And of all times for D to come back into my life. I've ignored his texts for weeks, but he just won't let up. I can't tell Talon. He will never understand. I don't even understand. I feel like I can't move forward and I can't go back until I get the answers I need. I'm stuck.
What the fuck does that mean?
She never would have married me. If given the choice. And she's stuck.
Stuck with me—the loser who’s going deaf. Does she just feel sorry for me now? Stuck with the fucked-up, crumbling rock star who can barely please her without falling off the bed half the time?
And now she's with Danny. Of course, that must have been him I saw her with.
Motherfucker.
Whoosh
I didn't think the sound in my head could get any worse, but fuck yeah, it is. It's like a train just drove straight through my ear. I'm actually shaking as I'm standing here holding her journal. I drop it back on her desk like it's on fire and go upstairs to take more of my pills, staring at her side of the bed while I wait for them to start to work. Then I pull out my own journal, along with the final paperwork we're supposed to fill out and bring with us to our meeting with Dr. Hollister tomorrow.
I laugh at the first question: Do you feel this experiment was a success?
Fuck no.
Chapter 39
Asia
Crap.
Talon made it home before I did. I park my car next to his in the garage and grab my bags. Seeing Damon went much better than I thought it would. Maybe people really can change with rehabilitation and a few years behind bars to force them to truly think about what they've done and who they've hurt in the process. I'm certainly not ready to forgive him yet for the horrible things he let and made happen to me, but I at least listened to him and appreciated his apology. He didn't even ask me for money, which is the first sign for me that he's trying to change.
I climb the stairs to let Talon know I'm home, but he's asleep on the bed, a fresh bandage over his arm where his new ink is. As always, Pixie is curled up against his head, purring away. I quietly take out my cell phone and snap a picture before I gently kiss his cheek and go back downstairs. In the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of juice and walk down the hall to the craft room to finish my journal and paperwork while Talon is sleeping.
Reading over what I wrote yesterday, I realize I feel differently now that I actually saw my brother. I was convinced he was going to try to get money out of me, threaten me, and make my life hell again, but he didn't. Maybe, just maybe, I can tell Talon that Damon apologized and wants to meet him, and we may attempt to put this small part of our family back together again. I just don't know how Talon will handle that knowing what Damon did to me. Forgiveness is not going to come easily. I'll have to do a lot of soul-searching about this situation before I make any decisions.
I cross out the last part of my journal and rewrite it, adding my new thoughts. Dr. Hollister mentioned in the beginning that I should write about everything I feel during this experiment—including thoughts about my past and my family, so that's exactly what I've been doing.
I close the journal for the last time, fill out the questionnaire, and shove it all in the large manila envelope that I have to turn in tomorrow. I'm so glad this part is over and we can move forward as a normal married couple now, without having to do video chats and journal all of our feelings for strangers to analyze.
"All done?" I jump at the sound of his voice and drop my envelope.
"You scared the heck out of me. I didn't even know you were there."
"I know," he replies. "What did you get at the store?"
I cross the room and pick up the shopping bag, pulling out purple leather and tiger-stripe material. "I needed this for Rio's outfit. I have black leather, but I didn't have any purple."
He nods slowly. "She'll like that." I watch him walk across the room and pause at the shelving where I keep my bath order supplies. His shirt is unbuttoned and I can't take my eyes off his abs, the way his inked-up muscles flex when he moves is hypnotizing. He picks up one of the little tubes of lip balm and twirls it in his fingers.
"You love that stuff, don't you?" I tease, coming up beside him.
"I do. More than you know." He pulls the top off the tube and turns to me, his head tilted, and gently glides the balm over my lips before leaning down to kiss me. "I love your lips." Capping the little tube, he sticks it in his pocket.
I smile at him. "My lips love you."
"Show me."
My insides flip and tumble like they always do when he's got the ultrasexy mood happening, which he definitely has now. I drop to my knees in front of him and unzip his jeans, pulling them down to his ankles along with his boxers. His cock is already like a rock, waiting for me. Grasping the base, I flick my tongue over the head and he sucks in a breath and leans back against the wall, closing his eyes as I run my tongue up and down his long length before slowly sucking him into my mouth. His hand goes to the back of my neck, applying gentle but not forceful pressure. I stare up at him, loving the sight of him, the way his chest moves with inhales and exhales as the pleasure builds. His fingers squeeze slightly harder at the base of my neck, hinting that he wants it faster, deeper, and I do my best to do that without choking on him. The balm makes my lips tingle, almost numbing them as I wrap my mouth around him. His hand moves around to the front of my neck and slides up to grasp his cock in his hand, pulling it out of my mouth. My eyes open to find him staring down at me, our eyes locking as he rubs the head of his cock along my lips. I stay unmoving, my lips parted, as he glides himself over my lips, across my cheek, then back to my lips.
"You're beautiful," he whispers and slides himself back into my waiting mouth. I close my lips around him as he thrusts into my mouth and comes in the back of my throat. I swallow and lick him until he pulls away from me reluctantly and pulls his jeans up, swaying a bit.
I stand and grab his arm. "Are you dizzy?"
"Just a little. I'm fine. You can stop worrying about me."
He doesn't seem fine to me, though. He seems a bit off. "You sure you're okay?" I ask.
"Positive. I thought maybe we'd have dinner then watch a movie. We haven't done that in a while."
"I'd love that. I miss our movie dates. I think I even have some popcorn."
"I miss it too. I'm sorry I haven't been doing enough with you."
"Talon, don't be silly. You've had a lot going on. It's okay."
He reaches out to touch my face and I notice his knuckles are red and scraped. I grab his hand, looking closer. "What happened? Did you fall?"
He lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, I fell on Finn's face, actually."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Don't worry about it. I'm gonna go start dinner." He turns to walk away, but I grab his arm.
"Tell me what happened."
His shoulders drop as he sighs. "I punched Finn."
"Why?"
"Because he said something about you I didn't like. And he was making comments about me not being able to hear. So I punched him. End of story."
He pulls his arm out of my grasp and leaves the room, ending the conversation.
* * *
After dinner, we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, tangled up in each other under a warm fuzzy blanket in front of the fireplace. It's exactly the kind of night I used to dream of having someday.
"Tal?"
"Hm?"
"I just want you to know that you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be."
"I seem to remember making you pretty pissed off and upset, too," he says, rubbing my back under the blanket.
"Yeah, a few times. But it was worth it to be this happy."
He takes a deep breath. "I feel the same way, baby. It was all worth it, to feel this with you." His lips touch the top of my head. "Let's go to bed. Tomorrow we have to get this bullshit over with."
He picks up Pixie and carries her upstairs with us, setting her on the love seat by
the bedroom fireplace. I can't help but smile thinking back to when he hated having her in the bedroom with us.
"I'm going to take a quick shower," he says, disappearing into the bathroom.
I change into my sleep clothes, turn off the light, and climb into bed to wait for him. I'm looking forward to ending the experiment tomorrow and moving forward. Maybe now that he's starting to feel a little better, we can plan our honeymoon.
I'm already half asleep when he comes out of the shower. I hear the sound of his pills being shaken out of their bottles, and I feel him slide under the blankets next to me, lifting my shirt to press his bare chest against my back.
"Mmm…you're nice and warm," I murmur, leaning back against him. He pushes me back down, onto my stomach, moving my hair to the side to kiss the back of my neck. His wet hair trickles down along my back, making me shiver.