Flinging off my hoodie and shirt, I kicked off my boots and unscrewed the bottle, swallowing massive gulps to drown out her voice in my head.
But walking over to my window, I instantly stilled.
There she was.
Dancing.
Closing her eyes and jumping around.
An image of her in a purple nightgown came to mind, but I couldn’t place it.
She looked ridiculous and couldn’t dance any better than me. I almost laughed when she threw the devil ears up in the air and screamed along to the music. My chest swelled with the urge to hold her.
And right then and there, I wanted her back.
But what the hell was I going to say to her? I couldn’t tell her everything.
Not everything.
I brought the bottle back up to my lips, closed my eyes, and forced the bile back down my throat.
There was nothing to say. The guy she knew when we were fourteen was gone. My parents had left me. She’d left me.
I was on my own just like that cocksucker said I’d be.
The stinging nip of hatred and hell crawled its way up my neck and into my head until my nerves burned so badly that I wanted to rip off my skin just to breathe.
I launched the bottle across the room where it slammed against the wall before spilling to the floor.
Goddammit!
Leaving the room and charging down the stairs, I went f**king crazy. I kicked over chairs, smashed pictures, and went to bat with some pottery and crystal. I shattered everything, swinging the fire poker at everything and anything. Every picture that my mother had of me smiling and every f**king figurine that gave the impression that we were a happy household was destroyed. In two hours, the house was ripped apart from top to bottom as I got lost and exhausted.
When all was done, the house was a disaster, and I was covered in sweat.
But I was as high as a kite. Nobody could hurt me if I could hurt them.
Blissfully numb and calm, I parked myself outside on the back porch with another bottle of Jack from my supply and let the rain cool me down. I didn’t know how long I was out there, but I was finally breathing and that felt good. There’s something to be said for acting like a five-year-old and breaking some shit. Control had finally settled over me again, and I just sat there and drank, soaking up the quiet in my head.
“Jared?”
I twisted my head and immediately lost my breath. Tate? Aw, Jesus Christ. No, no, no…
She was here? And in f**king shorts and a tank top?
I turned back around, hoping she’d go away. I didn’t want to lose my shit with her. Or do anything stupid. I’d finally calmed down, but my head was nowhere near straight enough to deal with her right now.
“Jared, the dog was barking outside. I rang the doorbell. Didn’t you hear it?”
Damn, she was so close. I could feel the pull. I wanted to get closer. To sink into her arms until I couldn’t even remember yesterday.
She walked around in front of me, into the rain, and my fingers tingled. They wanted her.
I glanced up, only for a moment, unable to resist the pull.
Jesus Fucking Christ. She was drenched. And I looked down again, knowing what I would do if I kept looking. Her wet shirt stuck to her body, but she tried to hide it by crossing her arms. Her legs glistened with the water dripping down, and her shorts clung to her toned, wet thighs.
“Jared? Would you answer me?” she yelled. “The house is trashed.”
I tried looking at her again. Why? Who the f**k knows? Every time I saw her, I wanted to bury my heart and body inside of her.
“The dog ran away,” I choked out. What the hell?
“So you threw a temper tantrum? Does your mom know you did that to the house?”
And that’s when the wall went back up. My mother. Tate looking at me like I couldn’t control myself. Like I was weak.
I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, but I wasn’t letting her in, either.
“What do you care? I’m nothing, right? A loser? My parents hate me. Weren’t those your words?” Yes, this was easier. Just push back.
She closed her eyes, looking embarrassed. “Jared, I should never have said those things. No matter what you’ve—”
“Don’t apologize,” I interrupted, swaying as I stood up to hover over her. “Groveling makes you look pathetic.”
She yelled something at me, but I was too lightheaded and aggravated to register what she was saying as I walked back into the house.
She followed me inside, and I tuned her out as I dried off the dog. But then she took the control out of my hands again when she rushed to empty my bottle down the drain.
What?
“Son of a bitch!” I ran up to her and tried prying the Jack out of her hands. “This is none of your business. Just leave.” I didn’t want her here to see me like this. She shouldn’t care about me. I’d done nothing to earn it. And I didn’t need it or her!
I jerked the bottle, and her body came flush with mine.
She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And angry, she was even hotter. A fire was in her eyes, and her full bottom lip glistened from the rain. I didn’t want to stop this for anything. I wanted to lose all of my energy on her.
In more ways than one.
I saw her raise her hand, and my head jerked to the side with the sting of her hand, and I stood there for a moment, stunned.
She hit me!
I dropped the bottle. I didn’t give a damn about it anyway, and I hauled her up onto the counter. I didn’t know what I was doing, but it was out of my control. And for once, I had no problem with that.