"Do you think that's a good idea?" she eventually asked.
"Me visiting?" I rose to my feet, not wanting any hint of cranky around Ada. "Seriously?"
"Yes."
I glanced back at Ada. No change there, she was still happily beating the crap out of her toys. All good. "Nell, what's your problem?"
She shot me a look. I couldn't read it.
"I know we've been through some tough times and I let you down." I swallowed hard. Jesus, just the thought of the accident and her losing the baby and everything made my knees turn to jelly. "I'm owning that. But do you really think I'm out to harm Jean and Ada here?"
"I warned you to stay away from her when she first arrived," she bit out.
"We're friends. Deal with it."
"I warned you--"
"Jesus, Nell." I hung my head. "We're not kids anymore. This isn't the damn schoolyard. You don't get to tell me who I can or can't see."
"She has enough to deal with being a single parent."
"I am not trying to add to her problems."
She huffed out a laugh. It wasn't the I'm-happy-and-having-fun type. "You don't have to try, Eric. It's just who you are."
"Christ."
She said nothing.
"Jean and I are friends. End of story," I said. "If you don't like it, I honestly don't care. That's your problem, not mine."
A muscle twitched in her jawline. "I'm just trying to protect her."
"What have I done to hurt her, hmm? Tell me."
"What you always do. Anytime the heat is on, you're out," she said. "Take just zipping off to California for a few weeks."
"Are you blaming me for being around her, or for not being around for her?" I snapped. "Make up your mind."
"You'll screw up eventually, Eric. You can't help it."
The venom in her voice ... hell. I rocked back on my heels. "You actually hate me, don't you?"
"No, of course not," she said. "But I'm wary of you. I know you too well to be anything else. And I don't want you hanging around my friend who is young, alone, and vulnerable."
Christ. "I thought we could get along, move past all of this. But that's not going to happen, is it? Maybe we should just sell the Dive Bar."
"Maybe we should." Nell rubbed at her temples, not saying anything for quite some time. The silence was not comfortable. "Look, just promise me you're not going to hit on her or anything."
"Sure." Possibly feeling just a wee bit defensive, I crossed my arms. "I am not going to hit on Jean. I promise."
"Are your fingers crossed?"
"What?"
"You heard me."
Swearing under my breath, I held my arms out straight, fingers splayed. "I repeat. Not going to hit on Jean."
"You really think you can be friends with a woman you find attractive and not want to sleep with her? Really?"
"Yes." My jaw tensed. "I can. Jean has a lot on her plate and I want to help her. We're just friends and that's the way it's going to stay."
Her eyes couldn't have possibly gotten any wider. "God. You actually believe that, don't you?"
I counted to ten. Slowly.
"Come on, Eric, you have to admit this is unprecedented," she said. "You actually caring about anyone outside of yourself."
"You think I can't make decisions with the big head, huh?"
"I know you can't. Especially when you're attracted to the woman," she said. "And I know you're into Jean. The way you behaved when she first arrived was ridiculous. I've never seen your tongue hanging so far out of your head."
I wasn't even going to dignify that with a response.
"Well?"
"If you're convinced I'm so terrible, then why are we even talking about this?" I crossed my arms again. The whole fucking conversation got under my skin in the worst way possible.
"All right, I'll try to withhold judgement."
"Big of you, Nell."
She exhaled. "Fine."
"Fine."
Without another word, she headed on over to play with Ada. I probably should have just left. Only who knew what Nell would say to Jean about me going. Something along the lines of undependable, ruled by his penis, and out to destroy your life, no doubt. Plus, I'd told Jean I'd be here looking after the baby while she took a shower. Screw it, I was staying. The evil ginger woman would not chase me out. Jean and Ada were the best things to happen to me in a long time. Being with them made me feel good, gave me a purpose. They made me want to be better, to do better. No messing around, no sex or anything to make things confused. I was going to be someone they could both rely upon if it killed me.
Decision made.
Except then Jean came out of bathroom wearing only a towel and I really didn't expect my vow to only be friends with her to start killing me quite so soon. Dark wet hair hanging down and cheeks pink from the hot shower. A good amount of leg was on display. Though honestly, even her bare shoulders got me bothered. Nell might not hate me (and the jury was still out about that), but God sure as hell did. I reversed course and headed for the fridge, badly needing a glass of water. Also possibly a kick to the head, which I bet Nell would be more than happy to provide.
"I forgot my robe," she explained.
"No problem."
"Hi, Nell!" she called out, making a dash for her bedroom.
"Hey," said Nell.
The woman was bare-assed naked under the towel and never had I been more aware of that fact. Dammit. I was not going to look again and I was also not going to hit on her. She did have enough going on in her life. We were just friends, which was great because she needed friends, people she could depend on not to make decisions with what was in their pants. And I would be someone she could depend on.
Water gushed into the glass I was holding, my hand shaking. I drank the whole thing down in one gulp. No doubt my liver would thank me. Check me out, getting through a slightly traumatic event, like seeing Jean wet and wrapped in a towel right after I'd promised never to hit on her, without even hitting the scotch. Eric version 2.0 was already off to a great start. Amazing.
The bedroom door clicked shut, and it was safe to look up again.
"Are you okay?" asked Nell with yet another frown.
"Yep."
"Then why do you have that look on your face?"
"Gas," I lied.
"Jesus." She turned away, blinking. "Yeah, I didn't need to know that."
"So next time don't ask."
Ada, cranky about life or something, made a screechy sound.
"I hear ya, girlfriend," I murmured.
"What?" asked Nell.
"Just agreeing with Ada."
Nell nodded. "You are intellectual equals. For now. She'll eclipse you soon, though."
I don't even bother saying "whatever." No point.
*
By week four of Ada's existence, Jean was about ready to climb the walls. I knew this because she told me so. Repeatedly. Venturing out into the real world was required. She settled on grocery shopping since the only thing in her fridge was food from the restaurant and even great food repeated got boring after a while. Also, some Christmas shopping needed to happen. The big day was only a few weeks away. She'd been all set to go on her own, but I managed to sweet talk her into inviting me along.
"I just feel that you're stereotyping her," I said as we wandered down the grocery store aisle.
"Eric, for the hundredth time, I don't care what you think of her outfit." Jean pushed the cart along like a woman on a mission to buy just about everything. Mostly fruit, vegetables, and ice cream. A good cross section, really. She had my full approval. Not that it was required. "I think it's cute."
"I'm not saying it's not cute." I stopped and waited as yet another woman cooed at Ada. The kid was a girl magnet, I kid you not. Also, I was going through a dry spell. Hell, let's call it what it was, a desert. I was crossing the sexual equivalent of Death Valley, my libido dragging itself through the hot sands. Not even sure why exactly. Something just kept sto
pping me from following through on getting down with someone. Maybe Eric 2.0 needed to stop and take stock. Get his shit sorted on his own with no distractions. While still keeping his commitments to Jean, Ada, and work, of course.
God, all of this deep thinking hurt.
"She's more of a tiger than a rabbit, you know?" I said once I'd caught up to Jean again. If anything, she seemed amused by the attention Ada and I were getting.
"Did you get her phone number?" asked Jean.
"Hmm?"
"Your new friend." She nodded to the curvy redhead still watching us from over by a citrus fruit display. "You did, didn't you?"
"No." I frowned. "I'm here to help you, not cruise for chicks."
"And complain about Ada's bunny suit."