Zander smiled as he sat down. “This was a good idea.”
“I’m glad you think so.” I glanced out at the water and was in complete awe as I watched the sunlight shimmer against the waves. “It’s really beautiful here.”
“I could say something cheesy, like it’s not nearly as beautiful as you, but I’ll save us both from that embarrassment.”
“I don’t know. I kind of like you being cheesy.” I giggled as I turned to look at him. “You’re usually such a hard-ass. It’s nice to know you’ve got a sweet side.”
“There’s nothing about me that’s sweet, Delilah.”
“Hmm … I think you’re wrong, but I’ll leave it at that.” I glanced back at the water, and out of the blue, I found myself thinking about the last time I’d been out at the lake. It was with my mother and Danny. Much like we were doing today, she’d taken us both out for a picnic, and we spent the entire afternoon playing around the water, skipping rocks, and laughing. The memory brought a sudden tightness my chest, making me miss Danny even more than I already had been. I knew it was doubtful that Zander would open up to me about what was going on with him, but that didn’t stop me from turning to him and asking, “How’s Danny doing?”
“He’s hanging on.”
“What exactly does that even mean, Zander?” I pushed. “You’re still beating him half-to-death for some stupid drug deal gone bad, but hey... he’s still breathing. Is that it? Is that what’s going on, or do you mean something else when you say ‘he’s hanging on’?”
“We’ve gone over this, Delilah. I can’t talk about club business with you.” A strange expression crossed his face, making me think he might be trying to hide something as he continued, “I know it’s been hard, really hard, but you’re just going to have to trust me when I say everything is going to be okay.”
It was difficult for me not to push for more, but I knew he’d already said more than he probably should. Besides, there was something in his voice that helped ease the tightness in my chest, so I decided I’d let it go, at least for the time being, and trust that he meant it when he said everything would be okay. I inhaled a deep breath and tried to redirect my thoughts but didn’t have much luck. No matter how hard I tried, my mind kept dwelling on Zander and his brothers, so after a few moments, I finally asked him, “How long have you been a member?”
“Of the Sinners?” I nodded. “About thirteen years. Give or take.”
“And you like it?”
“Wouldn’t be a member if I didn’t.” His handsome face was void of expression as he told me, “The club life isn’t for everyone, Delilah, but for me ... it’s been everything. Like I’ve told you before, those men are my family.”
“Those men are dealing drugs, torturing people, and God knows what else. How can you call them family?” When I saw his face twist into a scowl, I knew I’d hit a nerve, but it was difficult for me to understand why a man who’d been so good to me was involved with criminals. I held up my hand, trying to calm him down and said, “Don’t get mad. I’m just asking for you to explain it to me ... help me understand.”
“I’m not sure there is a way for me to explain that would make you understand.”
“Please try.”
He turned to look out at the water, seemingly collecting his thoughts and then said, “Don’t go thinking I grew up in some broken home or anything. I had a good life. Had good folks, good friends, but I always felt like there was something I was missing. I didn’t know what that was until I met the brothers.”
“What exactly did you find with them?”
He turned to me, his eyes full of emotion and said, “A sense of belonging ... a wholeness like I’d never felt before. I know it may be hard for you to understand, but the second I walked into the Sinners’ clubhouse, I knew it was where I was meant to be. It just felt right, and that feeling hasn’t ever changed.”
“But if the club is so great, why can’t you talk about what goes on there?”
“It’s our way of protecting one another, especially our women. The less you know, the safer you’ll be.” Zander reached out and took my hand in his. “I know you have your reasons for thinking what you do about my brothers and the club, but they’re good men. I wouldn’t be a member if they weren’t.”
“I’m trying to comprehend it all, but it’s a lot to take in.”
“It is, but maybe in time you’ll be able to see the club as I do—a place where you know someone will always have your back.” His eyes never left mine as he said, “You’re mine, so they’ll treat you like family and do whatever it takes to protect you. Hell, if it comes down to it, they’ll take a bullet for you.”