“What?”
His fake innocence maddens me even more.
“Don’t give me, ‘what’. I mention selling the farm and you snog me, like that.”
“Snog?”
“What d’ya take me for, some gullible fool?”
“Uh?”
“D’ya think I’ll melt in your arms and do whatever you want me to do?”
“Annie… Please… You’ve got this all wrong.”
“Have I?”
I push him back angrily again with the flat of my hand.
“You make no moves until now? Now. When I’m considering selling up. D’ya think I’m daft?”
“Hold on,” his voice rises in anger. “You’re suggesting I’d use you like that? For the farm?”
“Well, wouldn’t you? Mr Love’m’n’leave’em?”
“Mr What?” he sneers, making my blood boil. “Are you, like, twelve or something? Grow up, Annie!”
“What about your rule, Jac?” I hurl back at him furiously.
“Yeah, bloody good rule, if ya ask me,” he snaps, slamming the bonnet down shut and storming away.
“See ya around.”
???
“You gonna be quiet the whole journey, Missy? I thought we were gonna have some fun? What happened to Thelma and Louise?”
“Sorry, Cal. I’m tired, that’s all. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
I’ve been in a foul mood since I woke up, having spent most of the night sniping and grousing to myself about Jac.
Cal stares blankly out of the window.
It’s not turning out to be anything like the road trip we’d cooked up together. But we drive on, covering the miles as I brood silently about Jac.
That kiss. The rush of excitement, and the temper we both have when we fight.
“You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
“Thinking and sighing.”
“Am I?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Tell me about Sam,” I say, trying to sound upbeat, switching the conversation.
“What about her? She’s a lecturer.”
“In?”
“Printmaking. We met at an art retreat in Spain.”
“Cool.”
“Hmm. It was heavenly. We were in this remote finca in the Sierra Nevada, miles from anywhere, surrounded by the spring flowers and the birds,” Callista explains wistfully. “We were up high in the mountains, but it felt like Wales too, like the farm. Except that they had almond and lemon trees, of course.”
“What d’you mean like the farm?”
“Peaceful, sweetie. There aren’t many places left where you’re totally unplugged and surrounded by nature. It’s very special.”
I chew that over later.
I’ve never thought about the farm in that way before. The lack of connectivity has always been a huge hassle for me, and a convenient excuse to get back to London.
But, I get what Callista means. Being out of touch with all the stresses of work has helped put my career into perspective.
The truth is, my job had become tedious. The move from New York to London was me trying to find new challenges, re-energise. But it wasn’t the geography, that was the problem.
From the events of the last few weeks, I’ve learned too, that work is only one part of my life. It used to be everything. And my career must never define me. Because, if it's taken away, then what will be left? It took being perched on my ledge, gazing at the magnificent Welsh mountains, to finally figure that one out.
“Where did you stay on the retreat?”
“They’d turned the farm buildings into bunk rooms, and there was a living area where we could cook and sit together. They had a large art studio there too. And they had yurts. Very romantic,” Callista chuckles.
“I hope I get to meet Sam, soon.”
“You will. I’ve told her all about you.”
“Did Jac like her?”
“Yes, of course, sweetie... Now, how about we stop beating around the bush,” she says finally, as we filter onto the motorway. “What on earth is going on between you two?”
I focus hard on the traffic, trying not to engage.
“It’s complicated.”
“Ha! That’s exactly what he said.”
“When?”
“Yesterday afternoon, when I went for a walk with him.”
“Yesterday afternoon?”
“Yes. He likes you, Annie. A lot. More than likes. He always has. But, he’s afraid to mess things up with you. I told him to go for it and tell you how he felt.”
“You did?”
“Yes. Why?”
I turn to look at Callista and then hit the brake hard as the traffic slows up sharply in front of me.
“Crap!”
“What’s up?”
“He went for it.”
“And?”
I chew on my bottom lip. I’ve messed things up.
“He kissed me, Cal. And we had a big fight. Two actually. I thought he was only kissing me, so I’d keep the farm.”
“What?”
“I was confused. It made sense at the time.”
“You’re thinking of selling the farm?”
“Yes… No… I dunno yet… I asked Sion to help me paint up the place and Jac overheard.”
“And, you believe that Jac was trying to manipulate you?”
“Oh, God!” I cringe. “When you put it like that.”
“Why would Jac do such a thing?”
She’s right.
"He’s like me, he doesn’t give a hoot about material things.”
“Argh! I’m over-analysing everybody’s motives these days.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, my dear.”
?
?But, I’m getting it wrong all the time, Cal. How can I trust anybody ever again, when I don’t even trust my own judgement?”
“Do you still feel something for him?”
My pained expression and the sigh escaping my lips tells her all she needs to know.
"Trust your heart then, sweetie. Try listening to that.”
CHAPTER 14
-----------?----------
“Want another one?”
Jac was going for it, slamming down the tequila shots.
“We better be heading soon.”
They were the only two of the original gang of friends left in the club on the pier, and Sion was ready for home.
“Taxi’s booked for one o’clock, mate. It won’t wait. And it’ll be a bitch to try and get another one to go all the way to our back of beyond.”
“Take a chill pill, Sion. Worst case scenario, we kip on a sofa. Best case, we get a bed.”
“Easy tiger.”
Sion refused the full shot glass Jac was pushing onto him.
“What about Annie?”
“What about her?”
Jac knocked Sion’s shot back in one.
The place was buzzing. Students were out in force. Jac hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Like lads again, on a night out.
“Come on, mate. We’re the last men standing.”
Sion looked at the state of his friend.
“Just about.”
A group of girls, who’d been eyeing them for a while, began making their way over. Soon, they were sidled up next to where Sion and Jac were standing.
“I’ve not seen you here before?”
One of them had started to make conversation with Jac.
“Wanna drink?”
She was tall and blonde, not a patch on Annie of course. But she’d do, for tonight.
She strained to hear him over the music.
“Tequila?”
“Whatever.”
Sion found Jac by the bar waiting to get served.
“Mate, I’m off. Come with me or you’ll miss our taxi.”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Mate, what you doin’? Come on. Let’s go.”
“Leave me be, Sion.”
He sighed and smacked Jac on the shoulder.