A smile spread across my face. A baby. Carson was going to be a daddy. Children were so innocent; I knew Carson would be a wonderful dad even if the timing was less than perfect. “How do you feel about it?”
“I’m scared shitless, but this baby will be always be a miracle… never a mistake or accident.” I loved his words and gave him a hug before sitting back down. Carson took hold of his fork and motioned for me. “We can’t let these crepes go to waste.”
I took another bite and leaned against him. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you as a best friend.”
“I feel the same way, angel.”
We took a few more bites before Carson spoke. “Francesca and I have a lot to figure out.”
I went to the freezer and pulled out the homemade vanilla gelato. “I think celebratory ice cream is in order. Congratulations, Carson. You’re going to be a magnificent dad.”
He chuckled. “I was wondering how long it was going to take before you got some. Give me a big scoop.”
Easily, I scooped the yummy goodness on our plates. “Admit it. You were two seconds away from getting it yourself.”
In response, I got a wink before the conversation turned serious again. “Thank you, Willow, for being here for me. I want you to know I’m still here for you. Whatever you need.”
“I know that, Carson. And I love you for it. The same goes for you. Regardless of what’s going on, I’m here for you.” It was an emotional morning. I took a bite of ice cream to stave off the tears.
“Francesca is worried what you’ll think. She hoped maybe she could talk to you.”
Babies were so pure and innocent. They represented happiness. “Tell her not to worry at all. After she gets here, I’ll plan something simple for us to do.” I sighed. “I’m going to spoil that baby so much. I can’t wait to be an aunt. Do you know how far along she is?”
“No, she wanted me to be there with her at the doctor to get the due date if I wanted to be.”
I liked the response. “Your mom is going to be excited. She’s been mentioning grandbabies since you graduated from college.”
Carson shook his head. “Poor Francesca.” We laughed. “So what’s next?”
“See what else Trent finds. Do my show in three days. And then see where it all leads.”
Three days had passed since returning early from Italy. It was hard to believe it had been a month since Alex died. So much had changed since then—I had changed as a person. To go through what I had… I believed it was impossible to not be scarred from the tragedies. But I was determined to wear those scars proudly.
At my insistence, Carson was at his house with Francesca. He’d offered to bring her here to stay with me, but they needed this time to figure things out. He checked on me regularly. However, I was more than protected with all the security measures Trent had in place.
The fingerprints from the documents I had provided took longer than expected. Trying to find oil smear patterns was a tedious job, apparently. To my knowledge, Trent’s team hadn’t found a match. Things were further complicated since Mildred, Carson, and I had touched them.
Tack and I talked frequently now that I was alone, though I was still surrounded by people. Last night, I’d sat in my studio watching the sunset while we spoke. We’d talked about nothing at all but everything at the same time.
I told him stories from my childhood.
Tack told me dreams of his future.
I was too scared to admit my dreams. So he avoided his childhood, and I avoided my dreams. It had worked. The past and the present collided into harmony.
Maybe it was a foreshadowing of things to come.
There was something to be said about getting to know the soul of a person before you saw them. It was hard to not feel something for him. Tack had been there in a way no one else had. But I was ready to not have any secrets and see the man behind the voice that stole my thoughts more often than not.
The next song played on my phone. “Unsteady” by the X Ambassadors. I paused while cleaning in my bedroom. The lyrics spoke to me. I wanted to be held on to and loved.
My phone paused the song when a reminder popped up.
The air left me as I sat on the bed, staring at the reminder. Having been focused on what I discovered from Trent, as well as Carson’s situation, I’d forgot about my own.
My period still wasn’t here.
I was never late.
Never.
Things became more real as I thought about that last night I shared with Alex. Sometimes the images came to me in my dreams, though I wanted to forget them. That last night between us had been magnificently beautiful, but then I woke up remembering the lies, which turned my reality into a nightmare.
The notification buzzed again since I hadn’t hit dismiss. I’d set the reminder and forced it out of my mind, refusing to worry about something that wasn’t confirmed with everything else going on.
A suspicion would either be confirmed or denied. I wasn’t sure what I wanted or how I felt. To wish I wasn’t pregnant felt wrong. There might be an innocent child growing inside me that had nothing to do with what happened.
Regardless of my feelings for Alex, I made a vow to love this child unconditionally. Alex was dead—not able to affect him or her if I was pregnant.
My feet were heavy as I trudged to my bathroom where I had several tests. I’d bought them on a whim while in the drug store a few days after Alex died when my head was a mess. I pulled three out of the cabinet and stared at them.
My heart beat faster.
My palms were sweaty.
I needed a minute.
Never in my life had I felt lonelier. I was scared. Terrified, actually.
Sitting on the steps to the Jacuzzi, I stared down at one of the tests I’d grabbed. In a matter of minutes, I was going to have an answer one way or another. The test was easy enough. Pee on the stick. Wait. Either the words pregnant or not pregnant appeared on the digital display.
I gripped the test lighter. Why? Why had Alex done all this? Why had he targeted me? If I was pregnant, my child would have a half-brother they could never know about. I knew what it felt like to have something monumental kept from you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. It also gave me a little insight as to how Dad might have felt keeping the truth away from me.
Sometimes we receive understanding in the most unexpected way.
The phone in my pocket vibrated. It was Tack. “Hey, can I call you back?” I knew I sounded off, though I tried to keep my tone even.
“You sound stressed.” It was a statement. Not an answer. Like so many times before, it confirmed Tack knew me.
I heaved a sigh, happy to have someone to talk to. “I am stressed.”
“Why?” Before I said anything else, he continued, “I know none of this makes sense. I know my remaining a secret is frustrating. Please don’t shut me out. It will all make sense. I am here for you, Willow.”
I cleared my throat. “How much longer?”
“Regardless of whether I find everything I need to or not, I’ll tell you everything within a month.”
A month.
That felt like an eternity, but it was an answer. Something drew me to Tack, and it was near impossible to resist.
“A month. I can live with that.”
I heard him blow out a breath. “Why are you stressed?”
“I’m about to take a pregnancy test.” Silence. “I’m scared to do this alone.” There I put it out there. My true feelings.
He cleared his throat. “Do you want me to be on the phone with you? We can do this together. You’re not alone.”
“Yes.” My one worded answer hung out there. “What if I’m not ready for this?”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, having endured what you have. And if you happen to be pregnant, you’ll be the best mom. I know it.”
This was why I had not thought about avoiding his phone call. Tack always knew the words I needed to hear t
o stay the course. I stood and headed to the toilet. “I’ll be right back. I’m not peeing with you on the phone.”
“Sounds good.” The accented chuckle brought a longing to my heart… to have a man who truly loved me for me.
Quickly, I hastened to get my business done and returned the stick to the counter while the timer on my phone ticked down. “I’m back. I set the alarm on my other phone.”
“Don’t worry. What’s meant to be will be.”
Pace five steps to the left.
Turn.
Pace five steps to the right.
Turn.
Pace five steps to the left.
Turn.
“What are you doing? Are you counting?”
I huffed. “I’m pacing. It’s helping.”
“Willow, what scares you the most?”
I stopped pacing. “Not being enough.”
“You are more than enough.”