"It's okay," I reassure her, even though it feels like the bottom of my stomach has just dropped. "It's still treatable. Doesn't matter what stage...he can put it in remission."
Olivia gives me a tremulous smile, but her voice is a little shaky, even though she lifts her chin up with confidence. "Of course it will go into remission. It will be fine."
"This isn't the best news," Sutton says grimly. "But we sort of expected it. The point is, this is a treatable cancer. It's going to be fine."
"Absolutely," Alex chimes in. "You've got this beaten."
I don't even look over at Sutton and Alex as they're talking. I watch Olivia and see the way she tries to keep the smile plastered to her face, even as they try to bolster her confidence. She's struggling with it and looks like she's about to crack.
I tug on Olivia's hand and her eyes come up to meet mine. "There's something else. What else did he say?"
Olivia stares at me for just a moment, then she pushes up out of her chair. Alex, Sutton, and I watch as she walks over to the counter and turns her back on us. Placing her hands on the edge, her head hangs down heavily and she takes a deep breath. When she lets it out, she turns to us and there is stark fear in her eyes.
"I talked to Dr. Yoffman a little bit more about the long-term prognosis."
The silence in the kitchen is deafening, and I have a sick feeling that Olivia learned what I already knew. My eyes cut over to Alex and he looks at me with sympathy.
"Follicular B-cell lymphoma is treatable, but it's not considered curable. It will come back...the question is when. It may come back the same, or it may come back as a more aggressive type of cancer."
"Is it treated the same?" Sutton asks hesitantly.
"Maybe," Olivia says. "Depends on what comes back."
"But it can be treated?" Alex presses.
"Again...depends on what comes back," Olivia says. "He did say that if it comes back fairly quickly into the marrow, he would want to consider doing a stem-cell transplant. He said there is a chance it could be eradicated that way. He said that if it comes back in a more aggressive form, that's obviously bad, because the life expectancy isn't as long, but in some ways it can be good, because some of them can be curable."
I press my fingers into the bridge of my nose, because my head has started pounding. I absolutely hate what I'm hearing...not just the grim news but the fear in Olivia's voice. And I don't have a fucking clue what to do.
"He said this is a life-limiting illness because I'm so young," Olivia says in almost the barest of whispers. "He said the median life expectancy is twenty years. So I guess that means I'm going to die when I'm forty-five or so."
I shoot up out of my chair so fast, it goes crashing into the wall. Before Olivia can even gasp, I'm pulling her into my arms for a hard hug, then I pull back slightly so she can look up at me. "That is not what that means," I say fiercely. "Median life expectancy only means that in twenty years, fifty percent of the patients will have died, and fifty percent will still be alive."
"How do you know that?" Olivia asks, both suspicious and hopeful at the same time.
"I told you...I did some research. But the point is...those are just numbers. It doesn't mean anything. You could live to be a hundred, for all we know. Hell, it may not come back until you're sixty. We just don't know, but it does not mean you are going to die young. Okay?"
A slight sheen of tears well up in Olivia's eyes, but she hastily blinks them back. She gives me a hesitant nod and a tiny smile. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Didn't you ask your doctor about what that meant?"
Olivia shakes her head. "Actually, I was so stunned by the twenty years, I didn't think to ask him to clarify. But he did tell me that people are living longer and longer with this disease as newer and better treatments are developed."
"Baby," I say gently as I hold her with my eyes and my arms. "The numbers reflect nothing more than odds. They don't take into account your spirit and your will to battle. They don't have a damn thing to do with how hard you fight, and those numbers are too far into the future for you to even pay them any mind right now. You focus on the fight that is right here on your doorstep. You've got six months of treatment...six hard months of fighting what you have now. That's all you need to worry your beautiful head about, and the most important thing to remember is you have us, and Stevie, and your mom. We are by your side and you are going to prevail. Those numbers don't have shit on Olivia Case, and that's something you can bet on."
Olivia's head drops to my chest and her arms come around my waist. She squeezes me hard and mumbles, "That was probably the best thing you could have ever said to me. I think you have this dating thing down pat."
All of us laugh, happy that Olivia has brought humor into the mix and relieved to have the tension broken. I meant every word that I said to Olivia...that it was too premature for her to be worrying about this stuff. I hope she lets it go, because she needs to concentrate on her imminent battle.
Besides...I'm going to be worrying about it enough for the both of us.
--
I unfortunately had to bid Olivia good night as we left Alex and Sutton's house. We stood out in the driveway by her car and made out for a bit, which made my nuts ache for about an hour after we parted ways.
I had a team group run at six in the morning, so it was too difficult to stay at her place all the way over in Chapel Hill, and Olivia wanted to get in to work early since she had been out for a few days. It's the first night we've not slept in the same bed in four days, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Every night...it's felt so natural to have her fall asleep in my arms. On the flipside, I'm not sure people that just start dating really spend that much time together. Maybe I need to slow it down, as I don't want to overwhelm her.
But then again, Olivia and I don't have a normal dating relationship. Most people get to laugh and talk about lighthearted stuff. We get to talk about cancer. In some ways, it's tightened our bond, but in other ways, it makes me wonder if I've missed out on something crucial that she may want or need in a relationship.
I know one thing is for sure, starting tomorrow...I want to try to get her back to her normal lifestyle. She has two and a half weeks until her next treatment. I have two weeks until the regular season starts, although I'll be traveling for a few preseason games next week. I want to immerse Olivia in as much fun as I can muster up for her, and help take her mind off the dark things she learned today.
Chapter 16
Olivia
"Oh, my God...I can't believe how freakin' excited I am to see Garrett play," I say as I nudge Sutton on the shoulder.
"Calm down there, frisky," Sutton says with a grin. "I don't want you peeing your pants."
"You know...I always want to jump Garrett's bones, but I think I'm going to just spontaneously combust when he comes out on the ice."
Sutton starts snickering, but then leans over and whispers to me conspiratorially, "I know exactly what you mean. Something about Alex in his hockey gear...let me just say, home game nights are always the best in our house."
I nod over her sage advice, and I'm sure things are about to get hotter between Garrett and me once the season starts. Although...it's going to be pretty hard to top what we've done so far. While Garrett and I didn't stay together Monday night because of his early-morning run, he's stayed the last two nights at my apartment, and we are pretty much insatiable around each other.
Now that Garrett is convinced I'm back to feeling one hundred percent of my normal self, I think he's made it his mission to pound me practically through the mattress. My muscles are always a little sore the next morning, but, damn...so worth it.
Just this morning, we both overslept because we had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning banging out multiple orgasms. I hastily jumped in the shower, shouting a quick goodbye to Garrett, who had just about enough time to make it back t
o Raleigh and skid into his practice on time. I had been under the hot spray of water for no more than ten seconds when Garrett was stepping into the shower behind me.
"What are you doing?" I practically screeched, because he scared the hell out of me.
He wrapped one arm around my waist and the other dropped down between my legs while his erection burned against my backside. The minute his fingers hit my clit, my head dropped back on his shoulder and I managed to moan out, "But you'll be late for practice."
"Maybe not," he growled into my ear just before nipping it with his teeth. "Depends how fast I can get you and me off."
Turns out...it took less than a minute for me the first time, and a satisfying seven minutes later, I had come fantastically again, and Garrett followed right behind me. As he gave me a swift kiss and jumped out of the shower, he grinned at me and said, "So worth it to be a few minutes late."
"What happens if you're late?" I asked, even as he walked out of the bathroom.
"Extra drills," he shouted back so I could hear him over the water. "But again...so worth it."
I giggled and then hurried up with the rest of my shower, because I didn't want to be late to work. After I got dressed, I couldn't help but melt further when I saw the note that Garrett had left.
Made you a bagel. On counter. Again, the extra drills are worth it.
I read the stupid note probably three times while I ate my breakfast, my smile getting wider and wider. When I got down to my car, I found a little wildflower--really just a weed of a flower--stuck underneath my windshield wiper, and I literally sighed like a simpering schoolgirl.
I know Garrett had doubts about his dating abilities, but so far...he is nailing it. Forget how sweet he is and the little things he does to brighten my day. Forget about the way he dominates my body in bed and is never satisfied until I've been satisfied more than him. Yes, forget all of those things. The reason he's nailing it is because he has chosen to be with a woman that has cancer, even knowing that it's ugly, brutal, and terrifying. He's taking a risk with his heart, made even more magnanimous by the fact that he's not really been in a real relationship before. At least not to my knowledge. He's taking his first foray into the monogamy game, and he's chosen a hard bet.