A smile started to edge around her lips. She kept walking. Now she could hear, and smell, activity in the kitchen. Someone was cooking bacon and singing while they cooked.
As she reached the bottom of the stairs the twinkling lights from the front room attracted her like a magnet. She walked back into the front room.
Everything was back exactly where it should be. ‘Look, Freya,’ she whispered.
The tree lights were twinkling, the branches redecorated with tinsel and baubles. The nativity scene was back on the side table. The red and green garland for the mantelpiece was back in place. She’d no idea how he’d managed to patch it together—but she didn’t really care.
The fact was, he’d done it.
‘Mummy, our tree’s back up,’ said Freya. A smile had lit up her face. ‘Does Jacob like it now?’
Bonnie nodded slowly. ‘I think he must.’ She couldn’t stop smiling. He’d revealed part of himself last night but now he’d obviously made the decision to try and move on.
The house felt full of warmth. It was so much nicer with the Christmas decorations up; it felt much more like a home, rather than just a house.
She carried Freya through to the kitchen. Jacob was putting a pot of tea on the kitchen table. ‘Oh, you’re up, good.’ His eyes skirted over to Freya; he looked wary. ‘I’ve made breakfast. Sit down.’
Freya stared at the plate of bacon as Bonnie put her in one of the chairs. ‘I don’t want bacon. I want toast and jam.’
Jacob smiled at her. ‘I thought you might say that.’ He produced a toast rack stacked full of toast and a jar of jam.
Bonnie smiled as she sat down. Freya reached over and grabbed a slice of toast. ‘Can you butter this, Mummy?’ Her eyes fixed on Jacob again. ‘I like that the tree’s back. I like the lights.’
A second of hesitation passed over Jacob’s face before he pulled out a chair and sat down next to Freya. ‘I do too. I think it was a good idea to get a tree for the house. Thank you very much. I’m sorry if I seemed angry last night. I was just a little surprised.’
Bonnie held her breath as she handed over the buttered toast to Freya and opened the jar of jam. She wasn’t entirely sure how Freya would respond.
But Freya just shrugged. ‘Can we watch cartoons today?’
It was that simple for a five-year-old. No stomach churning. No fretting. She just accepted what he said and was happy that the tree was back up.
Jacob and Freya continued to chat over breakfast. Today, it seemed, was going to be a quiet day in the house.
Jacob seemed more at ease. Maybe he was just getting used to having people in his house—or maybe talking about his mother last night had helped him a little.
She certainly hoped so.
It was so strange to see Freya chatting away with him. Even when they’d lived with her husband, breakfast had usually been their time together. Robert had rarely appeared at the breakfast table. And last night’s events seemed to have been quickly forgotten.
They laughed together and something twisted inside her. She wasn’t quite sure what it was. Fear? Envy? Confusion?
Jacob seemed comfortable this morning—but was she? She’d kissed him last night. If Freya hadn’t interrupted it might have become a whole lot more. Bonnie didn’t usually act on impulse—not when it came to men. But things with Jacob last night had just seemed so natural. So heated.
It made her want to catch her breath.
This was a new job. A new city. A new life.
Just how much change was she ready for?
* * *
Jacob felt as if he’d been holding his breath since last night. Ever since he’d kissed Bonnie and realised exactly the effect she had on him.
Part of him was sorry. Now he would always know exactly what he was missing. Part of him wasn’t the least bit sorry. It had been a long time since he’d felt a connection to someone. The fact that Bonnie was a mother hadn’t even entered his head.
If you’d asked him a few years ago if he’d ever have a relationship with someone who had children he would have said an overwhelming no. But he’d have been wrong. With the exception of last night, he’d liked being around Freya. It was surprising him—just as much as it was probably surprising Bonnie and Freya.
He’d noticed the way people were looking at him at work. For the last ten days he’d felt differently. He’d felt lighter. This morning he practically felt so light he could float away. The only thing that was still anchoring him to the ground was his test results.
Even if—and he prayed they would be—they were good results, it still wouldn’t change other things for Jacob. The cancer would always lurk in the background, always a possibility of a recurrence. Always that uncertainty of whether it was familial and he could pass it on. Gene mapping wasn’t quite there yet to give him that answer.
But these last few days at home had felt so much better. Putting up the decorations again last night had given him a lot of thinking time. It was time to put the negative associations that he had with Christmas to bed.
His mother would have hated him being like this. Feeling like this about a season that should be the happiest of times.
The look on Freya and Bonnie’s faces this morning when they realised he’d put the decorations back up had been enough for him. He was sure he’d done the right thing. He’d also done something else. He was still to find out if it was right or not.
He pushed some tickets along the table to Freya. ‘I found out about a little surprise. I was wondering if you and your mum would like to come.’
Freya stared down at the tickets. The words were obviously too complicated for a five-year-old, but the pictures told a good story. She pointed. ‘Is that Rudolph? Can we go and see Rudolph?’
Jacob looked up at Bonnie. He was feeling hopeful, even though he should probably have run this by her first. She leaned over and spun the tickets around. ‘Today? The Christmas lights, a visit to Santa and a chance to meet the reindeers?’ Surprise and amusement, with a tiny bit of disbelief, mixed through her voice as her eyebrows rose.
He nodded carefully. ‘What do you think? Would you like to go?’
Her face relaxed and she lifted her mug of tea to take a sip. Her voice was quiet. ‘I think that would be lovely. Thank you for thinking of us, Jacob.’
Her gaze met his. She was still thinking about last night.
He’d pulled back. She must be
wondering why. Because the air between them still sizzled. It crackled. He still wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, kiss her lips. He just didn’t want to be unfair.
He took a deep breath. ‘I’ll always think about you, Bonnie.’
Silence hung between them. It was probably the wrong thing to say. It almost seemed as if he were finishing something that had never started. Truth was, he didn’t have a clue what he was doing right now. But the implication was clear. Bonnie was affecting him. He did feel something for her—even if he didn’t know what it was.
But those words seemed enough for Bonnie; she gave a little smile and stood up. ‘Come on, Freya, the Christmas lights and Santa visit aren’t until three o’clock this afternoon. Let’s have a lazy morning on the sofa.’
Freya jumped up in agreement and ran out of the kitchen towards the front room, leaving Jacob at the kitchen table, eyes fixed on Bonnie’s backside in her pyjama trousers, trying to keep his thoughts in check.
* * *
‘Is everyone ready?’
They were all practically standing in a line. Winter jackets, scarfs, gloves and wellington boots in place. Freya couldn’t stand still. She had ants in her pants. She didn’t care that the temperature had plummeted again and a mixture of sleet and snow was starting to fall. She just wanted to meet Rudolph.
‘Will I get to sit on his back? Will Donner be there? And Blitzen? Is his nose really red?’
The questions had been never-ending since this morning.
Jacob smiled. ‘I have no idea. This is all new to me.’
Freya frowned. ‘Is it far? Are we going in the car?’
Bonnie shook her head. ‘No. We’re going to walk. That way, we’ll get to have plenty of time to see all the Christmas lights.’
‘Will Fraser from school be going to see Santa too?’