"About fucking time," he mutters, and then his mouth is on mine. It's deep and claiming but not at all sexual. It's a loving kiss and it speaks of whatever words got left behind.
Van is the first to pull away and I'm embarrassed my hands are curled clawlike into his T-shirt. He rubs his nose against mine, and then turns to Xander.
Pulling me into his side, curling his arm around me tight, he says, "Now...let's talk about Arco. I'm going to be an open book, so you can ask me anything. And I'm going to be open about it because of the woman sitting beside me. I've got nothing to fear and nothing to hide because of her."
My head tilts up and I gaze at Van with wonder. He's looking at Xander with utter confidence, offering himself up as transparently as a person can get. He's putting himself out there bravely and with such confidence I find myself swelling a little with pride.
"Okay," Xander says gamely, and then throws a hard question. "Do you forgive your dad for what he did to your life?"
--
Much, much later.
After the interview was over--and it was a grueling two hours long--I fixed Van and me an early dinner.
And after that, we broke in--or just nearly broke--my bed having wild monkey makeup sex. Now I'm curled in Van's arms.
"Did you really mean it?" I ask him quietly, my fingers trailing lightly over his abdomen.
"Yes, for the hundredth time, I love you, Simone," he says in an exaggerated drawl.
I pinch him and he laughs at me. "Not that. I mean...about retiring."
Van gets quiet and I hold perfectly still. Van said a lot of things that shocked me tonight; the biggest I thought would be his very public proclamation that he loves me.
But that wasn't the most jaw dropping.
It was when near the end of the interview Xander asked us what our plans were. I, of course, had no answer because I'm still clueless about what I want in life other than I know for certain I want Van in it.
Van gave an easy shrug and told Xander, "I've reached the pinnacle of success in hockey. I think it might be time to move on."
Xander's jaw dropped for sure. "Retire from hockey?"
Van shrugged again. "I'm considering it. Maybe Simone and I can do some traveling or something."
I was so stunned then I couldn't even respond, and besides that, the interview was wrapping up. After a few more minor questions, Xander thanked us both with a hearty handshake to Van and a hug to me, and then he was gone.
"I told you I had wanted to go to college and study psychology, right?" Van asks me, jerking me out of my memories.
"Right."
"Maybe I'll give college a try," he says. "Or...we could travel like I said."
"Or," I suggest a little aggressively, "you could play hockey still."
Van rolls to face me, bringing his hand to my jaw. "Simone...not every player out there thinks this game is the most important thing in the world. I know that might be hard to believe, but I've given ten years to this league and it's given me a lot in return. But I have other things I want to do. School, travel. I want to be with you, not on the road a third of the year."
My eyes search him for some sign that he's lying about this. Or maybe not thinking straight. But he just stares back at me with conviction.
"It's just..." I trail off, not know what the fuck this all means.
"It's just what?" he prompts me.
"It's just...you never asked me if I loved you," I blurt out. "How can you be so confident all of a sudden, and I haven't even said the words to you?"
"Well, do you?" he asks.
"Yes," I reply.
"There you have it," he says with a grin.
"You obviously knew," I continue, not wanting to drop this subject with just a nonchalant there you have it from Van. "You came here with a reporter, knowing I loved you and that I was not done with you."
Van's eyes bore into mine and his smile is languid. "Baby...I knew you loved me that night you found the shoe box. I tried to push you away a few times, and you just wouldn't leave. You threw yourself at me one time, wrapped your arms around me so tight I thought nothing would ever feel better. And I didn't do the same back to you, and you told me...you said, 'You better wrap your arms around me motherfucker.' Do you remember that?"
I nod, a smile drifting over my lips.
"The vehemence in your voice...you little bit of a thing ordering me to hold you. After you'd just found out something that was horrendously nasty about me. I knew you had to love me at that point."
"That turned out to be a good night," I murmur as I snuggle into him. "You made love to me that night."
"Yeah, I did," he mutters in agreement, although I still prefer us fucking most of the time. But that night was special.
"Van?" I whisper. "Am I still shiny?"
He chuckles, pulls me in tighter, and squeezes the breath out of me. "Yes, Simone. So fucking shiny you make everything else in the world seem a little dull by comparison."
I smile at his words. I'll never get tired of hearing that.
Epilogue
Van
I hike a well-known path through College Park, enjoying the crisp fall air and the colorful leaves. Many of them--orange, red, yellow--have already fallen to the ground, but there's still plenty left in the trees that glow in the midday sun. I can honestly say that the New England states in the fall are spectacular.
But when I come into the clearing where Simone said she'd be waiting, my breath catches just a bit as I take in what is the most spectacularly gorgeous creature in the entire world. She's sitting cross-legged on a plaid wool blanket, bent over a textbook opened on her lap. Wearing jeans and a bulky sweater that practically swallows her, she looks as sexy right now as she did this morning with her legs spread wide for me.
I only get a few unfettered moments to stare at her before she raises her head and catches me ogling. Lips curving into a smirking grin, I start walking toward her.
"Hey, stud," she murmurs as I drop to my knees on the blanket in front of her. Her hand catches me around my neck and pulls me down to her mouth. It's a fucking great kiss, but then again, all of them are with Simone.
When she releases me, I fall back to my ass, stretch my legs out, and recline on an elbow. "You going to feed me?"
She nods toward the plastic grocery bag to her right. "Sandwiches in there. I've got to finish reading this chapter before my class, though, so eat and be quiet."
I chuckle as I push up to a sitting position so I can look for my lunch. As requested, I'm quiet as I chew the chicken salad sandwich and watch my girl study.
The decision to come back to Dartmouth was not made lightly. In fact, Simone and I did a lot of traveling over the summer, and almost every day, we discussed what she wanted to do.
While she is enrolled once again in this prestigious Ivy League school, she still doesn't really have a clue what she wants to major in. But the great thing is, she's taking some classes that interest her, and I believe she'll find her way before too long.
The other great thing is she's not in a rush to figure it out, and neither am I. I bought a small house in Quechee, Vermont, which is only about twenty minutes from Dartmouth's campus across the state line in New Hampshire. I also started my own path toward achieving a new goal, a college education for myself.
I'm clearly not Dartmouth material, but I was able to enroll this semester at Green Mountain College, and I'm taking some general prereqs so I can get my feet wet. It's been a long fucking time since I've had to study anything other than game film and playbooks. While Simone is still trying to figure out her path, I'm focused on psychology. That's never wavered over my life.
Yes, I miss hockey. I didn't make the decision to retire lightly, but when I stacked up all the pros and cons against each other, the answer was pretty clear. I was ready for a completely new life.
New career, new love, and a whole new Van Turner.
I still have my fingers in hockey, though. Simone and I will go to as many Cold Fury games as we can this year to cheer on her brothers and my former mates. I'm also volunteering with Dartmouth's varsity hockey team.
And that's enough for me.
Truly.
Everything is now centered around Simone and our life together in this beautiful part of our country.
After I finish my sandwich, I surf on my phone a bit while Simone reads quietly. She takes her studying seriously, and since her parents eagerly agreed to continue paying for the rest of her undergrad degree, she's feeling extra responsibility to do right by them.
Finally, she closes her book and then pushes her arms into the air above her head, arching her back for a stretch.