"You know how some guys aren't into relationships?" I say. She nods and I continue. "And they really don't want to get close to a girl, so they're only in it for the sex, because that's all they got to give?"
Jules appears confused. "Luc isn't like that with you."
I give her a sad smile because she's not looking at this the right way. "No, he's not. But that's the way I am with him."
"What?" Jules asks, pulling her chin in as she looks at me skeptically.
"I'm like a dude when it comes to commitment," I tell her gravely. "I'm relationship averse. I'm afraid to trust. I'm into hookups and one-night stands because that's all I have to give someone."
Jules is shaking her head disbelievingly before I even finish. "No way. Don't believe it."
"Believe it," I mutter.
"Good joke, though," she says with a cute smile.
"Not a joke," I deadpan.
The light from her eyes dies and her smile turns into a frown. "Wait. Are you serious?"
I just stare at her and her frown gets deeper.
"So you're saying that you've never been in love?" she asks hesitantly.
"Nope."
"Never had a long-term relationship?"
"Nope."
"Never wanted to have a relationship?"
My answer doesn't come readily and she seizes on my hesitation, yelling at me across the table as she points her finger. "Aha. You want a relationship with Lucas."
"No way," I say as I shake my head at her denial.
Absolute false denial, but I don't correct it.
"Totally way," she throws back at me.
"You're completely off base," I tell her as I cross my arms over my chest.
She doesn't fire back at me right away, but instead appraises me with her finger tapping against her chin. Then she looks like she has some major revelation because she puts her forearms on the table and leans forward to murmur, "You want something more with Lucas but you're afraid."
"Bingo," I grumble in complete and quick defeat, my cheeks flushing with warmth that I admitted my weakness. I've never had a conversation like this with another woman and it's totally uncomfortable, and yet I know deep in my heart I need it.
"So what's the hang-up?" she asks pleasantly, then takes a sip of her coffee.
Before I can even think to answer or tell Jules to mind her own fucking business--which I would actually never do because she's as sweet as the day is long--someone is pulling out a chair and sitting down at our table. I turn my head to see the beautiful girl who had served me my tea at the counter when I came in. She turns her silvery-blue eyes my way for a brief smile and then turns to Jules. "Sorry. I was just now able to take a break."
"A break?" I ask, wondering why this waitress feels like she can sit here with us.
My confusion is alleviated when Jules smiles brightly and says, "Stephanie, this is Lexi Robertson. She's Brian Bannon's daughter and also is dating Roman Sykora."
It hits me all at once and I actually recognize her. There was an article in the paper about the car accident she'd been in a few months ago and how Brian didn't know she was his daughter until recently. And yeah, I remember that she was dating a Cold Fury player. I like Roman Sykora a lot on the ice because he's always stirring the pot out there.
"Nice to meet you," I say with a hesitant smile.
"I thought it would be nice for you to meet some of the Cold Fury better halves," Jules says with a wave at Lexi. "Figured everyone could use more friends."
I just stare at Jules blankly, unsure of what to say. I was on the verge of spilling my guts to Jules, but now I'm sealed up tighter than a clam because Lexi is a complete stranger to me.
Jules continues to chatter. "And since you'll be around for the long term and have a Cold Fury kid on the way, I thought it would be nice for you to start meeting the others."
My jaw drops open and I look to Lexi to see her smiling at me, then back to Jules. "You told her about my pregnancy?"
There's no mistaking the ice in my tone and Jules is clearly taken aback. Her hand reaches across the table and she lays it on top of mine. "God, no. That's not my place."
"Roman told me," Lexi says softly, and I turn to look at her as Jules pulls her hand away. "Lucas told the management and team at yesterday's practice."
"He did?" I ask, stunned to be hit with this without any preparation. I'm a private person and pregnancy is about as personal as you can get. Add the fact I was basically a one-night stand that got me pregnant and it's just not something I'm prepared to discuss with strangers.
"I just assumed you two had agreed to tell people," Lexi says softly, apologetically.
Did we? I know we talked this weekend about letting the cat out of the bag to some select people. I anticipated it would be a small group, not an entire hockey organization along with their significant others.
"Are you okay?" Jules asks gently.
I nod my head and clear my throat. "Yeah...sure. I just didn't realize that Lucas was going to run right out and tell the entire team. I thought it would be just family and maybe a few close friends. Maybe his roommate, Van."
"But the team is his family," Jules points out. "You've not been involved with the organization very much yet, but every one of those people who make up the Carolina Cold Fury are like family to each other. And frankly, they'd need to know, because although you're doing the heavy lifting, the pregnancy affects Lucas as well."
Jesus. My gaze slides left and I look out the window to the city street. I hadn't thought of that when we'd talked about it this weekend. I just didn't consider that Lucas has a lot more going on outside of the little bubble he's been cocooned in with me lately. And that means I may have to step outside that bubble.
"Is this a problem?" Jules murmurs.
I turn back to her, cut a quick glance to Lexi, and say with a completely forced smile that I hope to God looks genuine so they don't feel awkward, "It's not a problem. Just took me by surprise is all."
Jules isn't buying it, so she looks at Lexi. "Do you mind giving us a few minutes?"
Lexi jumps up and says, "Not at all," while I hold up my hand and insist, "No. Stay. Nothing private to talk about."
But Lexi abides by Jules's wishes and not mine, and she's gone before I can even shut my mouth again. I turn back slowly to Jules and brace myself for her to
ingratiate herself into my life.
"You don't have to talk about Lucas or your relationship or lack thereof at all," she says earnestly, but I don't relax one bit. Those are the right words but surely she doesn't mean them. "Now, what about us arranging a visit for Annabelle's class to Sweetbrier. It won't take much effort. I'll do all the legwork since you're working full time still, and if anything it will just be something fun to do because I know it once brought you joy. I think it will--"
"Wait a minute," I say as I hold my hand up, cutting her off. "You're just going to drop the whole Lucas-slash-relationship thing?"
"Well, yeah," she says slowly. "That's what you wanted, right?"
Hell yes, I wanted that.
Except...I could use some advice on how to handle this.
But no, I don't need advice. I can figure this out on my own, just the way I always have.
Definitely can handle this on my own.
I give her an abashed smile. "I'm sorry...let's talk about something other than Lucas and me."
Jules just gives me a completely accepting nod and I exhale with relief.
"Are you up for helping me with Annabelle's class trip to Sweetbrier?" she asks.
"Yes, of course," I assure her. "It will be totally fun. And call Lexi back over here. She really didn't have to go."
Jules waves across the cafe and I assume gets Lexi's attention, because then she starts talking about the logistics of putting a group of toddlers with a group of folks in wheelchairs. Lexi joins us and offers ideas, volunteering to help as well. I listen with half an ear, make appropriate comments, and keep a smile plastered to my face.
I try not to think about the fact that I was just on the verge of spilling all my secrets and insecurities to Jules. I can't even believe she could inspire that within me, and I'll even admit I'm slightly disappointed in myself that I pussed out and clammed up.
Maybe another time we can talk.
If I can get up the courage to just let the fuck go of all of my hang-ups.
I'm a fucking work in progress, that's for sure.
Chapter 17
Lucas
"Fuck," I snarl as I dig through my drawers.
"What is it this time?" Stephanie asks as she leans up against the wall, arm across her stomach, the other hand hovering near her mouth so she can nibble on her nails as she watches me freak out before the game.