Maybe they hadn’t forgotten about him, and he was supposed to be here. Was this void death? Were there no pearly gates? No fires of damnation waiting to engulf him in their flames? He wasn’t eager to be torched, but this endless darkness was just as bad. At least he would be able to see, to escape the fires.
Each time he tried to escape the darkness, he tried harder, like a newborn trying to reach out to his mobile yet unable to quite reach it. The more he tried, the closer Dustin sensed he got.
He couldn’t explain why nothing around him changed, nothing felt different, but then he felt as if the veil had been parted a tiny silver. He finally passed through to come out on the side.
One second, he was floating in the dark void, and the next, he felt as if he took a running jump off a jet, hurdling toward the ground.
Screaming silently, his arms and legs flailing, he tried to catch anything to break his fall, blindly waiting for the agony of crashing to earth.
“I’m here, Dustin, I’m here.”
The sound of Jessie’s voice was a lifeline, reaching out to him to grasp.
Seeing the ground coming faster toward him, he flung his hands out, somehow knowing that if he didn’t reach out again, he wouldn’t be given another opportunity.
Reaching out, he tried one last time … and felt her hand catch his.
Gasping, Dustin opened his eyes.
“Oh … God. You’re awake.”
“Jessie,” he said hoarsely. “I thought I died. I had another dream.”
Jessie pressed his hand to her cheek. “It wasn’t a dream. You did die. Knox brought you back. You’re in the hospital. Dr. Price told us about the tumor.”
Dustin closed his eyes. It hadn’t been a dream. He had died. That her reaction had left her devastated had him feeling guilty that he hadn’t told her.
Opening his eyes, he stared up at her sorrowfully. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I started to tell you a dozen times, but I couldn’t.”
A ragged sob tore from her throat. “Because of Greer and Rachel.”
“Yes. I couldn’t take the chance that you would talk me into telling them. You’ve always been able to talk me into anything.”
“I understand, but I don’t agree with you. I promised Greer that I would repeat a couple of messages to you.”
Dustin winced, trying to sit up.
“Don’t move. I’ll raise you.”
Dustin felt the bed rising his upper body so he didn’t have to look up at her.
“You want some water?”
“I’m going to need something stronger if you’re going to repeat Greer’s messages.”
“Sorry, the nurse will throw me out if I sneak a beer inside.”
Jessie went around the side of his bed to the table. With her back turned around, he could see her back shaking as she tried to joke about bringing him a beer. As she turned back around to him, he could tell she was trying hard to get control of her emotions.
Dustin took a drink of water out of the plastic mug she held for him. When he tried to take it from her, it started to slip from his hand.
“What’s wrong with my hand?”
“The tumor.”
From her tears and the look in her eyes, Dustin knew he didn’t have long.
He tried to wipe her tears away, but his hand lay limply by his side.
“Don’t cry. Tell me what Greer said.”
Jessie came back to the other side of his bed, sitting down on the bed next to his hip. He couldn’t help but laugh when she repeated his message.
“He’s not joking. He means it.”
“I know he does. He swore on Ma’s headstone?”
“Yes. Let him and Rachel in, Dustin. They know they’re going to lose you. Don’t make it worse. You told them your goodbyes in a letter; give them the same opportunity to tell you theirs.”
Dustin searched her eyes. “You found it, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right, like he did when Logan was hurt and frightened, but his useless arms weren’t cooperating.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I felt terrible when I threw those beads down. I’ll never forget your face. The next day, I tried to sneak to your house to tell you I was sorry, and your pa caught me. He threatened me … and you. I was afraid that if he caught us talking again, he would hurt you. I wasn’t going to take the chance.”
“Pa’s been dead for a few years,” she reminded him.
He tried to lift his failing arms again. Seeing what he was trying to do, she lay down next to him on the bed.
“Tell me,” she said, winding her arms around him being careful not to set his monitors off. “Am I hurting you?”
“No, Peanut, you’re not hurting me.” His explanation was a long time coming, but it didn’t make it easier. “Holt was there when your pa threatened me. It was only when you were kidnapped that I realized how much your brothers cared about you. And truth be told, I believed Asher was the one who was with Diane when Logan got lured away from the house. It’s hard to go courtin’ someone’s sister when you were still thinking about killing him.”