the next in line? I blinked hard. Talk about the heir and the spare.
My heart squeezed in pain for Rafe. He’d always been little more than an extra, an afterthought, if even that, to his mother. She didn’t give two shits about him when he was a kid, oh no, not when she had his Shining Golden Child older brother Timothy to fawn all over.
And now for Rafe to be pushed into taking Tim’s place in the Initiation...
One night, Rafe told me what his friends talked about and this weird Initiation his older brother would have to go through as the eldest son. It seemed freaky as fuck, and I remember Rafe seeming so relieved it was nothing he’d ever have to do.
My throat went dry as it hit me all over again. Timothy was gone. Now Rafe was the eldest son. Oh Rafe. How could I want to comfort him and still want to slug him in the face all at the same time?
I swallowed again. “Is… is he okay?”
Mama H’s face softened. “Aye, the lad will do all right. Montgomery’s there to watch over him.”
I nodded. Montgomery had always been a bit stuffy but a good enough guy. He’d never been anything but nice to me, and for a Darlington Prep student, that said a lot.
As a poor kid on scholarship, most of the guys treated me like I’d been put on their campus as free, no-consequence pussy. Then they got pissy when I wouldn’t put out. Small wonder I dyed my hair black, wore goth make-up and embraced a perpetual Come-Near-Me-and-I’ll-Fuck-You-Up vibe. I was in fucking survival mode.
Rafe’s friends were the rare exception to the rule, I do remember that. And really, I’d had no idea just how bad high school could be. Rafe and Montgomery and the rest of them had probably shielded me far more than I ever knew. Even just being associated with them at all had likely been protection.
“Lass, can we take our drinks to go? Maybe you’ll take an old woman for a walk? It’d be good for these stiff joints.”
I jolted from my thoughts and gave her a look. “You know you’re a spry one, Mama H. You can’t fool me.”
She laughed, her eyes glinting as she gave me a wink. “Shhh, don’t give away my secrets. People expect less of an old woman. They forget I can still scheme.”
I tugged my purse on my shoulder and grabbed my coffee, pushing out my chair. “Okay, but where are we going?”
Mama H looked around and I saw that there were a couple pairs of eyes on us after all. Mama H kept her head high but cut her eyes to me. “Somewhere we can talk without any prying eyes or ears. It’s time you learned the truth about how me and your mama met.”
I frowned at her. “You met when she moved here.”
“Baby girl, didn’t you ever ask yourself why she ended up in Darlington? Or me, for that matter?”