Gracen clasps her hands in front of her and watches me guardedly with the safety of a kitchen island between us. It's the first time we've had an extended conversation since I brought her here.
I take a swig from my bottle and then lean back against the fridge. I fight to temper the anger at Gracen with my need to get to know my daughter.
"I want her to know I'm her father," I finally say to her.
"And will you be a father to her?" Gracen asks primly.
It's a fair question, but it pisses me off. "I would have been three years ago when she was born if you'd have fucking told me about her," I retort.
Gracen sighs as she stands from the stool. "I can't do this with you, Marek. You're the one who left me behind. You're the one who said you didn't want the responsibility while you went on to your high-profile career."
"For fuck's sake, Gracen," I growl as I storm across the floor to the island and set my bottle down so hard on the counter foam shoots out of it. "I wanted a little bit of fucking freedom. I was young and had stars in my eyes. But I never would have turned my back on you if you were pregnant."
"Oh, really?" she snarls as she slams her hands down on the counter, just two feet across from me. "And how was I supposed to know that? How was I supposed to fathom that when I was scared shitless over being pregnant and alone? When the man I loved and trusted dumped me because his career was more important?"
"It doesn't matter what I did to you," I say softly, the anger vibrating in my chest. "I had a right to know I had a child. You deprived me of three years with my daughter, and nothing I did to you would ever justify that. Nothing you could say could ever make up for that.
Gracen deflates right before my eyes. She seems to shrink inward on herself and her eyes go flat. Whatever I thought I knew about her selfishness in hiding Lilly from me, I suddenly realize that no matter how furious I am with her, it pales in comparison to the guilt she's feeling.
She raises a shaky hand and pushes back a lock of hair behind her ear. Her eyes focus on my beer bottle and her voice quavers with strain. "Um...I'm a...kind of tired. Haven't been sleeping well. I'm just going to hit the bed and we can talk about it in the morning."
Guilt and concern gnaw at me but I push it back. "You're not leaving, Gracen. Whatever it is you're thinking, don't be thinking that. I want time with Lilly, and that means she stays here."
Her blue eyes are flat and unemotional as she looks up to me. She finally gives the barest of nods in acknowledgment and turns away. I watch her walk up the back staircase to the second floor, shoulders hunched, legs moving like they're filled with lead.
When she's out of sight, I pick up my beer and dump the rest of it down the drain. I'm exhausted and suddenly can't wait to close my eyes and block out the world for at least a little bit.
For tomorrow, I become a dad.