Ryan pulls a chair over and sits in it, putting his hand back on my belly. “Shh, it’s okay, I know. Just rest. You have a long night ahead of you. We’ll deal with everything else later.”
I nod, closing my eyes so I can rest them. Today has been emotionally draining, and when I leave here I’m going to have a baby. I need to get all the sleep I can while I can.
At some point, I must’ve drifted off, because the next thing I know, I’m hearing voices that weren’t here before I fell asleep. I open my eyes to find Ryan standing by the monitor, along with my mom, the doctor, and nurse.
“I agree,” the doctor says, looking at Ryan. “The heartbeat has decreased significantly and in a short amount of time.” He glances at the nurse. “Let’s prep her for an emergency cesarean. The baby appears to be in distress.”
“Yes, sir.”
“What’s going on?” I ask, suddenly nervous and confused.
“Ryan was watching the heartbeat and noticed it dropped rather quickly,” Mom says, “so he called for the doctor.”
“Something’s wrong with my baby?” I cover my belly with my hands, even though there’s nothing I can do.
“No,” the nurse says, moving the IV to a portable unit, “but when the baby shows signs of distress, we want to get him out as soon as possible so he doesn’t remain in distress, and since you aren’t fully dilated yet, it’s best to perform a C-section rather than put him through the stress of a natural delivery.”
The nurse hands me a medical cap. “Put this on.” She holds a set of scrubs out for Ryan. “Only one person can go in, but you can bring a camera to take pictures.”
Ryan glances at my mom, torn. “Are you okay with…”
“You’re the father,” my mom says before he can finish his question. “Make sure you take tons of pictures and come get us once you can.” She gives him a hug then walks over to me. “Everything is going to be fine.” She kisses my temple. “I love you, sweet girl.”
With her words, it hits me. I’m about to become a mom. The doctor is going to cut me open and take my baby out of me. My baby, who is in distress.
“Mom,” I cry out. “I can’t do this alone.”
“You’re not,” she says. “Ryan will be there, and as soon as you’re approved for visitors, we’ll come visit. I’m not going anywhere.”
I glance at Ryan, who’s frowning at me, and my heart sinks. “But I’m scared,” I admit, tears stinging my eyes. “I need you.” I know I’m working myself up, but I’m freaking out. What if something’s wrong with the baby? I can’t do this on my own.
“It’s going to be okay,” my mom says, tears welling in her eyes. She gives me another kiss, then looks at Ryan before she leaves. “Take care of our girl, please.” Ryan’s eyes widen, but he nods.
The nurse comes back in with another nurse. “Put those on,” she says to Ryan, pointing at the scrubs. “Nurse Rose is going to walk you to the OR while I wheel Micaela down and get her situated. Once she’s prepped, we’ll let you come in.”
A few minutes later, I’m in a cold room with a blue separator blocking my view of my belly. The doctor walks me through what he’s doing, but I’m not absorbing anything he’s saying, almost positive I’m having a panic attack.
“Hey,” a gravelly voice says. I turn my face slightly and find Ryan’s face only a hairbreadth away from mine. “Breathe, Micaela, you got this.” He takes my hand in his and squeezes it softly. “I’m here with you.”
“I’m really freaking scared,” I say through a sob.
“What do you need from me?” he asks in a voice that reminds me of our time together at the beach house.
“Can you stand and watch? Make sure the baby is okay, and take pictures?”
“I can do that.”
“All right, Dad,” the doctor says. “Get your camera ready.”
Ryan stands and pulls his phone out of his pocket. I can’t see the doctor or anyone else, so my eyes are trained on Ryan, watching his expression.
“And it’s a… boy,” the doctor says.
A boy. I have a baby boy. Ryan and I have a baby boy.
Ryan’s eyes fill with emotion, but he doesn’t take any pictures. And then it hits me. The baby isn’t crying.
“Ryan,” I say nervously. “Why isn’t the baby crying?” My heart is beating out of my chest, and it’s hard to breathe. Something is wrong. On every TV show I’ve ever seen, the baby comes out crying.
I hear the doctor and nurses talking, but it’s hard to make out what they’re saying.
“Ryan…”
“Everything is okay,” Ryan says tightly, his eyes never leaving whatever it is he’s looking at.