When the door was slammed open again, he looked up, glad he had taken the extra pill.
Leaning back in the chair, he crossed his arms, waiting for Gavin to tell him why he was so angry.
“Viper wants me to take over watching Ginny.” Placing his hands on the desk, he towered over Shade threateningly. “Find someone else.”
“No.” Shade stayed still. He didn’t want to get in a physical fight with Gavin, but the fucker needed a wake-up call, and he was tired of pussy-footing around him. “All the brothers have been carrying your weight long enough. Everyone in the club pulls their own weight. It’s time you started pulling yours again.”
“Then I’ll start working in the factory or taking turns in the security room.”
“I don’t need you to work in the factory. We’re overloaded right now anyway. I don’t need you working the security room—Rider and I can take care of that. What we can’t do anymore is leave our women and children unprotected while you run around on your bike, shirking your responsibilities.”
“She’s not my responsibility.”
“She is now. If you don’t do it, then Rider or I will go. If something happens to Lily or Jo, do you want that responsibility?”
“No,” he answered reluctantly.
“Then I guess you’ll be packing your bags.”
“I won’t do it!” With a swipe of his large hand, the contents on the desk were wiped clean.
Shade still didn’t move.
“That was unnecessary, and you will clean this mess. If that computer is broken, you will buy another one.”
“Go to hell!”
It was hard, but Shade managed to control his expression. The tortured expression on Gavin’s face was difficult to take without caving in and letting Gavin off the hook.
“Ginny’s a sweet kid. You’ll like her.”
Gavin used a booted foot to kick the computer against the wall.
“If I couldn’t protect myself, how in the fuck can I protect her?” he shouted at him.
“You’re older and wiser. No one could get past you before. You were the first one that saw through Rider. You knew what I was capable of after meeting me for two minutes and warned Viper. You saw through Delara and warned Rider. If you hadn’t realized what she was going to do, a lot of soldiers wouldn’t have made it back.”
Gavin picked up the massive desk and dropped it back down.
Shade had had enough. Something bad had happened for Gavin to react so strongly. He was so furious he had lost his grip on reality.
Shade didn’t give him an opportunity to react, plowing into Gavin so hard he was shoved back against the wall, sending pictures falling.
“What the fuck?” Jewell started rushing in, hearing the sounds of the fight.
“Get out!” Shade yelled at her.
She barely made it out, closing the door again when Shade found himself thrown against the center.”
“I’m not going!” Gavin shouted.
Shade took a running jump at him, shoving him down on top of the desk. Pinning him with an arm on his throat, he unmercifully used his weight to cut off his oxygen supply.
“You’re fucking going!” Snarling down into his upturned face, Shade made his demands clear.
“I don’t know what the fuck set you off, and I don’t fucking care! Viper ordered you to go, and you’re going to fucking obey his order just like every one of us do! You think you’ve been through hell?” He pressed down harder. “Your disappearance nearly destroyed Viper! He blamed himself. He still does! Every time he looks at that fucked-up haircut, the scars on your back and wrists, it kills him. I’m fucking sick of watching him pay for your mistake.
“Yes, brother, you made a big one. Own up to it, figure out why you made it, and don’t ever make it again!” Shade raised his arm, but only long enough to slam his head down on the desk.
“Now get your ass out of my sight and get your bags packed, or so help me God, I’ll tie you up and put you on that fucking plane myself! You fucking got me?” With another head slam, Shade released him.
He moved away from Gavin, expecting the man to jump up and attack him again. He didn’t. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, blinking, frowning.
Shade was beginning to think he had hurt him by banging his head on the table, but suddenly Gavin staggered off the desk, going for the door.
Shade was surprised when he didn’t go to the door, but instead leaned against it face first, his hand on the knob.
“I can’t do it.”
Shade steeled himself. It wasn’t easy, but he wasn’t going to pull back and let Gavin get out of going. He already had too many chances to fix himself. It was time to take it out of his hands.
“You can, and you will. Viper trusted you once before when you came to Treepoint to start the factory, even though he wanted you to wait for him,” he reminded him heartlessly. “He’s trusting you again to do this job for him, and you will not let him down this time.”
Shade saw him nod his head against the door.
“I won’t.” Straightening, he opened the door and left, leaving the door open.
Shade walked to the doorway, watching him leave.
“Is he okay?” Jewell asked, coming to his side.
“No,” Shade answered. He didn’t know if his friend would be okay ever again. Gavin was a broken man. His body and mind still bore the wounds of his torture and always would. Until the wounds both mentally and physically scarred over and they couldn’t hurt him anymore, he would continue to battle a non-existent fight.
All his captors were dead. He had no one left to fight except the ones who still existed in his memory. Only when he accepted that truth would Gavin finally be free.
“Do you want me to clean the mess he made?” Jewell volunteered, seeing the destruction behind him.
“No, let Bubba do it. There’s nothing left to break.”
CHAPTER 13
Lily entered her front door, expecting to see Shade, John, and Clint playing in the living room, waiting for her to get home. The only one there was Shade, sitting on the couch, staring at a dark television set.
She was used to laughter and the raised childish voices, so the silence in the room was deafening.
Taking her coat off, she then hung it up, afraid that something bad had happened from Shade’s deadened expression.
“Is something wrong? Has something happened?” Dropping her purse on the chair, she wanted to go to him, but something held her back, sensing that he didn’t want to be touched. “Where’re the boys?”
“I asked Razer if the boys could stay with him tonight.”
“Why?”
“I needed the night away from them. I want you to go spend the night there, too.”
Lily bit her trembling lip. Shade had never asked her to spend the night away from him before.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I did.” Shade turned his eyes away from the television set to meet hers. “You told me the other day that you’re afraid I’ll stop loving you. Angel, you should have never loved me in the first place. You have no concept of the man I am. You can’t because you’re everything I’m not.”
“Shade….”
“I’m not kind, I’m not nice, I don’t care about anyone but us. How fucked up is that?”
“It’s not fucked up. It’s why I fell in love with you. I knew you would put our children and me first.”
“I haven’t put you first since I started watching Ginny. I let that that snot-nosed kid think he could get away with harassing you. I let you doubt yourself again.”
“Shade… please don’t. All of us have sacrificed to keep Ginny safe. We all voted. We chose to keep her safe and we have.”
“I didn’t even realize you were pregnant until we had lunch.”
His hoarse voice had her blinking back tears.
“How did you figure it out?”
“You didn’t drink coffee for lunch. You always have cof
fee with your pie. Both times you were pregnant, I knew. This time, I had no fucking clue.”
“There was no way you could have. I only found out yesterday. That’s why I wanted to spend the day with Clint. I want to spend as much time as I can with them before the baby comes and they have to share me. My men are a little overpossessive.”