Micaela falls asleep on the way home, only waking up once we pull up and I shake her awake. Wordlessly, she disappears into her room, so I assume she’s going to pass out.
I change out of my clothes and throw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. I figure I’ll give her a little bit and then go check on her to make sure she’s okay and in bed.
“Is it hot in here?” she asks, stepping into my room a little while later. Her makeup has been removed, her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a pair of tiny pajama bottoms and a thin tank top that shows the outline of her hardened nipples.
Without waiting for me to answer, she floats back out of my room. I follow her to the kitchen, where she grabs a water from the fridge and downs half the bottle. “Ahh, that’s better.”
Snatching the blanket off the couch, she stumbles out the back door. She lies on the double lounger and glances up at me. “Watch the stars with me?”
When I hesitate for a moment, nervous as hell about being too close to her, she rolls her eyes. “I promise to be on my best behavior.”
Unable to tell her no, I join her. She throws the blanket over us and lays her head on my shoulder. Her warm body snuggles into my side, and my heart relaxes like it always does when she touches me.
“Did you have fun tonight?”
She nods into my shoulder. “It felt good to let loose. Felt a little like my old self.” She glances up and kisses my cheek. “Thank you, Ryan. I couldn’t have done this without you.” She lays her head back on my shoulder, and my heart sinks. Her thank you almost sounds like a goodbye, which makes sense since it’s already after midnight. Tomorrow we’ll be parting ways. She’ll go back home to her family and start over, and I’ll say bye to mine before shipping off overseas.
“Yes, you could’ve,” I tell her, giving her forehead a kiss. I inhale her sweet, comforting scent, praying that when I’m in the desert with my squad, I’ll remember what she smelled like. “But I’m glad I was here for you.”
“It’s hard,” she admits. “Like every second, every minute, I have to remind myself it’s okay to move forward.”
“But you’re still doing it.” I glance down and her warm chocolate eyes meet mine. “You’re laughing and smiling, and you’re talking about your future.”
“It took me fifteen months.”
“It takes strength to move forward from what happened to your husband. I’ve seen men turn to the bottle, to drugs. I’ve seen them destroy their entire lives over losing someone. So, it took you a year. So what. You still did it. You’re doing it, and I’m damn proud of you.”
Micaela’s eyes glimmer with unshed tears. “Thank you,” she chokes out, setting her head back on my shoulder. “It’s nice out here,” she murmurs lazily. “Maybe… we can… sleep…” She doesn’t finish her sentence, her words being replaced with soft snores. Closing my eyes, I inhale her scent one last time before I allow sleep to overtake me as well.
Ryan
Micaela peppers kisses all over my face…
Down my neck…
Along my collarbone.
She runs her hand down my torso, and I moan at her touch.
“Ryan,” she purrs, but her voice sounds distant.
I reach for her, but she’s not there. “Micaela? Don’t leave, please.” I need her close to me. When she’s with me I feel centered. The racing in my head calms.
“I’m right here,” she says, but I don’t see her. Where is she? Is this a dream? It must be…
“Open your eyes, Ry.”
I grin at the nickname. She’s never called me that before, but I really like it. I do as she says and her gorgeous face comes back into view. Only it’s sharper, more clear.
My hands, of their own accord, move to her hips, only to find her next to me. It’s then I realize my dream wasn’t really a dream…
“Micaela,” I groan, reality hitting me.
“Please.” She frames my cheeks with her soft, delicate hands. “I just want to feel you—our connection. I’m not asking for anything more.”
But what if I want more? I think but don’t say out loud.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know what this is,” she says, her voice strong. “When we leave tomorrow morning, I’m starting my new life with my new plans and I know they can’t include you.” Her words slam against my ribcage, cracking my heart wide-open.
“It’s not that…” Fuck, I want nothing more than to be part of her plans, but it’s just not possible…
“I get it.” She kneels next to me and presses her mouth to mine. “I know the score, and I respect you even more for resisting because I know you’re only doing it to protect me. But I don’t want to be protected. I don’t need to be protected. This built-up sexual tension between us is suffocating the hell out of me, and I…” She swallows thickly, her eyes locking with mine. “I just need to breathe.”