With a small shrug, I said, “I have a date tonight. It was planned before you and I … did this.” I motioned between us. “Whatever the fuck this is.”
My voice was now laced with anger. I was pissed at myself for being such a dick.
“You’re not going on it, are you?” she asked.
“Why shouldn’t I? You just made it clear that we are nothing but fuck buddies. Are we exclusive fuck buddies?”
Her mouth fell as I saw the hurt in her eyes. I knew deep down in her heart we were much more than just the sex, but she wouldn’t admit it.
The hurt was replaced with anger. “You just fucked me into oblivion, and you have the nerve to tell me you want to go on a date tonight?”
I pushed off my desk, anger now present in my own eyes. “Why not? You made it damn clear this was just about sex. Lots and lots of sex. So why shouldn’t I date. Maybe I need something more than just sex, Charlie. You ever think of that?”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. “I … I don’t know if I can … I need more time.”
“Time? Honey, you don’t have much time.” I let her read the double meaning behind that statement all she wanted.
And with that, I walked past her and out of my office. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to play this game much longer. The music started to pound against my body as I walked out into the bar area. One full sweep around the bar and I found the one person I was looking for.
THE SOUNDS OF Mr. Pootie snoring next to me only served as a reminder of how pathetic I was. Here I sat with ice cream in one hand and a remote in the other as I flicked through the channels and talked to myself. My parents’ letters sat on the coffee table, staring at me. I still hadn’t had the courage to open them.
“We already watched that movie last night. Nope. Saw that episode of Cupcake Wars. Ugh, romance movie. No, thank you.”
Hitting the off button, I dropped the remote on the cushion next to me.
“Do you think he’s with her tonight?” I asked, glancing down at my sleeping cat. I poked him to wake him up. I needed to talk, and he wasn’t being cooperative. He looked up at me and shot me the dirtiest look.
“I said, do you think he’s with her tonight?”
I got a meow in response before he laid his head back down, clearly not amused.
“Yeah, I know I’m a stupid ass, but if I open up to him I know what will happen. I can’t fall for him because I have to keep a clear head. After all, I may need to marry him, but falling back in love with him is out of the question.”
Mr. Pootie didn’t even bother to open his eyes when he responded with a drawn-out meow. If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn he told me to shut up.
“Yes, I know I haven’t fallen out of love with him, but I’ve learned to control that feeling.”
Another spoonful of ice cream went into my mouth.
“What a crock of bullshit,” I mumbled.
I thought back to the other night at Sedotto’s when I walked out of Tucker’s office and saw him talking to the brunette. She laughed at something he said and then when he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her to the door to leave, I almost burst into tears. We’d just finished having sex not even ten minutes before he walked out the door with another woman.
How could he be such a dick?
I closed my eyes and groaned. He’d given me the chance to tell him what we had going on was something more, and I didn’t take that chance. I practically pushed him into her arms. Since then, I’d found out through Lily and Terri that Tucker had been out with this girl at least once more this past week.
Were they having sex? The thought alone made me feel ill.
Maybe I needed to cut my losses with Tucker and find someone else. I didn’t have much time left. I pulled up my contacts and started to go through them. When I landed on Nash’s name, I paused. My finger lingered over the button to push, but I backed out and pulled up Tucker’s name. The racing of my heart should have been my first clue it would be a mistake to call him. What if he was with someone? I didn’t think I could bear the thought. I finally groaned and tossed the phone back down.
“What in the hell am I doing?” The thought of even kissing Nash made me want to gag, yet breaking down and calling Tucker was not an option.
I settled in for a movie and soon found I fought to keep my eyes open. Falling down across my sofa, I grabbed a pillow and closed my eyes for just a few minutes.
The knocking on my door had me jumping up. I spun around a few times and tried to figure out where I was.
My living room.