No, fuck this. I was queen of my own fate. There'd be no letting Joe down, not tonight. I swallowed hard, wetting my Arizona-dry mouth.
"Um, well ... I'm a graphic designer," I began.
They all smiled, nodded, encouraging me to go on.
I could do this.
*
Rain had started falling when we decided to drive back to the hotel. Since the men could no longer sit outside and things were so awkward between Pat and Nell, the night ended rather abruptly.
"You have an okay time?" he asked.
There was something soothing about the sound of the windshield wipers. The hazy way the streetlights looked through the raindrops.
"Yes, I did." It had taken me a while to get comfortable with the ladies' interest in me as Joe's latest paramour. And of course they cared about Joe. Also, they were women so they wanted the nitty-gritty. I gave it to them, up to a point. We had a few more drinks, a couple of slices of pizza, and a pleasant time was had by all. Including me, surprisingly enough. Sharing yourself with people, the right people, felt good. To make new friends also felt good. Maybe there was something to this saying-yes business after all.
"They were nice."
"Good." He smiled.
"Actually they were better than nice," I continued. "They were cool as hell."
A pause.
"I said I'd tell you about my issue with bathrooms." Fingers fidgeted in my lap. Maybe this was my night for sharing, for getting it all out there. Miraculously enough, I'd shared with the women and lived to tell the tale. This was bigger, but it needed to get out of me. Courage would be required, but I'd already indulged in a little Dutch courage back at the party. It would have to be enough. "If you want to know."
Side-eyes.
"It's not pretty," I warned. "I feel like I want to share it with you, though..."
"I'd like to know."
I licked my lips, nodded. "Val and I have been tight since we were kids, you know that. I talked about it in my emails. She had a sex change after high school. It's not my story to tell, so I don't normally talk about it with others. But if I'm going to tell you about this..."
"Okay."
"We went to a pretty conservative school. Queer kids were given a hard time. Way worse than any of the crap I copped for just being awkward and generally uncool." I shoved my hands beneath my thighs to still them. "When Val was Vince, it was pretty obvious he was into guys. And why should he have to hide it, right?"
Back and forth went the windshield wipers.
"Anyway, some testosterone-fueled bastards decided to hurt him," I said, keeping my voice nice and calm, trying to distance myself from the images inside my head. It didn't work. "People can be so cruel, thoughtless. Clueless about consequences. Especially kids. They ganged up on him, beat him up in the boy's bathroom."
"Fuck," muttered Joe.
"Black eye, busted lip, bruised ribs. He was a mess."
His grip tightened on the wheel. "Assholes."
"Yeah." I gave him a ghost of a smile. Stupid. This was nothing to smile about. "Val's parents were pretty useless, not really present. He got along better with mine. I convinced him to stay at my house that night, so I could look after him, try and cheer him up. We watched movies, ate popcorn, and kept putting ice on his face to keep the swelling down. Once my parents went to bed I raided their liquor cabinet, and we did a couple of shots each. Medicinal, you know?"
Joe just looked at me.
"Val seemed to be doing okay, as okay as someone who'd been through something as horrible as that could be. He said he was going to the bathroom. God, you should have seen the way he moved. It looked so painful. I've never wanted to kill anyone as much as I did those assholes." For a moment, I just breathed. "Val had been gone awhile and I got worried. The bathroom door was closed but not locked."
I turned to Joe, all of the same old thoughts and questions cluttering up my mind. "I figured maybe he was crying, needed some time to himself or something. But that wasn't it. He was lying unconscious in the bath, blood everywhere. One wrist had been cut lengthwise, deep. But I guess he couldn't quite manage the other. That's what saved him. Well, that and the ambulance came quickly, fortunately. I just held his wrists together, screaming for Mom."
"You saved him," he said quietly.
Slowly, I shook my head. "It should never have happened, I should have known he was on the edge. Should have seen something."
"How?" he asked. "You got mind-reading skills I don't know about?"
I snorted. It was better than crying. "Anyway, we stayed at the hospital until they had him stabilized; then Mom made me go home. There was a lot of blood on me and it was all still in the bathroom too so I cleaned it. Didn't seem right to leave that to my parents."
"Christ."
"Yeah, it sucked," I said. "Never thought about it before, who deals with the blood? Apparently there are specialty cleaning companies who can help get it out of carpet and stuff. What a crappy job that must be. I hope they get paid really well."
We pulled up outside the hotel and Joe turned off the engine. The sound of the rain pounded through the silence loud and clear.
"I'm sorry that happened to your friend," he said. "And to you."
"Thankfully, Valerie survived. She's good now, happy. Has a boyfriend who thinks she's Christmas."
"And you?" he asked, reaching for my hand.
I pulled it out from under my leg, meshing his fingers with mine. "I'm learning not to hate people. It's a gradual process."
"Don't think you hate them, I think you're more scared of them." He placed a kiss on the back of my hand, holding my skin against his lips. "After what happened, I can see why."
Outside, the rain kept falling from the night sky. The world kept turning, regardless of people living or dying.
"That's the story," I said.
"Thank you for trusting me with it."
"Did you still want to come inside?" I was not holding my breath. That would be stupid. And yet, after letting all of it out, the story of Val, I could really do with some company. Especially his.
Still holding my hand, he tucked a strand of hair back behind his ear, getting it out of his face. "Yes. But prepare yourself, there's going to be a lot of cuddling tonight."
"Ew." I scrunched up my nose at him.
"I know, I know. But you're going to have to be brave and put up with it."
Quietly, I laughed. "I think I can do that."
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Message sent two weeks ago:
; ME: I'm having a shit-tastic time right now. Work stress, blah blah blah. Tell me something good.
HIM: I've been thinking about you all day, looking forward to hearing from you. Also, whatever it is stressing you out, you can handle it. You're the most badass chick I know.
ME: Thank you. I needed that. xx
"Joe, I thought you said we were going to cuddle."
"We are cuddling." Calloused hands slid around my waist, his lips feeding me soft kisses. And I was hungry for them. So hungry.
"I'm pretty sure foreplay and cuddling are different," I said.
"Christ," he muttered in a rough voice. "Is sex all you ever think about? I'm just trying to comfort you, Alex. Be there for you as a friend. Stop trying to twist this into something dirty."
"That would be easier if we weren't both naked." I laughed and held his long blond hair back from his face, all the better to see him. The cut of his cheekbones and the pronounced line of his nose. Also, his damp pink bottom lip. Perfect for kissing, biting, and sucking on. The man might have had a point about me having sex on the brain. But if I did, it was totally his own fault.
"You're so pretty," I said.
"Pretty?"
"Manly pretty. You know, hairy, and big, and hard and stuff."
The adorable jerk sighed. "Yeah, okay. I'll take that. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
We sat facing each other, me straddling his lap. His back rested against the headboard, his long legs were stretched out. Given the size of the man's thighs, it was kind of hard for me to move much. Not that I wanted to go anywhere. From carrying all his tools and various pieces of building equipment around, he had a rather spectacular body. Thank God for his slight belly. It made me feel better about my own abundance of soft, rounded bits.
In bed, there was an edge to Joe that worked for me like crazy. New life plan, never let Joe leave the bed. Bossy or not, with a little training, I'm sure he'd make a wonderful voluntary sex slave. And oh, the things I'd command him to do.
He collared my neck with his hand, bringing me in closer for a kiss. Deeper this time, longer. His tongue in my mouth and his thumb stroking my jawline. Eyelids closed, my head spun in slow circles. There was only him and me. Everything else dwindled away to nothing.
A hand on the base of my spine scooted me in closer against his body. I might have been on top, but he had all of the control. Against his very nice hard thick cock in particular. If I angled my hips just right, it lined up perfectly with the top of my slit. Tingles shot through me when I rubbed against him.