“Rider and Moon.”
“Has Slate shown up?”
“No.”
Hatred for the man who had destroyed his life burned hotter each day that he spent fighting the addiction that still made days and nights a trial of endurance.
Shade leaned forward in his chair, compelling Reaper to focus back on him instead of the tormenting memories. “Listen to me; I know you want payback. Slate isn’t going to catch you, and if you want to capture the son of bitch, you’re going to have to put what he did to you behind you—pretend the fuckers are dead if you have to. What you need to do is concentrate on getting better. Then, when you’re ready, you will be able to use that strategic shit you excel at to find him or anyone else you want.
“Slate has a whole network of buddies to hide behind. I bet he’s blackmailed more than three or four to keep him safe so far, if not more. If I figured this shit out, you should have too. Not once did you go into a battle or a mission unprepared, so don’t start now when it means so much to you. Because, if you don’t and you keep letting your emotions lead the fucking way, you’ll be dead with no one to blame but yourself.”
Shade pushed the plate that Reaper had shoved away back in front of him. “Now eat the fucking sandwich.”
* * *
Reaper anxiously watched the door, waiting for Taylor to arrive. He was self-consciously aware that Calder and his girlfriend, Crazy Bitch, had left the room to wait on the patio, giving them privacy.
Already heightened nerves had his breath catching in his throat when the door opened.
She was just as beautiful as he had remembered. Her luminous eyes were already glinting with tears when she came through the door.
Where was the pounding heartbeat that he’d thought would be trying to jump out of his chest?
Confused at his reaction, he stood, still not sure if he should make the first move to hug her or wait for her to do it. In his fantasies, she had run into his arms. Instead, she just stood there, looking at him with sorrow in her gaze while twisting a wedding ring that he hadn’t been the one to place on her hand.
“You’re still as beautiful as I remember.” Nervous, he took a small step forward, then stopped uncertainly.
“When Viper told me you were alive, I couldn’t believe it. I still really can’t believe it’s true,” she whispered tearfully. “I missed you.”
“I dreamed about you every day; it’s what kept me alive.”
Taylor stared down at her hands as she continuously twisted her wedding ring. “I’m married. We’re having a baby.”
“Are you happy?” Fear that she was or wasn’t clenched his stomach in indecision, not certain which answer he wanted to hear from her lips.
“I was …” Her trembling voice became firmer. “We are.”
“I never stopped loving you.” Had he? He inwardly searched for the feeling of love that he once felt for her, scraping blindly to find even a tendril to harness the agony of what he was feeling—the same disconnect with her as with everyone else from his past.
He had imagined reuniting with her so many times … It was what had kept him sane. Without her there would be nothing left of him. He had already known the old Gavin was gone, but he had held onto the hope that the part of him that belonged to Taylor would keep him grounded and wouldn’t let him give in to the despair of grieving for the life he was terrified was now permanently lost to him.
“I won’t leave my husband for you. We built a life together. I might not love him the way I loved you, but it’s good. I was never going to be enough for you, and with Burn, I’m all he wants.”
“Don’t say that. I’ll do anything you want,” he pled, feeling as if there was an invisible wall between them.
Why aren’t I trying to scale the wall and taking her in my arms, he wailed internally to himself, knowing the answer even though it was the last thing he wanted to admit. She was married and carrying Burn’s child. Trying to get Taylor to break her vows had him going back and forth between wanting to succeed and being repulsed at himself.
“I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m so sorry … I shouldn’t have come. I just needed to see you one last time and say our good-byes in person.” Turning she went to the door.
“Don’t leave,” he begged, feeling as if she was sucking the air out of him the farther away she moved. “Please stay … I love you,” he again begged helplessly.
“It’s the first time you’ve told me I love you, and I actually believe it,” she said with her back to him.