My scowl deepened.
"Come on, man," said Joe, being serious. "It's Thursday night, you're behind the bar, and the place has been pumping all night. And you look like a kid whose puppy died. What gives?"
I sighed again, my shoulders slumping. "I don't know ... just something Nell said today. Well, she's been on me for a while."
Joe and Alex exchanged looks.
"It's nothing really. Stupid. Don't worry about it."
"Okay," said Alex before taking a sip of beer.
"But, you know ... just out of interest," I said. "Do you think I'm a manwhore with no concept of responsibility, incapable of having a meaningful relationship, who just uses women because I wouldn't know real commitment if it bit me on the ass?"
Alex's eyes went real wide.
"That's what Nell says, huh?" asked my brother in a low voice.
"Basically." My tongue pushed at the inside of my cheek. "Sometimes it varies, but pretty much. Yeah."
"Wow," said Alex, staring down at her laptop.
"Just today, she called me a fuckboy. Can you believe that?"
Joe let out a low whistle.
"I mean, you two probably know me best," I said. "She's out of line, right?"
Alex's mouth opened, but nothing actually came out. Same with my brother.
"Right?" I asked again, frowning.
Still nothing.
Fuck's sake. "Come on, I am always up front with women. I tell them straight out, I'm here for a good time, not a long time. They know what they're getting into."
After a moment's hesitation, my brother nodded. Sort of.
"Exactly," I said. "And I'm responsible. I always cover my shifts, I work hard."
"Ye-ah," said Joe, dragging the word out for some damn reason.
Alex winced. "Apart from the other week when you wanted to take that girl kayaking."
"Once," I said, holding up a finger. "Big deal."
"Though there was that woman from the liquor company a fortnight back," said Joe. "What was her name?"
"Jesus, I can't remember. So I left work early. Once." I rolled my eyes and added another finger. Two. So what?
"And the times when you're running late because you forget to set your alarm," said Alex. Fast on her way to no longer being my favorite sort of sister-in-law.
I scoffed, but added another finger to the tally. "Two or three times, maybe. Everyone does it."
"Yeah, but every week?" Alex cocked her head.
"She's got a point, bro." My brother nudged me with his elbow. "Probably add a couple more fingers."
I scowled.
"We're going to need your other hand," she said. "Because do you remember last month when--"
"That's enough," I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
They both shut their mouths, giving each other one of those looks. Couples were downright creepy the way they could do that mind melding shit. Talk about unnatural.
Slowly, I shook my head. "Can't believe you both think she's right."
"No..." Joe grabbed me by the shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
I shrugged him off. "Yeah, you do."
His girlfriend kept quiet. Last time I give her free drinks.
Arcade Fire faded into The Killers and not even an old favorite song could help. All agitated like, I smoothed back my hair, redoing the ponytail. "Unbelievable. Even my own fucking brother thinks I'm useless."
"Man, come on. I did not say that. I think..." He paused. "I think you do your best."
"Yes." Alex clicked her fingers and pointed at me. "Exactly. You do your best, Eric. Everyone knows you're making a real effort. You haven't even screwed any of the waitresses for months now. No one could expect more."
"Jesus, are you serious?" I asked loudly. "You both think my best sucks."
More denials and other bullshit, but I was done. Finished. Also, people were now watching. Curious eyes sizing up the drama, customers and staff. Awesome.
"You close up the bar." I grabbed a bottle of single malt from off the shelf. "I'm out of here."
Someone said my name and Joe did more sighing and fuck them all. I needed some space. Bottle in hand, I left.
*
"Eric?" asked a startled voice.
"Hmm?" I shoved my hair out of my face, pulling the door to my apartment closed behind me. Out of the blurry, low-lit hallway came a woman with concerned eyes. "Jean. Hey. How you doing?"
"Better than you, by the look of it." She pulled her baggy cardigan tighter around her, covering the tank and yoga pants combination passing for pajamas. Her feet were bare, toenails painted Smurf blue.
"Cute toes," I said, giving her a grin.
"Been drinking, huh?"
"Just a little," I said. "Where are my manners? The bottle's back inside. Did you want some?"
"Baby on board." She pointed to her belly. "Remember?"
"Right. I remember." The smile fell off my face. "So what are you doing out here?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"Yeah, but I asked you first."
All casual like, I leaned against the wall. Not falling over like a sloppy drunk. But it seemed the world had started turning a little fast or something. Standing upright wasn't as easy as it should have been. Guess liquor and gravity didn't really mix. I don't normally drink alone, but between Nell's and Joe's and Alex's bullshit, I needed a drink. Or two.
Anyway, it's possible I may have overdone it a little.
"Just walking up and down the hall. As you do at two in the morning."
"I was going to go for a walk too," I said. "Outside. Get some fresh air. You want to come?"
"Thanks, but I'm dead tired and not really dressed for it." She rubbed her tummy. "Plus it's cold out there."
"You're used to Florida weather." I chuckled. "This is only autumn. Wait 'til winter. Why'd you move here anyway?"
"Honestly, I don't know." She shrugged. "I met Nell on the internet. We started chatting on a pregnancy site and the way she spoke about this town just kind of drew me in. And I thought, why not?"
"Because you're heavily pregnant and alone?"
"Besides that."
I just looked at her.
"Things in Florida weren't great," she said, taking her time, obviously choosing her words with care. She glanced up and down the hallway, as if to check there were no other ears listening in. "Actually, that's kind of an understatement. My parents didn't handle the news regarding my pregnancy very well. I get their point, I was basically fresh out of college, just starting to get my life together."
"Mm."
"They wanted me to give the baby away." She frowned at the thought. "Even lined up a couple from their church to adopt her and everything. They were very persistent, but I just couldn't."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah." She sighed. "Me too. Most of my friends had moved away or were busy living their lives, so I didn't really have a lot of people I could count on. Fortunately, my gran didn't agree with Mom and Dad. Unfortunately, she was very ill. But when she passed she left me some money. Of course, that made things even worse with my parents ... I didn't want to raise a child around all that negativity."
My heavy head floundered, empty of any comforting words.
Eventually, she made a humming noise. "Anyway, the baby started kicking and woke me up. I don't usually lurk in hallways at stupid hours of the morning. But if I move around for a while things usually quiet down again and this hall is longer than the one in my apartment."
"Huh."
"Nice face." The woman laughed.
"What?"
"It's the thought of the baby kicking, isn't it?" she asked. "I don't think you could look more disgusted if you tried."
Shit. "No, no. I'm not disgusted. That's ... that's a terrible thing to say."
"You're doing it again right now," she said. "Every time you look at my belly you go sort of green like you're about to hurl."
"No-o-o."
"You do, Eric. Trust me on this."
I exhaled. "You're wrong. I think it's beautiful, life and everything, you know?"
Her dark brows crept together.
"And you, making that life is ... wow."
"Oh really?"
"Absolutely." I nodded. Then stopped since that made my head spin in a not-good way. "You're beautiful and the baby is..."
"The baby is what?"
"Um. Awesome. Yeah."
Now her brows were one dark line. "I don't think you should be going for a walk. How much have you had to drink?"
"I'm not going to drive. Now that would be irresponsible."
"Wait." Her chin rose. "Is 'going to go for a walk' code for 'off in search of booty'?"
"No. Why would you think that?" I scowled as I figured it out. "Hold up. Nell's been saying shit about me to you, hasn't she?"
"Well, you know." Jean stood with her feet apart, rocking back and forth. "Nell and I are friends so I can't really repeat what we talk about. That would be breaking her confidence, and not okay."
"She did." I hung my head. "I knew it." My knees gave way and I sank to the floor. Fuck it. It was more comfortable than standing anyway. "So now I have to put up with it from you too."
"Put up with what from me?"
"You think I'm a useless manwhore too." Knees drawn up, I let my head fall back against the wall. It kind of hurt. "Everyone does. I'm the worst, just ask my family and friends."
She opened her mouth, then closed it again.