“Not anymore,” he promised. “Never again.”
Then he was inside me, in the way I wanted, always wanted. At first it was a shock. Ren was not small and I couldn’t spread my legs with leggings down at my knees, and for some reason that made it all so much more . . . wow. The friction, the tightness was incredible.
He started moving, one hand clamped around the back of my neck, his other arm wrapped around my waist as he pumped into me—one deep, long thrust after another.
What we were doing, knowing we could be caught at any moment, was crazy but that didn’t stop us. It was just us, our bodies moving together until it became frenzied, sending the water lapping over the side.
“Hell, Sweetness,” he groaned, and I felt it building inside me all over, that terrible tension, a mess of longing and lust.
He launched us backward, and then the rough cement was digging into my back as he pressed into me as far as he could go, grinding against me until he pushed me to the edge of bliss again and then threw me right over it. I came, crying out as he buried his head in my neck, thrusting once and then twice before he followed me right over the edge, my name a harsh burst of air at that oddly sensitive spot below my pulse.
I was limp in his arms, my cheek slipping to his chest, vaguely aware of him pulling out and lowering me so my feet hit the bottom of the pool. He didn’t pull away though, still holding me tight to him.
His breathing slowed as he dropped his chin to the top of my head. For a little while, we stayed like that, neither of us talking. It was just us and the rippling of the water.
It was Ren who broke the silence. His hand tightened around the back of my neck. “Are we okay?”
For the first time in days, I didn’t have to think about how to answer that question. I knew the answer immediately. “We’re going to be.”
Chapter 18
Having non-feeding related sex didn’t fix all the problems we had and were facing, but it sure as hell chilled me out enough to be able to talk about them.
“I don’t know how to do relationships,” I admitted from where my cheek was plastered to Ren’s chest. After the pool, we’d come back to our room and changed into dry clothes. Well, mostly. Ren threw on a pair of sweats and I’d stolen one of his shirts. It was long enough to cover all the interesting parts. Then we hit the bed, him on his back and me on my side, pressed up against him. His arm was curled around my waist, his hand resting on my hip. “I mean, I think I used to. I did with Shaun. I guess I just forgot how.”
“I don’t think there’s one way to do relationships.” His hand was still, but his thumb moved in a slow, continuous sweeping motion. “And you know what I think?”
“What?”
Ren shifted onto his side, and the next thing I knew, we were face to face. “We’ve got to cut ourselves a break.”
My gaze wandered over his face. “I like the sound of that.”
His lips quirked up on one side as he dragged his hand up my side. “Seriously though. Both of us have been through some shit. We’re both getting over that. We’re not going to be perfect.”
Folding my hands between us, I smiled a little. “You’re pretty close to perfect.”
He caught the edges of my hair and tugged on a curl, pulling it straight. “No, I’m not. I should’ve kept my mouth shut this morning.” He let go of the curl, watching it bounce back. “You have every right to be pissed over that.”
Yeah, I did. “And you have every right to be pissed at me for trying to bail on you guys.”
“True.” His grin spread as he touched a finger to my cheek. “Look at us, agreeing on something.”
“So, you’re not going to flip out when I get up in the morning and get ready to go find Marlon?”
“No.” He let out a sigh. “It’s not going to be easy, but I’ll deal with it.”
“Good.”
He trailed his finger along my cheekbone. “And you’re going to keep talking to me, right? Especially when you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore? You’re going to let me help remind you, right?”
Tears immediately blurred my vision. Ren saw them, because his hand stilled with his thumb just below my lip.
“Right?” he persisted.
“Right,” I rasped, choked up.
Lowering his hand, he skated his thumb over my lip. “Promise me that, Ivy.”
I swallowed down the sudden knot in my throat. “I promise.”
He leaned in, his lips replacing his thumb, kissing me softly. When he pulled back, his gaze was a little less heavy. “When we were in the pool and you were letting me make your dreams come true—”
“Wow.”
He smiled broadly then, and my heart skipped a beat. There was one of those dimples! And I bet if I could see his whole face, both would be out in all their glory. “How were you feeling? Besides being blissed out of your mind?”
I rolled my eyes. “I felt . . . normal. Like I wasn’t thinking about . . .” Heat crept into my cheeks, but I didn’t allow myself to shut down. “I wasn’t thinking about him or anything like that.”
If Ren had been worried about that, he didn’t show it. “And what about the whole sucking out my essence thing?”
The warmth in my cheeks deepened, but I pushed through the uncomfortableness. “I didn’t want to feed. It never crossed my mind.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Yeah, it’s just that . . . I don’t know if it will always be like that or if it’ll hit me again—the cravings.” I forced myself to keep going. “I mean, it’s there. Not all the time, b
ut it’s like . . . indigestion.”
He lifted a brow.
“But more serious than heartburn,” I added.
Ren was quiet for a moment. “You’ve got to trust yourself, Ivy. I know that’s easier said than done, but even when you were . . . dying, you didn’t want to feed. And when you were feeding, you stopped. That part of you is not gone. I never once worried about you jumping on me like the face-clinger thing from those Alien movies.”
I laughed softly. “Good to know.”
“I trust you.” His eyes met and held mine. “I’m going to make sure you start trusting yourself.”
My vision blurred again, and it didn’t help when he kissed the tip of my nose.
“Now, on to a much more serious conversation.”
Oh dear.
He rose onto one elbow. “I’m not sure if you realized this or not, but you’re pretty strong.”