Hope and Isabel’s heads shot around—a look of horror on both of their faces. They exchanged shocked glances.
Isabel took a step forward. ‘Bonnie, I’m sorry. We didn’t see you there.’ She looked panicked. ‘We should never have said anything.’
Her head was spinning. This almost felt as if it were happening to someone else.
Under any other circumstances she might think they were gossiping. But these women were Jacob’s friends. They’d known him longer than she had and it was likely he’d taken them into his confidence.
‘But you said it because you care—because Jacob is your friend.’ Her heart was thudding against her chest.
Hope stepped forward too. She shook her head. ‘Please understand, this happened long before you got here. We were both sworn to secrecy. No one else knows. Jacob didn’t want anyone to know he had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, or that he was undergoing treatment.’
Bonnie felt her blood run cold. Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The same type of cancer that his mother had died from. Oh, no. Poor Jacob.
She could be sick, right now, all over the treatment-room floor.
Hope touched her arm. ‘Are you okay? You look terrible, Bonnie. I’m so sorry. I knew something was going on between you and Jacob. I just didn’t know what. I guess I thought he might tell you.’
She started to shake, but whether it was from shock or disbelief she just didn’t know. She took a long, slow breath.
Pieces in her brain started to slot into place. Now she knew why he’d been evasive. Now she knew exactly why he’d been acting the way he had. Everything made sense to her.
But he hadn’t told her. And that hurt. It hurt so much she wanted to grab him and shake him.
Isabel stepped over next to them both. ‘Bonnie,’ she said carefully, ‘I can see you’re upset. I have no idea what’s going on with you two—but I want you to know. You’re good for Jacob. Up until a few days ago he was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. If you can help him, then please do.’ She glanced at Hope. ‘He’s our friend. Above everything, we want him to be happy and well. Things that we’ve got no control over.’
She squeezed Bonnie’s arm. ‘I think you may be an influencing factor over one of those things.’
The tears welled in Bonnie’s eyes. ‘But he didn’t tell me. He told me some things, but he never mentioned this at all.’
A worried glance shot between Hope and Isabel and Bonnie took another deep breath, trying to calm her frantic brain. ‘But I think I know why.’
She turned on her heel and walked out of the door. The labour suite might be busy, but she wasn’t looking after a patient right now and there were more than enough staff on shift.
Jacob had to be her priority.
Her footsteps halted a little on the way down the corridor. She’d spent the last two days fretting over herself. Thinking only about herself and Freya. She hadn’t actually stopped to think that something might be wrong with Jacob. She’d challenged him. She’d asked him to tell her what was wrong. But not in a loving, compassionate way. She’d asked him in an angry, recriminatory kind of way. No wonder he hadn’t told her.
She’d been too busy worrying about making a mistake again—focusing on the past instead of the future. How wrong she’d been. News like this put everything into perspective and made her realise exactly how precious life was.
She stalked past the midwives’ station and opened the door of his office. He hadn’t been around all day, but he was here now, sitting behind his desk.
Was he paler than normal? Were those dark circles under his eyes?
He jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her.
Now she could see him standing in front of her she could feel the adrenaline course through her. He could have told her. He could have told her the truth, couldn’t he? Why hadn’t he told her?
She’d been thinking a whole host of other things—she’d thought the worst of him. When she’d had no right to. Jacob had been nothing but kind and supportive to her and Freya. And she’d pushed him away with her own insecurities. But instead of reaching out to her, he’d pushed her away too. What were the reasons for that?
This man had wound his way around her heart. She’d seen another side to him, a warm and loving side. A side that showed her, even if he didn’t know it, he was ready to move on with his life.
He’d lit something inside her that she hadn’t felt in years.
‘Bonnie? Is there an emergency? Is something wrong with a patient?’
He was ready to run to the attention of any patient that needed him. But what about her?
She closed the door quietly behind her and folded her arms across her chest. She would not cry. She would not cry.
But her heart was squeezing in her chest. Jacob had cancer. Jacob had the same cancer that he’d watched his mother die from. She already knew the damage that had inflicted on him as a child, and in turn as an adult. But she’d only known half the story.
What had the test results shown?
‘Nothing’s wrong with a patient, Jacob.’
Confusion flooded his face. ‘Then, what is it?’
‘Something’s wrong with me.’ She pointed her finger. ‘Something’s wrong with you.’ Frustration was building in her chest. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you had non-Hodgkin’s? Why didn’t you tell me you had the same type of cancer as your mother?’
This not-crying thing wasn’t going to work. The tears were threatening to fall any second.
His mouth opened but no words came out. He sagged down into his chair as if she’d just knocked the wind from his sails. ‘Who told you?’
She pulled out the chair opposite and sat down. ‘It doesn’t matter who told me, Jacob. What matters is why you didn’t?’
He still couldn’t speak. He just shook his head for a few seconds, then put up his hands. ‘How could I tell you, Bonnie? We’ve just met. I never expected this. I never expected to meet someone who would just—’
‘Just what?’
His eyes met hers. There were no barriers in place. No shields to hide behind. ‘Who would make me want to love again—to be part of a family again.’
She couldn’t speak. A wave of emotion welled up inside her. This time a tear did escape, sliding down her cheek.
‘I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t stop to think what was wrong.’ She shook her head. ‘I just thought I was making a mistake again, that I didn’t really know you that well.’ She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. ‘I felt as if I couldn’t trust my judgement,’ was all she could say. ‘When all the time I knew what kind of man you were. I just didn’t realise. I didn’t think you might actually be sick.’
He stood up, walking around the desk and crouching down in front of her. He reached up and touched her hand, enveloping it with his. ‘I had to wait, Bonnie. I had to know for sure. I couldn’t put you and Freya through what I experienced as a kid. We’d only just met. I couldn’t possibly expect you to sign up for that.’
She reached over and touched his cheeks. ‘But you can, Jacob. I’m here for you. We’re here for you. I don’t care that you’re sick. All I care about is that we’re together.’
He reached up and brushed the tear from her cheek, taking one of her hands again. ‘But why would I put someone that I love through that?’ His face was serious. ‘Two people that I love?’
The heat from his hand was rushing around her body. A whole host of tingles shooting straight towards her heart. ‘You do?’
She couldn’t help but smile. She hadn’t been wrong. She hadn’t imagined the connection between them. On one hand it was pure relief, on the other, she still couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t share with her.
‘I do,’ he said sincerely. ‘I really do.’
She was fixed on his intense green eyes. ‘
Then why didn’t you tell me, Jacob? You told me about your mum—why didn’t you tell me about you?’
He ran one hand through his hair, giving his head a shake again. ‘How could I tell you that, Bonnie? How can I declare love one minute, then tell you I’ve got a potential death sentence the next? What kind of man would do that to you? What kind of a man would do that to Freya?’