This question is so unexpected I actually jerk backward from the shock of it.
He continues without waiting for my answer. "Because if you are, I would like to be involved in that consideration. If that's what you want, I would totally respect it and would support you. That has to be your choice. But if you want to know what I would want, I would ask that you not go that route."
He renders me speechless for a moment as I wonder if I should tell him that I had in fact considered an abortion. I am the last person in the world who knows how to raise a child properly. I have no concept of what a real family is because I don't have one. The fear of putting my dysfunctional view on this child has given me great pause.
But ultimately, I knew I couldn't do it. I've never been one to back away from a challenge or responsibility. I realized that I have to take responsibility for this because that's just the way I am. I've been taking responsibility for myself since I was a young child.
"I don't want to have an abortion," I tell Luc, and I don't miss the way his shoulders relax with this news. "I'll raise the baby by myself if you don't want any part of it."
His eyebrows draw inward and his eyes are troubled. "I'm prepared to support this child if it's mine."
"Well," I grit out, as I don't like the reminder that he's not accepting my word on this. "You won't know that for another month, so that brings me back to my original question. What are you doing here?"
He doesn't take the opportunity to strike back at me but gives a sigh that's filled with frustration and perhaps a yearning for a return to what his life was like before he met me.
"I figured if we were going to go through this together," he replies cautiously, "we should at least try to get to know each other a little bit."
I give him a smile that's not a smile and tell him sweetly, "And I'll be glad to do that after the first appointment and you're satisfied about paternity."
"Goddammit, Stephy," Luc snarls at me as he sits up straight in his seat. "This is hard on me too. I'm not ready to be a father."
"Well, I'm not ready to be a mother," I snap back at him.
"I actually think I believe you when you say the baby is mine," he says.
"That's a quite the turnaround," I mutter.
"I had a bad experience in my past that may have colored my initial judgment of this situation," he explains to me. "I'm sorry...but the first place my head went to was that I was getting played."
This is actually something I could see happening to a professional athlete. "Someone claimed you got her pregnant?"
He shakes his head quickly. "No, not that. But someone I think was seeing dollar signs when she looked at me."
I wince. That actually kind of sucks, so I get why he may have had some qualms with me claiming I was pregnant.
"So you're going to give me the benefit of the doubt now?" I ask to make sure I understand what he's saying.
Luc smiles at me, and this time it is genuine through and through. "I believe that's the right thing to do. And I am serious...I think we should get to know each other. I want to be involved. Having a kid is a big deal and I don't want to miss out on anything. If I'm going to be involved, it will make things easier. If you'll let me, that is."
I have a moment of unfettered relief over the realization that I'm not going to go through this alone. Thirty seconds ago I had no one I could talk to, and now I've got Luc standing in front of me saying he wants to be on this very scary journey with me. It's profoundly comforting, even if I'm ordinarily not one that takes to friendship very well.
I smile back at him and try to lighten the mood just a little, as well as making sure that I've got no expectations other than having his involvement as a father along with me. "I've got no problem with us trying to get to know each other. Just don't go down on bended knee and ask me to marry you, because the answer will be no."
I'm thankful he's not offended by this. He chuckles and says, "I'm pretty sure we can muddle our way through this without having to get married."
It works well for me that he's not old-fashioned to the extent that he believes marriage is the solution to this unplanned pregnancy. If he were to be so gallant as to offer it, the answer would be 100 percent no because I don't intend to ever get married. I hadn't intended to have a child, but well...I'm going to have to adapt now.
I come from a family that's so fucked up we took the "function" out of "dysfunctional" in all of the psychiatry books. He has no clue that I have no idea how to provide a family atmosphere for this child, but I sort of get the idea that he does just by the way he's stepping up to take responsibility. I'm going to have to learn how to be a decent parent, and I'm going to have to figure out how to accept his support, since I'm so used to just doing things for myself.
But that's not something I can explain right now, because Luc is a perfect stranger to me. Perfect would be the key word in that description, because he is even far yummier in daylight, I'm ashamed to note. When I saw Luc at the gala, I was instantly attracted to him. He has those all-American looks, which is funny, since he's French Canadian. Yes, I know a lot about Luc as well as many members of the Cold Fury, since I'm a big fan.
And while I can totally appreciate his talent on the ice, his physical looks push every single one of my buttons. The first thing you notice is that he's tall and well built. But up close, it's a tie between his sexy hazel eyes and a pair of very full lips, which I can attest are highly skilled. His dark brown hair is longish, with a slight wave and cut into various layers that fall over his forehead and ears but don't touch his collar.
Yes, I saw Luc, and the minute he started flirting with me, I was all in. It has been awhile for me...being with someone. Luc was my first step back into that arena, and while I would absolutely go back and change things if I could, I will never forget the soul-stripping orgasm he gave me. I'm not sure I'll find another man who will ever screw me the way Luc did.
So bottom line, I'm not averse to getting to know him because I absolutely want to have a good parenting relationship w
ith him.
But that's all I want.
Okay, I want that amazing freaking sex as well. But that would totally muddy the waters and we have enough stress as it is.
"Okay then," I say with a bright smile. "You interested in grabbing some lunch and maybe we can talk some more?"
"So we're cool?" he asks.
"We're cool," I say with no hesitation. We are definitely cool, and that's the way I want to keep it. "Let's go. I'll buy you lunch."
Luc stands up with a returned smile. "I'll buy you lunch."
I stand up as well. "Then let's go. I'm starving."
Chapter 3
Lucas
"Dude," I say nervously. "I need a beer."
"Fridge," is all Max says as he starts the grill, but his smile says he's amused at me.
I head back into the house from the upstairs deck, through the formal living room, past the sunroom, where Jules does her painting, and into the kitchen. Jules is spreading pink icing on a cake.
She looks up at me briefly, smiles, and goes back to her task.
"Strawberry?" I ask as I walk to the refrigerator.
"What gave it away?" she asks drolly with her eyes pinned to the cake as she works.
"Smart ass," I return affectionately.
"Big dumb caveman," she quips back, also with affection.
There was a time just about five months ago where I'd offended the shit out of Jules and I didn't think our relationship would ever recover. It was the first time I'd met her and later I questioned Max about her motives for being with him. Again, that whole gold digger complex I have going on. Sadly, Jules overheard me and it took a while for our relationship to thaw after that.
Now that I live here in Raleigh, and better yet, less than five miles away, I'm around.
A lot.
Jules practically had no choice but to start to like me. I like hanging with Jules's kids: Levy, Rocco, and Annabelle. I also like hanging with my brother, and guess what...I also really like hanging with Jules. She's perfect for my brother and a fucking amazing woman. He's a lucky bastard for sure.
"Why aren't the kids here?" I ask her as I twist the top off the beer.
"We thought it might be a little less intimidating to Stephanie if just the four of us had dinner together," she says slyly. "They're spending the evening over at Kate and Zack's."