But I knew the only reason he was being ‘nice’ to me was because Gideon was reporting, every second of our days, back to Killian’s father. So, we had to play a little game. A pretty lie and a perfect ruse.
To show Gideon and William that we were finally getting along, slowly falling in love and finally acting like a real married couple.
Except, the truth couldn’t be further from that.
We were still very much volatile together.
Killian’s hatred for me still simmered underneath his skin, waiting for the right moment to burst through. His rage still flickered in his dark eyes. His smiles were as wicked and as cold as the winter days. There was a darkness in him that called out to me. But there was nothing romantic about it, for I was neither his light nor his peace.
In fact, I was the exact opposite. I was the reason there was darkness in him. His dead heart was my doing and I couldn’t undo it, not when Killian was still so hellbent on tormenting and exacting his vengeance.
I led Ragna out of her stall by her bridle.
Cerberus let out a loud breath and he perked up at the sight of Ragna. My mare strutted closer to Cerberus and they eyed each other with keen interest.
Like the tease she was, Ragna brushed her body against Cerberus and the stallion let out a snort in response. But Ragna was already prancing away.
My lips pressed together, holding back a laugh when my mare paused a short distance from Cerberus and Killian. Her attention was still on the stallion, but she was playing hard to get.
“You’re being difficult on purpose, my love,” I whispered to her, running my hand over her white coat.
“If your mare doesn’t stop teasing my stallion, I will have to do something about it,” Killian warned thickly.
“It’s not Ragna’s fault that your horse won’t take a hint,” I said.
Killian scratched his horse behind his ear and his voice had deepened when he spoke again. “Cerberus doesn’t play games.”
“And Ragna just wants some loving,” I shot back. “Maybe if your stallion wasn’t as grumpy as you…”
“Cerberus is fine the way he is,” Killian snapped.
I rolled my eyes. I guessed he was protective of his horse. Like I was with Ragna. At least we had something in common.
I took in the sight of Cerberus. He was almost twice as big as my mare. His black coat was shiny and he was imposingly tall. His mane was long and silky, as was his tail. “He’s a beautiful horse,” I praised and I meant it.
“He is,” Killian agreed, still brushing Cerberus.
I did the same with Ragna. “How did he come into your possession?”
“I found him as an injured foal about ten years ago. His front leg was broken and he was left to die in the snow,” he explained, giving the stallion a look that could easily be described as adoration. “I fixed him up and he grew attached to me. Didn’t want to leave when I tried to send him away to someone else. So, I kept him. He was brought to the island about four years ago. I don’t have much time to ride horses, anyway.”
Of course, he didn’t.
Killian was the heir to all of Spencer’s foundations and businesses, including all the wealth that came with it. His father was slowly starting to retire and now that William was practically on his deathbed, Killian was already taking over. He was a busy man, after all.
“Grace used to be scared of horses,” Killian said, his voice surprisingly soft. “You’re not.”
I swallowed against the lump that seemed to lodge itself in my throat. The fluttering in my stomach ceased and my muscles tensed. Every time Gracelynn had been brought up… my somewhat peaceful moment with Killian would fall apart, disintegrate into ashes.
And this time, Gideon was right there, tending to the other horses. He was within hearing distance and he was watching both us with keen attention.
Ragna lowered her head to me, bumping into my shoulder. I rubbed the side of her neck, giving her a gentle smile. “If you keep comparing Gracelynn to me, you’ll continue to find that we’re two completely different people,” I whispered.
“I see that.” His hoarse baritone voice reverberated through my bones.
I pressed my forehead against Ragna’s. She let out a small breath and I closed my eyes, my heart feeling heavier than ever. “We are both miserable in this marriage, Killian.”
He made a sound in the back of his throat, almost dismissively. “Miserable or not, you’re stuck in this marriage, Beasty.”
I hadn’t been talking about me though. Guilt charred inside of me, simmering like lava inside my belly. Killian deserved better than this fake marriage. He deserved a second chance at love… even though, that woman wasn’t me.
A shuddering breath rattled through my chest and I finally had the courage inside of me to say the one thing I had been dying to say since the day of our engagement.