“I think you are more than dressed for a stroll along the grounds. I’ve asked Nelly to have lunch fixed for us for when we return.” Reaching down, Devlin grabbed my hands and pulled me up, causing me to let out a chortle. It had been almost a month since I felt alive enough to even breathe, so the laughter felt good.
“Fine, I shall join you for a walk.”
Devlin and I walked in silence before he finally cleared his throat. “Sophia, I’m not even sure how to say this or when I should be saying it. I don’t know the rules on this. It feels as if it’s too soon, yet sometimes …”
I stopped walking and looked at Devlin. His brown eyes were breathtaking. They were so light in color that they sparkled. Especially when he looked at me. It has always been that way though. Devlin never was one to shy away from how he felt about me, but he remained a gentleman at all times.
“What feels too soon?”
Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh. “It’s almost been a month. My heart tells me that there will never be a proper time. I don’t think you will ever truly be over Daniel.”
Shaking my head, I whispered, “No. Only Danny owned my heart, for always.”
Placing his hand on the side of my face, the warmth instantly spread through my body. I had so longed for Danny’s touch these last few months. Closing my eyes, I leaned my face into Devlin’s hand. “Let me take care of you, Sophia. We don’t ever have to go back to Savannah. We can stay here as long as you’d like. I’m not asking you to forget Daniel, I’m asking you to make a little bit of room in your heart for me. I swear to you, I’ll love you until the day I die.”
I placed my hand over Devlin’s. “How unfair it would be of me to ask you to take care of me like that, Devlin. I’m not sure I could ever give one hundred percent of myself to you. You need to find someone who will love you like you deserve to be loved. Not someone who will only give you a small part of her heart.”
Swallowing hard, Devlin’s eyes pierced mine. “Over time, my prayer is that you will learn to love me, not like you loved Daniel, but love me nonetheless.”
For one brief moment, I wanted to have the touch of a man’s hands o
ver my body. I wanted to feel what it would be like to let my mind slip away and let someone love me. I wanted to know what it would be like to have Devlin make love to me.
Turning away quickly, I began walking. The guilt of wanting Devlin’s touch raced through my body and mixed with my sorrow over losing Danny. “Will you give me more time, Devlin?”
Walking next to me, Devlin reached down for my hand. “Yes, my darling, Sophia, I’ll wait for you as long as you need me to.”
Looking out over the gardens, my tears felt like fire as they moved down my face. With each tear that fell, my heart hurt more and more.
Danny. I miss you so.
RIDING UP ON Champion, Devlin’s prized thoroughbred, I smiled at the sight of Devlin talking to another caller. He had decided to throw a garden party to not only get all the visits over with in one fell swoop, but to also get his mother off of his back. She had been sending him letters, reminding him of his place in the family, and how a garden party would be a wonderful thing to do. She also insisted it would make me feel better.
Sliding down off of Champion, I adjusted my black riding dress. Almost two months had passed since I had lost both Danny and the baby and a total of four months since I stood on the dock and said good-bye to the love of my life.
Walking up to Devlin, I was shocked at the way the young girl threw herself at him. She had touched him three times in the last thirty seconds. Plastering on a fake smile, I stopped in front of Devlin and the young woman. Devlin’s face lit up when he saw me. It was growing harder and harder to resist his smile. I was positive it was because I was lonely and longed for Danny’s touch. The last thing I wanted to do was make Devlin feel like he was being used as a replacement.
“Sophia, how was your ride?” Devlin asked as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. The young girl raised her eyebrow as she watched the exchange between Devlin and myself.
Giving a slight bow of my head, I answered. “Peaceful.”
Grinning like a fool, Devlin turned his attention back to the young lady. “Um … I’m sorry how rude of me. What was your name again?”
Attempting to hide my giggle when the young girl seemed offended that Devlin had forgotten her name, I looked everywhere but at her.
“Beatrice.”
Nodding his head and saying, “Ahh, yes that is right. Beatrice, this is my very dear friend, Sophia.”
Glancing barely in my direction, she let her eyes linger on me. “Pleasure to meet you.”
Feeling like I was about to fall over from the death stare she was giving me, I spoke to her quickly, “The pleasure is all mine.” Turning to Devlin, “I’m feeling a headache coming on. I’m going to retire to my room if that is okay.”
Devlin’s smile faded. “Of course, it is.”
Excusing myself, I spun on my heels and made my way toward the giant white house that I’d been calling home for the last two months.
Making my way to the kitchen, I bribed the kitchen staff out of two biscuits, then found the bottle of wine that Devlin had stashed in the kitchen earlier that day in an attempt to hide it from me. Devlin expressed his concern of my newfound fondness of wine. I used the spirits to drown my sorrow away. If only it worked. My little sister Annie was here visiting me and she spent most of her time in Devlin’s kitchen. She had a passion for cooking. That warmed my heart and made me think of Danny’s plans to open a restaurant of his own.