Iain sat silent for a few minutes. ‘I knew it, you’re officially crazy.’
‘What?’ She couldn’t believe it. What on earth was going on?
He stood up and pointed at the flowers. ‘Tell me one thing. Should I be worried? Is someone else about to steal you away?’
She couldn’t answer. She was flabbergasted. He walked around the monster bouquet and knelt in front of her.
He stared up at her with his big brown eyes. ‘Because I want you to know, Lexi Robbins, I’ll fight to the death for you,’ he whispered.
This time her breath caught in her throat. ‘They’re from Leo,’ she said hoarsely, ‘and the rest of the staff at the clinic.’
‘You don’t know how glad I am to hear that. Lexi, honey, you have nothing to be sorry for. Not a single thing.’ He reached out and took her hand.
‘Wh-what do you mean?’ Her voice was trembling. Her hands were trembling too.
Iain looked different this morning. And that didn’t include the scrubs. He looked as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. There wasn’t a brooding black cloud hanging over him. There was sadness in his eyes, but it was different. It was focused entirely on her. Not on someone else.
His hand closed firmly around hers. ‘I mean that I’m the one who should be sorry. And I’m the one who should be thanking you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t get it. What’s happened?’
‘I don’t get it either. But I know who got me here.’ He stood up, pulling her into his arms.
‘From the first second I met you, no, from the first second I smelled you, you started to wake me up. You started to make me feel again.’
She didn’t know what to say. This was so unexpected. And she was scared. He was touching her, holding her. But after last night she couldn’t believe it was true.
‘Iain, what’s going on here?’
He lifted his hand and ran a gentle finger down her cheek. ‘It’s you, Lexi Robbins. This is all about you.’
Her hand reached up and covered his. She was still trembling, she couldn’t help it. Had she fallen asleep at her desk? Was she in the middle of a dream? This really couldn’t be happening.
Iain’s warm breath was on her skin. She could smell his scent with every breath she took. ‘Lexi, you’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met. Even with the parents you have—and the bad experience of Jack Parker—you have never given up on love. Last night, when you weren’t afraid to tell me you wanted more. You deserve more. I realised exactly what I could lose if I couldn’t stop being afraid.’
She shook her head. ‘You’re not afraid of things, Iain. You’re just not ready.’
He smiled. ‘I thought I wasn’t ready. But my body …’ he pointed at his chest ‘… and heart were telling me something different.’ He ran his fingers down her arms and put his hands back at her waist. ‘Last night helped me gain some perspective. I finally said the words out loud. I’ve waited a long time for that.’
She couldn’t help it. No matter how confused she was feeling right now, she couldn’t stay away. She wound her arms around his neck and held him close. Their breathing unified. Up and down at the same time. They stayed like that for a few minutes.
If only time could just stop here. If only she could stay in this moment for ever. This could be perfect.
But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.
Iain was having an epiphany in his life. He had hopes and dreams. And she was about to dash some of them because she’d been so focused on him telling her the truth that she hadn’t done it herself.
She pulled back a little and touched his cheek just below his dark eyes. This was where she wanted to stay. This was who she wanted to stay with. He was smiling at her now. Capturing her heart the way he’d captured the heart of all the women watching the advertisement. Iain could do that to you, with just one look.
‘I’m so glad you finally said those words,’ she whispered. ‘You would have been a wonderful father.’ Would he hear the sadness in her tone? Would he understand when she told him she didn’t want to steal that opportunity from him?
But Iain looked happy, his skin was brighter and his eyes positively shining. His voice lowered, taking on a quiet tone. ‘Bonnie loved me, Lexi. I can say that with pride. And I loved her. We both wanted that family together.’
This was it. This was where everything she wanted fell apart.
‘She wouldn’t have wanted this for me. She would have wanted me to move on.’ His eyes lowered to meet hers. ‘She would have wanted me to be happy. Happy with you.’
She took a step back, out of his embrace. Her head was starting to swim. She’d never been the type to go weak at the knees, but right now she felt as if she was about to take a swan dive. She thumped down into the chair behind her.
‘Don’t, Iain. Don’t do this.’ She closed her eyes tightly.
‘What’s wrong? What do you mean?’ He knelt down in front of her again. His face still had that exuberant look about it. He was still caught up in the moment. Thinking that they could both have their happy-ever-after. ‘Do you know what I dreamed about last night, Lexi?’
He didn’t give her a chance to answer.
‘You. I dreamed about you. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. But now I can go to sleep knowing that I won’t be haunted by nightmares. Now I know that when I close my eyes it’s going to be good memories and a happy future.’
She bit her lip. She had to stop him. She had to stop him now. Before he said that those dreams were filled with their children dancing beside them.
She lifted her hand. ‘Stop, Iain. Just stop.’
He pulled back a little. ‘What’s wrong?’
Tears started to flow down her cheeks. ‘I don’t want you to tell me the next part. I’m not the woman for you. We’re not going to sail off into the sunset with a family around us.’
‘Lexi? Lexi, what’s wrong?’ He leaned forward and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Why are you crying? What is it?’
She lifted one of his hands off her shoulder and pressed it to her stomach, her hand over his. ‘I can’t give you your dream, Iain. I can’t give you the family that you want.’
She started to sob. Now she’d started crying she didn’t know how to stop.
‘Lexi?’ His voice had deepened but he didn’t sound angry, he sounded concerned.
She fumbled for her bag and pulled out a dog-eared photograph and pushed it towards him. He picked it up and squinted at it, before placing it on her lap.
‘It’s you. With a baby. You look so young. What are you
telling me?’ The concern was laced all through his voice.
She sniffed. ‘I told you that my Aunt Josephine looked after me for a while?’ He nodded.
‘She is the wisest woman I’ve ever known. When I had my accident I was only twelve. Horses can do a lot of damage to a young body.’
He nodded seriously but said nothing, letting her continue.
She tried to brush away some of her tears. ‘I had a hysterectomy, Iain. I had a hysterectomy when I was twelve. I’m never going to be able to give you the children that you want.’
She pointed to the photo. ‘This is my life. This is how I will get my family. My aunt knew straight away what she was doing when she took me to that orphanage. She was showing me that there were children who needed love. Children who needed families. Children all over the world who could benefit from being adopted.’ She met his eyes. ‘That’s the only way I can get the family I want.’
His face broke into a smile. ‘And why is that so awful? Why is that something to cry about?’
‘Because it’s not your only option.’ The words shot out of her mouth. She didn’t mean them to sound bitter. But it was the thing that was front and foremost in her mind.
He touched her face again, brushing away her tears. ‘The option that I want is you.’
Her voice still trembled. ‘But you deserve so much more.’ Her eyes were heavy with tears and although she was scared to look at him she had to.
He stood over her, looking at her with his deep chocolate eyes with sincerity radiating from them. ‘What I hope I deserve—if you’re willing to forgive me—is you. You—Lexi Robbins—are the most important person to me in the world right now.’
His voice was so sincere, so solid that she took in a shuddery breath. She’d thought he would want a family too much to stay with her. ‘But—’
He put his finger across her lips. ‘But nothing. I watched you at the Tower. You will make some lucky children a fabulous mother. And I really hope above everything that I can make a good dad. You’ve got years’ worth of contacts with your orphanage in China. I have contacts with the orphanage I’m going back to in Romania this summer. If there is a way to make this happen, Lexi, we will.’ He wound her hair around his fingers, cradling her head in his hands. ‘And if for some reason it doesn’t, then I’ll still be the happiest man alive, growing old with the woman I love.’