I choked out a laugh, but smothered it quickly. Then I rolled my eyes at him. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” He edged closer.
My smile wiped away. I saw he was. I stood straighter.
His mouth curved up in a grin, but it dipped down again. The smile was faulty. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded and let out a breath in relief. “Good. That’s good.”
“Are you?”
“What?” He looked back up, surprised.
“Are you okay?” My grin was precious.
Then he choked out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you feel.”
His hand caught my shirt and I closed my eyes. His hand was so close to me. Then it curved inwards and I was pulled closer. His hand touched the base of my neck and spread upward. He cupped my chin and lifted it so I looked in his eyes. He had moved even closer. Then he whispered as his lips brushed against mine, “I only feel with you.”
“I know.” My heart was racing. It pounded in every cell of my body. I was alive in his touch.
His eyes dipped to my lips.
Desire blasted within me. I grew wet between my legs.
He moved closer. I felt him press against me. He whispered again, “Ethan wouldn’t want this.”
I curved a hand up and around the back of his head. This time I was the one that held him in place and I anchored him to look in my eyes. When they snapped to mine, I breathed out, “He’s the reason for this.”
And then his lips were on mine. I surged against him and as I opened my mouth, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. When Jesse would leave, a part of me would go with him, but until then, I let myself go. I succumbed to him and it wasn’t long before he swept an arm around me and held me against him. We both knew where we would end that night.
CHAPTER FIVE
That was my last night with Jesse. He left for Grant West a few weeks later and I got ready for my senior year in school. It wasn’t the same as last year. So much time had passed. Last summer, I was still reeling from Ethan’s death. I was trying to figure out how to move on, to survive, but this year was a bit different. While I wasn’t trying how to figure out to exist, I was trying to figure out how to live. It might not have made sense to most people, but there was a difference between living and existing. I existed before. I was trying to live now.
As I walked into school on my first day as a senior, I couldn’t stop the sadness inside of me. Ethan had been a great senior; he had led where Jesse was supposed to take over. Then both of them were going to room together at the university they both would share. While he would never fulfill their promise to attend college together, Jesse fulfilled the plan of ruling his year being a senior. He stopped being my friend and staying at my home, he excelled where Ethan had left him behind. He took over in sports. He excelled in his studies and graduated as the valedictorian. And he received seven full scholarships because of his work.
After everything we’d been through, I realized now that Jesse had turned his emotions off. He didn’t want to feel that year and I didn’t blame him. I didn’t want to feel either. I still didn’t. But he had gone from a nice guy to a badass womanizer. Jesse had left our school with the reputation of a player, but after this past summer, I wasn’t sure if he had wanted that reputation.
Though we hadn’t talked much that last night, our time together hadn’t been just for intercourse. Even as a tingle spread throughout me, I recalled the night. We had made love. It had been slow. It had been tender. And when morning came, neither of us had wanted to see that first ray of sunlight. Even when we had, we both ignored it. I had stayed in his bed through my shift at the mall. His phone had gone off, but he ignored it as well. And then during that evening, I finally pulled myself from his bed.
I was the one that had left, but he hadn’t argued with me.
We’d stared at each other as the door closed, and then it had been done.
I took a deep breath as I had gone to my car. All of my body had been numb that evening. The feeling hadn’t left. It was still with me.
The sounds of lockers slamming penetrated it and I lifted my head.
Angie was there with Justin. They both lifted their hands in a wave, but went back to their cuddling. Marissa was at the end of the hallway, dressed in her cheerleading uniform for the football game that night. Eric wasn’t far away as he stood with his friends, most of who were on the football team. He wasn’t dressed in his jersey and it took me a moment to remember that he played basketball. He would’ve been on Jesse’s team.
As I went to my locker, both of my friends separated from their groups and headed towards me. A part of me felt bad. They shouldn’t have to stop their fun to make sure I was okay. And that was something I felt they’d been doing for over a year now.
“Hey!” Angie gave me a bright smile. She had her books in her hand and hugged them to her chest. “What class do you have first?”
“I don’t. It’s my free period.”
“Oh.” Her smile faltered. “I have college biology. I thought you were going to take that with me?”
I shook my head. “I took it last year.”
“You did?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I—uh—school was all I kinda focused on last year, you know.”
“Oh right. I forgot.” She blinked a few times and then nudged Marissa.
“So, hey!” She jumped forward. Her cheerleading skirt swished around her. “So I know it’s stupid that our first day of school is on a Friday, but there’s a party at Eric Nathan’s house tonight. Are you going?”
“Yeah.” Angie giggled. “No seniors from last year are around. They’re all long gone.”
“Yeah!” Marissa whooped. “We rule this school now. Hells yeah.” She bobbed her head. Her ponytail swished up and down and she did a little cheering motion as she did. All in all, I caught the looks from every male in our vicinity.
“Hey, uh,” I spoke up.
Both of their grins slid away and all attention was back on me.
I sighed. Was this how I wanted it? To take away their fun all the time? But I managed a smile and cleared my throat. “So I was wondering about Casey and her friends this year. I know they aren’t too happy with us.”
Marissa snorted. “Oh please. Let me handle her. It will be my pleasure, Alex. You just worry about being you, all perfect and beautiful. We mortals can only hope to be as perfect as you.”
My eyes went wide. Was she kidding? “Are you serious?”
Then she frowned and shrugged as she turned away.
I glanced at Angie. “You feel that way, too?”
Her eyes darted from me to Marissa before she let out a surrendering sigh. Her hands dropped to her sides and she gave me a helpless grin. “What do you want me to say? You’re not doing this to be mean, but you are kinda perfect. I get angry and I lash out. Marissa screws around with guys and does your dirty work.”
My mouth fell open. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
Marissa rolled her eyes and looked back with a frustrated growl. Her black hair swung back and her cheerleading skirt swished around from her pent-up emotion. “Oh come on, Alex. You don’t say anything wrong. You don’t do anything wrong. You always look gorgeous. I mean, look at you. You’re tall, thin; you’ve got a nice ass and boobs. Ethan was drop dead gorgeous and you’re the female version of him, all dark eyes and full lips. I feel like you wake up and your skin nat
urally sparkles.”
Angie barked out a laugh. “And here I thought she woke up in the morning and little birds helped do her hair up.”
They shared another look of amusement. “And mice run in her dress while the birds drop it over her. And everything fits perfectly as her horse puts his head through the door’s window and has her hairbrush in his mouth.”