“I’m so terribly sorry, Eli,” I whispered.
He nodded a few times, his head bobbing along with his Adam’s apple. He licked his lips, in lieu of words, and continued to nod. He looked utterly broken and I hated seeing him like that. I felt my own sadness creep through and turn to tears, not for me, but for him, for his mother, for his siblings, for the country. He took a deep breath and let it out, bringing a hand to my face. I nearly jumped at the contact, but was left confused when I felt him wipe a tear.
“You feel so much, Addie. Too much. Even for men you detest,” he whispered.
“I don’t detest him. I didn’t even know him.” I swallowed. “I know you. I feel for you.”
“God.” He breathed out, stepping forward and crashing my head onto his chest. “You’re too good to be true. Too good for anyone, definitely too good for me.”
I let him hold me in his arms, breathing him in as he spoke those words about me. I wasn’t too good to be true. I was just a girl trying to find my place in life. I thought I’d find happiness when I kicked off my company, or when I found a man who made me feel good, or when I finally started getting hired to do the big events I’d dreamed of. All of those things had made me happy for a while. As it turns out, finding happiness is an uphill battle. Being good only accounted for so much. Being good would get me nowhere with Elias. I’d have to settle for bits and pieces of moments like these. After what felt like an eternity, I pulled away, but kept my hands on his arms.
“Have you gone to the palace? To pay your respects?”
“I came here.” He blinked, shaking his head. “It was the only place I could think of to go.”
“God, Elias. You say things like that—”
“It’s the truth. I’m speaking the truth. After I spoke to my mother, my brother, my sister, you were the first person I wanted to see. The only person I wanted to see.”
“When do you have to leave?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Come. Get some rest.” I pulled him by the hand and led him to my bedroom, turning the lights off as we went.
I wasn’t sure why he’d come or why I’d been the first person he thought of. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to sleep with me or just lay beside me. The only thing I knew for sure was that after today, his life would change drastically and the chances of us ever seeing each other again were slim. So slim that the mere thought of it made my heart ache more. As I closed the door behind us and led him to my bed, I tried not to think about it. He took his shoes off with ease and pulled the light sweatshirt he was wearing over his head, tossing it aside. I walked to my side of the bed and watched him walk to the other. I was wearing tiny pink silk shorts and a silk tank top to match. He left off, wearing gray cotton joggers and a black T-shirt that clung to his muscled torso. He got in bed dressed. I met him halfway and put my arm around him as he put his around me.
“Everything is going to be okay,” I whispered as he brought his face to the crook of my neck.
“How do you know?” His breath tickled and I pulled away to look him in the eyes, even though it was too dark to see much.
“I don’t, but I have the utmost trust in you.”
“How could you? After everything.”
“After what?” I brought a hand up and brushed his hair away from his forehead. “I knew what I was getting myself into. I chose you anyway.”
“Adeline.” He shut his eyes with a sigh. “What I would give for things to be different. To be a normal citizen and be able to have you.”
“You have me now.”
“I want you always.” He opened his eyes again. “That’s the problem. And I don’t want to be a bastard and suggest something that others have done before me and I always promised I wouldn’t do when I got married, but now I understand them. I understand their need to have a mistress. The one they loved, while married to the one they were obligated to.”
I felt my heart stop. I’d heard the rumors about his father and all the kings before him. I’d heard rumors about so many of them, but had never heard the word love, and it was the thing I fixated on.
“King George IV got married in secret,” he said, pushing his leg between mine so there wasn’t a part of us not touching.