"Sorry, buddy," Zack says as he cuts a remorseful look at Ben.
Even though I never hesitate to use Zack's car when I'm running errands that benefit his family, I'm not about to accept his generosity this morning. I'm still miffed over his cold shoulder, and besides, it's one thing to use his car when I'm doing something that helps him and Ben, but quite another when I'm out doing something personally.
I don't respond to him, but continue to quietly do the breakfast dishes. He can bitch at me later for refusing his kindness. I don't feel like hearing it any more today.
--
"I'm so glad you could make it," Sutton says as we munch on huge chef salads at a little restaurant just a few blocks away from her office in downtown Raleigh. I had taken the bus to meet her there and she gave me a tour of the Wake County Drug Crisis Center, before bringing me into her office and telling me all about what she does there. It was very interesting, and she let me ask a bazillion questions about how she counsels her clients. She specializes in drug addiction, and that's not the field I want to pursue, but there are many similarities, so it was a very special opportunity to get a bird's-eye view of what she does.
Business talk was dropped once we got to the restaurant, and she spent some time getting to know me. I told her all about growing up in eastern North Carolina in a little one-stoplight town about two hours southeast of Raleigh. Sutton is the type of person who just invites open honesty, and I've never been ashamed of my background, so I was prattling on about my daddy and how much I loved him despite his drinking, and how Kelly, who was two years older than me, got pregnant at sixteen and then popped out my three adorable nephews in successive years. I told her how I helped to raise them as we all lived together in Daddy's trailer, and then I told her about my older brother, Thomas, who is currently in jail for drug possession. Sutton told me about her father and his battles with drug addiction, and it was really nice having someone who understood my background.
"You've really come a long way," Sutton says with admiration. "Earning your undergrad degree all on your own. It's impressive how you took your time and worked to pay your tuition so you wouldn't owe anything after graduation."
I nod with a smile. "I watched my daddy struggle with debt his entire life. I wasn't about to start out my adult life with a bunch of it on my shoulders. It took me an extra year to meet my goal, but it was worth it."
"You'll continue to work for Zack when you start your master's program in the fall?" she asks.
I nod as I chew my salad. After I swallow I say, "Yes, assuming we can work out the scheduling with Ben's schooling and Zack's travel. I think it's workable, and assuming Zack still wants me to continue on."
"Well, why wouldn't he?" she exclaims while waving her fork in the air. "I watched how you were with Ben at the game. You're fantastic with him, and you're bright and responsible. Delaney did a fantastic job picking you."
My smile is wan and I duck my head to spear a chunk of ham out of my salad.
"What?" Sutton asks, noticing my avoidance of the subject. "Did something happen?"
I lay my fork down, ham forgotten, and quickly take a sip of my iced tea. Pushing my plate away, I lean my forearms on the table and decide to get her take on what happened. "So, something happened last week and I don't know what to do about it."
Sutton's eyes go deep with worry and she lays her own fork down and leans in closer to me.
"When we left the game last week, we were driving and Ben wanted a toy that was in the backseat. I didn't think anything of it, so I undid my seat belt to reach for it, and Zack went sort of berserk. He yelled at me...I mean really yelled for me to get back in my seat and put my seat belt on. It really upset Ben, who started crying. And then...Zack just sort of spaced out. He pulled the car carefully off the road and put it in park, and was just sort of...absent for a few moments."
"Jesus," Sutton whispers.
"I know," I murmur, my finger tracing the edge of my plate as I remember how scared I was in that moment. "I don't know what happened in the accident...but I'm guessing...Gina didn't have her seat belt on, did she?"
Sutton gives a sad shake of her head. "No, she didn't. She was ejected from the vehicle. She had a really severe head injury. They say she died quickly."
"I feel terrible, Sutton," I practically whine. "I was so insensitive. And Zack has been really distant with me since then. You don't think I caused some major damage to him, do you? What if he hates me and doesn't want me around Ben?"
"That's ridiculous," she says. "Zack is the type of man that if he didn't want you around his son, he would have tossed you immediately out of the house. And you didn't cause damage to him. Just a bad memory recall and he's hurt. Not by you, by the memory. Just give him time."
"Okay," I say, releasing a breath of relief. Sutton sounds so sure about this, and I'm going to assume she's right. "Do you think I should try to talk to him?"
She gives a snort and picks her fork back up to attack her salad. "Talk to a man? Seriously? You don't have much experience with them, do you?"
"Don't you talk to Alex?" I ask with a grin.
"Of course I do," she scoffs. "But it's a battle half the time. And trust me, that's a man thing."
"So leave Zack alone?" I ask, for clarification.
"No, that's not what I'm saying. You should do what feels right for you. If you need to get this off your chest with him, then you need that for you. I'm just saying...he's a man. Don't be surprised if he doesn't open up or if he brushes your concern off."
That's definitely food for thought. I do think I probably need to have a conversation with him about this, because I can't continue to walk on eggshells around him. That's not good for me or for him, but most important, kids are pretty savvy, and it won't take long for Ben to realize that we've lost the easy partnership we had been nicely developing. I don't want him confused by that.
"Can I ask you something personal?" Sutton asks hesitantly, and my eyes snap up to hers.
"Sure," I say easily. I don't have anything to hide.
"Is there something going on between you and Zack?"
I blink at her, completely confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean...is there a personal connection you two have?"
"Well, yeah...I mean, we had sort of lapsed into an easygoing relationship style when it came to how I was involved with Ben, and making sure that Zack spends as much time with him as I do. He seems to have accepted my goofy charm," I say with a chuckle as I spear more salad.
Sutton shakes her head. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean...is there something deeper?"
I shake my head at her, not quite understanding what she's asking. "We're friends, sure, but it's not like we're spilling our secrets to each other. We pretty much focus on Ben."
Taking in a frustrated breath, Sutton lets it out and blurts, "No...I mean...are you two having sex?"
"What?" I practically screech, and people from the tables beside us turn to look at me. Leaning in across the table, I whisper harshly, "Why woul
d you ever ask that?"
"I don't know," Sutton whispers back apologetically. "It's just...Zack couldn't keep his eyes off you at the game. You didn't notice because you were actually watching the game, but I'd catch him checking you out. It's almost like he was trying to figure out something about you. He seemed confused, and I was wondering if maybe you two...you know...had gotten horizontal with each other and then were in sort of an awkward phase."
My head starts shaking viciously back and forth. "Absolutely not. Zack has no interest in me at all, I can assure you."
There's nothing extraordinary about me at all, I think sadly.
"I think you might be wrong," Sutton says quietly. "I'm good at reading people. It's part of what I do for a living. And let's be honest, Kate...you're a beautiful girl. He's noticed that, I'm sure."
My jaw hangs open as I look at her with astonishment. "I'm not beautiful."
Sutton snorts and a knowing smile tips her lips up. She picks at her salad and remains quiet.
"I'm not," I assert again.
Tilting her head up to look at me, she says, "You're a smart girl, Kate. Brilliant, I'm thinking, based on what you've accomplished already. You try to hide what God gave you...I can see that. But, honey...I hate to tell you, it's kind of hard to hide what you have."
Not really, I think. I've managed to hide my body well enough under bulky clothes. My face isn't totally horrid, but I don't have men beating down the doors for me. She's got it wrong, absolutely wrong, but I'm not going to argue with her about it.
"All I'm saying," she continues, "is that maybe part of the reason Zack is being distant with you is because he might have some feelings tied up where you're concerned. I don't know what they are...I can't speak to that, but I think there may be something there."
I give her an accommodating look and quickly change the subject. I am absolutely unwilling to entertain the thought that Zack sees anything in me other than his son's nerdy nanny.
Chapter 9
Zack
I pull the bottle of Patron off the minibar that's set up in my basement. The man cave that I've been in maybe twice since the accident. This is where I came to veg out and relax. Ben hung out here with me a lot, or I'd invite some of the guys over to watch a televised fight or other major sporting event. I have a kegerator in one corner that kept an endless supply of draft beer flowing, which is my normal drink of choice, but tonight I feel like getting a bigger buzz.