She’d been mean to me on the playground today and told me no one wanted me there, and I should move to Mexico where I belonged. I was confused and told her I wasn’t Mexican. She just laughed and said I was so stupid I didn’t even know where I came from.
But I was born in Darlington County Hospital, same as she was, and I told her so.
That was when she hit me. When I was on the ground, she told me I was stupid again.
So, when I got home from school, I ran straight here to the barn behind Rafe’s house instead of going to wait out back of the kitchens like I usually did. I didn’t want Mama to see the bruise on my eye.
Stupid Julia. I kicked a hay bale, wishing it was her face.
That was when it happened.
I kicked the hay bale, and then the golden hay bale started to turn black. At first I was confused, and I bent over to see what had happened.
That was when I saw. I must have disturbed a nest of spiders, because they’d all come spilling out, little tiny spiders.
I started screaming but it was like I’d been paralyzed. Maybe they’d spit some paralyzing venom at me. That was what I thought, because I literally couldn’t move.
I hated spiders, always had, but it was never anything like this, being so close to what felt like a thousand thousand spiders, all spilling out of that tiny hole.
Down the hay bale they went, and out onto the floor and towards the sole of my boot.
Run away. I needed to run away!
But I was frozen. Just as frozen as I had been when Julia had said those horrible things and all the other girls had laughed and laughed at me. I hadn’t been able to say anything back or run away or do anything but take it and fight back tears because that would’ve made me look even stupider, even smaller in front of those mean girls.
And the spiders came swarming closer, closer, and all I could do was scream and watch them come. They were about to get me, to swarm up my little leg, to devour me until there was nothing left, nothing left. Just like I felt after Julia and her gang finally left me alone, it felt like there was nothing left inside—
They started up my boot and up my leggings. I screamed and screamed and felt light-headed and dizzy.
Run, run! my brain screamed, but my feet were stuck, and I couldn’t do a thing to save myself.
But then there was his voice.
“Fallon! Fall!”
Rafe.
My hero.
He swooped in right before all those spiders ate me up.
He yanked me backwards and swept all the spiders off me. He yanked off my boot and checked for spider bites. He took me up to his room and every time I said I felt another spider and felt like crying, he’d do an in depth “spider inspection” with a flashlight to assure me I was safe now.
He made everything better when I’d been sure I was a goner.
It all came back in a flood of memories.
Except this was no memory.
This was very, very real. And these weren’t innocent little barn spiders I’d unearthed. There was just enough light to see the big, fat, hairy backs of the little pests.
And the terrified adrenaline of when I was a paralyzed little girl was hitting me full force. Here I was screaming again, except Rafe couldn’t get to me this time.
And they were crawling up my legs. Oh God, they were on me. They were everywhere. I couldn’t get away. I couldn’t bat them off, if I touched them, they’d just get on my hands, and they’d bite, and they’d--
“Rafe!” I shrieked, “Rafe, help!” I hated that all I could do was scream like a girl. A pathetic, stupid girl.
But I was frozen, crying stupid useless tears, frozen, frozen while they crawled, up my legs under the dress, up the dress, up the lace, covering the white with black, covering, consuming. They’d eat me alive; I’d just be bones in a dress. Why wasn’t Rafe coming, why wasn’t he saving me this time?
“Rafe!” I screamed; except this time my voice was just a hiss. One of the spiders had made it onto my chest. It crawled up my neck and my voice was gone.
Oh God, it was so big. It was so big and hairy, its legs were so long.
I could barely breathe; except I was breathing too hard. I was going to pass out, my chest was moving up and down too fast.
I tried to freeze, to stop breathing, but I couldn’t stop, the panicked breaths kept coming, tears squeezed out my eyes, the spider made it up my neck. It was on my face, oh God, oh God it was on my face, my face, MY FACE, it was crawling, hairy legs across my lips—