He gives me a small smile. “Tell me more.”
“She missed our high school graduation because she met this super sexy drummer and went to get high and make-out with him. The bitch,” I laugh, shaking my head. “I’d put her in my speech and everything.”
“Speech?” Julian asks.
“I was valedictorian. Oh, and last year she decided that she was going to move to Italy and be a model. I had a job with this fashion company for half a second and so it kind of took over her brain. I think she still has an Italy collage on her wall.” I look at Julian, but he’s not smiling. “What?”
He clears his throat. “Well, those stories have something in common.”
“Yeah, Cosette’s craziness.”
“No,” he shakes his head. “The fact that she’s jealous of you.”
I make a face. “That’s absurd. Cosette isn’t jealous of me. I’m nothing to be jealous of.” But even though I say the words, a sliver of ice goes through me. Her words in the parking lot ringing clear in my mind. She certainly did seem jealous. Of me and Julian. Of the fact that I have a job at the club at all.
Julian chuckles. “I would disagree with that statement, but I want you to think about it. It’s not your fault that she’s reacting this way, but if you’ve never talked about this, never acknowledged it, and that’s the problem? It’s going to keep happening.”
“Yeah.” I feel numb. Like someone’s plunged me in a tub of ice water.
Cosette is jealous of me. Now that he’s said that, it seems like it’s been there in neon lights all along and I somehow managed not to see it all this time. And I’ve been so blind thinking something was wrong, that she was just being Cosette and that she would get over it. I’m a fucking idiot. And everything she said tonight, she believes that. She believes that I had no business auditioning for the club, that I’m getting special treatment because of Julian. And am I? I guess in a way I am, I hadn’t thought of the tips as special treatment—more of a way to get the club riled up—but I haven’t seen him tip any of the other dancers the way he does me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”
He smiles. It’s a slow smile that makes my stomach warm. “Good. I was hoping to see you tonight, under better circumstances. But since we’re here…” He leans in to kiss me, and I can’t. I just can’t. I place a hand on his chest, and he freezes.
“I’m okay,” I say, “but I can’t do this tonight.” After everything that Cosette said, he can’t be here when she wakes up. Or worse, she can’t wake up still drunk and find us fucking on the couch. What kind of friend would I be, throwing that in her face knowing that’s what’s bothering her? But I don’t know how to say all that to Julian. It’s not his fault. This is between me and my friend. So tonight, I’ll send him home, and we’ll deal with things in the morning.
His eyebrows are raised in surprise. “All right.”
“I have…some things to think about, and I think it’s better if she wakes up to just me.”
“You kicking me out?” he says playfully, with a half-smile and eyes sparkling.
Dread spreads in my chest. “I wouldn’t put it like that.”
He draws a finger down my cheek. “I’m teasing you, little dancer. I’m surprised, but I understand.”
“Thank you.”
I walk with him to the door, and he gives me a soft kiss goodbye. “I drove you here,” I say suddenly, realizing.
“It’s pretty much the one reason cabs were invented.”
It surprises a laugh out of me. “I guess that’s true.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks.
“Tomorrow.” But as he walks away, I feel uneasy, like there’s something I missed that just changed between us.
9
I hear stirring from Cosette’s room when I come back into the house in the morning. She was still asleep when I left to get us our favorite hangover food—chocolate chip pancakes. I also bought a Gatorade the size of Arizona itself for her because she’s going to need it.