Squishing herself into a ball, she pressed Dustin’s number, then disconnected at the first ring, hating herself.
“Get yourself under control, girl. You don’t need Dustin,” she was telling herself for the fourth time when she heard a ping at her window.
Using her body, she shimmied the chair toward the window. Raising it, she looked out, expecting to see Dustin’s gloating face.
The bastard didn’t disappoint.
“You called?” he asked mockingly.
“I accidentally butt-dialed you.”
“Really? I guess I’ll be going then—”
“Wait! What’s your hurry?” Her sarcasm had only lasted long enough for him to head out of the reach of the light shining from the inside.
“It’s one o’clock in the morning, thought I’d go back to bed. I have to work tomorrow.”
“You weren’t at home in bed. You got here too quick.”
“I didn’t say I was going home, said I was going back to bed. My sleeping bag is over there in the trees, off to the side.”
“Why are you sleeping outside?”
“Because you told me that you would shoot me if I threw a rock at your window.”
“Oh ….”
“Yes, oh …,” he mocked, taking a step farther into the shadows. “Reckon, I’ll be going—”
“Wait!” Raking her teeth over her bottom lip, she thought over her options. She could let him go and spend the rest of the night jumping at every sound, or she could ask him inside.
It only took a second to decide.
Running a finger over the windowsill, she looked up at him through her lashes. “You want to come in and watch some TV?”
“Nope.”
Her heart dropped.
“I want to come in and get some sleep.”
“Okay.”
Getting off the chair, she pushed it away from the window.
When Dustin didn’t climb inside, she went back to the window. “What’s taking so long?”
“You sure you’re not waiting to shoot me?”
Jessie rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to shoot you, I promise.”
When he still didn’t make a move, she sat on the windowsill, sensing he wanted more from her to ease his pride. It would be easier to lower the window than lower her pride, but she knew from experience she wasn’t happy without him being a part of her life. If she wanted to be happy, like she truly was when Dustin was a friend, she was going to have to drop the shield that she’d been hiding behind since he had thrown the bracelet at her feet.
“When you kissed me the other day, it was my first kiss. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and if I hadn’t been raped, I would have died a virgin before giving it up to another man who wasn’t you.
“I was sitting alone in my bedroom, going through magazines and looking at wedding dresses when you went to your school prom. I look back, and I know it was crazy, but I was sure that sooner or later, you would feel about me the way I feel about you.
“Year after year, I kept waiting, watching you share all the things I planned on us doing together. Then, having to hear the firsthand stories about the things did and places you went with your women, each time I kept thinking: Why couldn’t it have been me?”
Jessie stared out into the starry night, pretending he wasn’t listening to every word coming out of her mouth. “I was saving all my firsts for you, Dustin. If I couldn’t have you, I didn’t want another man. I always, always knew I loved you. Even when you threw our friendship away, I still loved you.”
Rhetorically, she asked the question she already knew the answer to, “You know what firsts you saved for me? Not a single one. I even know you and Sam eloped.” Memories filled with the despair and heartache she had suffered through while staring out at the same starry sky years ago hadn’t eased with the passage of time.
“When children are enrolled in my daycare, I ask for birth certificates. Holly gave me Logan’s. It listed you as the father, and Sam… she signed it Samantha Porter.”
“No one knows. She filed for an annulment practically before the ink was dry.”
“She loved you enough to give Logan your last name, but she didn’t love you enough to fight her father for you. I would have died before I signed that annulment paper, but again, I’m not Sam.”
“No, you’re not Sam.”
Jessie didn’t know if that was a compliment or a diss, and she really didn’t care.
“I’m not going to be your booty call. I can understand you not wanting to get married, but if the time comes and I want to get married and it’s still off the table, I’ll move on. I’m done waiting for you to realize that I’m the woman for you. Either I am or I’m not, but I’m done pining after you.”
Sighing, Jessie got off the windowsill. “I promised myself I’d rather spend a thousand sleepless nights alone than let you back in my bedroom again. If I can lower my pride enough to let you in, the least you could do is be a gentleman and get your ass in here.”