“It looks so sunny there.” Lily did pout, however.
“It is, baby girls.” I turned the phone so they could see the ocean.
“Aww, it’s so pretty.”
I turned the camera back around. “I miss you.”
“Nana made chocolate chip muffins,” Jan said in answer.
Meaning they weren’t missing me so much.
Nate snorted beside me and I nudged him with my elbow. “I’m jealous.” Sylvie’s baking skills were pretty legendary.
“Right, girls, time for judo.” Sylvie appeared on the screen and waved at us. “Sorry, darlings, but I’ve got to get them to their judo class.”
“Of course.”
We said our good-byes and a thousand love yous and got off the phone. I pouted like my eleven-year-old. “I miss them.”
Nate grinned. “Me too. But it’s only been a day.”
“I know.”
We settled back on our loungers and I’d just picked up the book I was reading when Nate said, “Would you rather be able to see into your own future or the future of everyone you love?”
I placed my book on my chest and turned to look at him through the dark lenses of my sunglasses. He was propped up on his elbow, looking at me. I mirrored him, turning toward him. “What made you think of that one?”
“I’m reading a sci-fi about a cognitive.” He gestured to the book.
“Ah. Well, okay then. I guess I choose my own future.”
“Why?”
“Because if there’s something bad in my own future, I could handle that. Not the future of the people I love. For instance, I couldn’t handle knowing when you were going to die. That would be a living nightmare.”
Nate immediately flipped onto his back and picked up at his book.
He didn’t say another word.
Or tell me his choice.
At his cold abruptness, I was quietly stunned for a moment, just watching him read. And then I got annoyed. “What the hell just happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, something happened.” I sat up. “What happened?”
“It was a stupid question. Morbid answers and all that.” He tried to wave it off, but I wasn’t for it.
“My answer disturbed you for some reason.”
“It didn’t.” He put his book down and got up off the lounger. I sat, stunned, as he pressed a kiss to my temple. “I’m heading into the water for a swim.”
I watched him, my insides all twisted, as he strode, strong, healthy, and fit toward the ocean. My eyes lingered over the tourists, wondering if any of the women were watching him from beneath their sunglasses, and knowing they probably were.
I got up, tying my sarong around my waist, because I wasn’t confident enough to walk around in just my bikini, and I wandered down the beach toward the water to watch him as he dove in and began to swim.
Thinking over my answer to our usually fun Would You Rather questions, I could only assume his weirdness was because I mentioned him dying. I hadn’t been lying either. I would rather know when I was going to leave this earth than know when Nate would. The idea of losing him was crippling, but I didn’t linger over the thought. Life was too short.
But did Nate linger on the thought of death?
Peetie’s passing had left an indelible mark on my husband, and I wished like hell he would just talk to me about his feelings.
I waited for him, deciding we were going to talk about this as soon as he emerged from the ocean, but I didn’t get the chance. Nate swam back until he could touch his feet to shore and my breath caught, watching him as he walked out of the water with droplets glistening all over his tanned skin. My mouth went dry at the thought of launching myself at him right there and then. It momentarily distracted me from my purpose, and then my husband distracted me further when he reached me, grinning at me with those damn dimples.
He grabbed the knot on my sarong and pulled it loose.
“What are you doing?” I tried to stop him, but he whipped the thing off me before I could resist.
“I want to see you. Stop hiding.”
Feeling that prickle of self-consciousness come over me as I stood there in my bikini, I glowered at him. “I’m more comfortable with it on.”
“You’re gorgeous.” He pulled me toward him and I stumbled in the sand, falling into his hard chest. “You have the sexiest, longest fucking legs on the planet. Why would you hide them?”
Warmth suffused me as I trailed my fingertips over his muscular chest. “I won’t then.”
“Good.” He kissed me softly and then whispered against my lips, “I can’t wait to have them wrapped around me tomorrow night. I’m going to fuck you so hard, Olivia Sawyer, you’ll never rid yourself of the sensation of having my cock inside of you.”
I trembled as his callused hands drifted over my naked back. “You’re doing this deliberately.”
“You want to be tormented with want, don’t you?” he said, his voice hoarse with sex. “I’m just obliging you.”
“Well, I’m wet,” I answered abruptly.
His fingers dug into my back. “I can’t make it to tomorrow, Liv.”
“Yes, you can,” I replied, even though I wasn’t sure I could.
“Fuck,” he bit out.
My eyes widened behind my sunglasses. “What? What is it?”
“I just realized something.”
“What?”
He bent his head toward me, his arms binding tight around me so my boobs were pressed to his chest. “We’ve been married for ten years, together for fourteen.”
“Yeah?”
“And I want you just as much now as I did then. Who in the hell ever heard of that?”
I melted against him. “We’re pretty lucky.”
“No.” He shook his head, pressing his hand on my ass and nudging his hips against me so I could feel his erection rubbing against me. “You’re a witch. You’ve cursed my dick to only get hard for you.”
I laughed at his nonsense, even though my nipples were like hard pebbles and I hadn’t been lying when I said I was wet. I was slick between my legs. “You do know we’re on a public beach and there are people around.”
“Lucky for me there’s an ice-cold ocean at my back.” And quite abruptly he turned and hurried into it, diving back into the water.
It w
asn’t until later, when we were packing up to go back to the inn, that I realized he’d distracted me. I hadn’t asked him about falling back on his old behavior and putting more distance between us again. It bothered me that we could be so close in some ways, so in sync with everything else, including sex, but that there was still this one wall between us.
I wasn’t going to force conversation, I’d decided, as we walked hand in hand along the boardwalk with sand between our toes. We’d play our games, we’d fuck the frustration out, and when we’d bridged that distance, I’d start in on the emotional one.
* * *
* * *
“Hey, guys!”
Nate and I had just stepped out of Antonio’s, where we’d had delicious pizza, when we heard the familiar voice of Bailey Hartwell.
We looked to our left to find her walking toward us from the inn. She wore a olive silk camisole, skinny jeans, and flip-flops. For a moment I envied her her elegant, slender physique, and then I remembered the heat in Nate’s eyes while he watched me as I tortured him by showering with the bathroom door open that afternoon.
It was time to get over myself and my body hang-ups before it became a problem. I didn’t want my girls to have the same self-esteem issues I had, so I needed to curtail my negative thoughts about my own body.
“It’s my night off so I’m heading to Cooper’s. Do you guys want to join me? Please feel free to say no. I don’t want to interrupt a romantic evening.”
I was practically coming out of my skin for want of my husband, and I think his feelings were pretty near the surface, too. We’d barely spoken a word at dinner.
Okay, so we were choking on the sexual tension.
“Sounds good,” I said, and Nate nodded in agreement.
“Awesome.” Bailey gave us her glamorous smile. “Jess and Vaughn are coming. Dahlia won’t be there. She . . .” Bailey frowned. “She’s visiting family in Boston.”
Cooper’s was already quite busy by the time we got there. The bar had a traditional décor with dark walnut wood everywhere—the long bar, the tables and chairs, even the floor. Three large brass chandeliers broke up the darkness, while wall-mounted green library lamps along the back wall gave the booths there a cozy, almost romantic vibe. There was a small stage near the front door, and just across from the booths were three stairs that led up onto a raised dais where two pool tables sat. Two huge flat-screen televisions, one above the bar and one above the pool tables, made me think it was part sports bar.