Stop it, Maren!
I needed to get my hormones in check. Hell, it wasn’t my hormones it was my attraction to Bane.
Hot breath tickled my neck. “Want something to drink.”
“Umm … yeah that would be great.”
Hearing Bane leave, I sagged against the wall. Would one more time hurt? Yes, yes it would. Having a child, his child, growing within me would make sex different. It wouldn’t be sex for me. Taking deep breaths, I worked on calming my erratic pulse.
I can do this.
I pushed off the wall and headed to the kitchen. Bane had two glasses of ice water poured. Wordlessly he moved to the cream colored couch and placed the drinks on the pine coffee table. Bane sat in the middle of the couch which meant we’d be sitting next to each other regardless of what side I chose. It was too soon to be in that close. My newly built walls would surely crumble.
Taking the glass, I sat in the recliner across the way. A frown formed on Bane as he nodded to himself. “Maren, I’m going to cut right to the heart of the matter. I know this isn’t what either one of us planned, but I am happy about this baby. That morning in the bedroom I wanted to ask you to stay, but my fucked up past kept me from doing so. This baby kept me from losing you. It’s been a long time since I’ve cared about anything.”
Tears formed in my eyes as I heard the words, but the pain of rejection still scarred my memories. I mashed my lips together and wiped away the moisture that accumulated on the outside of the glass. If I spoke, I would cry.
“Maren, you’re not a replacement for Jasmine. I swear. What can I do to convince you?”
The sincerity in Bane’s voice seemed to ring true, but so had his words when he hadn’t wanted to continue the relationship. I was confused. Clearing my throat, I responded with a semi-hoarse voice. “Bane, I need time. I think you’re doing this because you’re scared of losing the baby. It won’t happen. I would never do that to you.”
Bane stood, his muscular frame in control of his every movement as he moved toward me. He knelt in front of me. “I know you wouldn’t. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll convince you how I feel. Words won’t work right now.”
There was nothing I could say as a tear slipped down my cheek. I hope he was telling the truth, but I didn’t dare hope.
IT HAD BEEN a week since we’d arrived in Brandon, Florida. It was the middle of the night while the clocked ticked on the wall. Each night, I semi-slept in the recliner that faced Maren’s room. In the early morning hours, I’d go to the kitchen to make coffee after messing up the sheets in the guest room.
All I cared about were keeping Maren and the baby safe. So far nothing happened that would make me think we were in danger, but I refused to relax this time around like I had before.
Out here, in the living room, I could hear everything that was going on. Also, I didn’t want the nightmares to come back and disturb Maren. So far, they hadn’t come back since I’d begun sleeping with her in Colorado. Minimizing my sleep to only an hour or two at a time ensured that they wouldn’t return.
I was miserable being away from my angel at night.
So far, I hadn’t made much headway with Maren. Sure, we were friendly and talked about the baby. But, everything stayed on the surface level. Anytime I tried to delve deeper, Maren avoided the topic. Plus, she was incredibly tired. I’d studied up on the first trimester and knew it was normal, but I worried every second of the day that something would happen to either of them.
I sighed as I watched her door, wishing I was in there with her. What could I do? Her walls were getting stronger every damn day. There was no doubt that she still wanted me. Attraction, desire, want, or caring wasn’t the problem. Trusting me was. I wasn’t sure what my next step should be so I treaded water. Staying in place wasn’t moving forward, but at least it wasn’t backward.
My eyes grew heavy. If I only shut them for a little bit, I’d get the needed sleep to make it through the night. As my eyes drifted close, the door opened sending me into an upright position. Maren walked out toward the kitchen. There was no avoiding her seeing me in the moonlight. She froze. “What are you doing up?”
“I—I—I” Fuck, I was at a loss for words.
Maren walked up to me, her bare legs had me wanting to run my hands up them to the core of her body while she writhed beneath me. “Are you sleeping out here?”
“I wanted to make sure you guys are safe.”
She knelt in front of me. “Bane, you have three guys watching this place twenty-four seven.”
“I know, but I wanted to make sure. Out here, I can hear everything.”
Maren’s eyes searched mine in the moonlight. I felt like she had a direct window into my soul. “Have you been doing this since we got here?”
“Yes.”
A long silence permeated the air. Maren stood and held out her hand. “Bane, you need to sleep.”
I knew I was running on fucking fumes. “I will. I promise”
Maren kept holding out her hand. I took it not knowing where this was going. Silently she led me to her room. “Do you want to stay in here with me? It’s nothing sexual, but you need your sleep. Will that help?”