"Band shit. It's not interesting." He rubs my shoulder. "I don't get to say I miss you. I don't get to say I love your laugh. Sounds like you shouldn't expect me to leave you notes telling you where I'm going to be."
He's making a compelling point. I hate that he's making a compelling point. I hate how reasonable he is. The acid churning in my stomach feels entirely unreasonable.
I am the one who demanded we dial back the feelings. Why can't my heart get on board with that?
I clear my throat. "You're right. As usual. Does it ever get tiring being right?" It's half teasing, half aggressive.
"Sometimes."
"Why did you come over last night?" I ask. "Why did you hold me and ask about my sister?"
"You called me." Miles looks up at me. "I'm respecting your terms, Meg."
"Is that what you want—for this to be all benefits, no friendship included?"
"It's what we agreed to." His expression shifts, back to cool and unflappable.
My heartbeat picks up. I still can't cause the reaction I want. But I can take my power back. I can be in the one in control of this.
"Excuse me. I need to change for the party." I nod goodbye. "I'll see you later."
His eyes stay on me, but, still, he says nothing.
* * *
Downstairs, the party is filling up. I plow through two dozen people to find Kara. She's already tipsy. Verging on drunk, even.
She slurs her words. "Sweetie, where have you been? Do you want a drink? You should have a drink."
Okay. Past verging and all the way into drunk. It's her birthday. Not the time for a lecture.
"Maybe later. Right now, I need my costume," I say.
"Right!" She bounces to her purse, digs through it, and hands me her car keys. "Knock 'em dead."
I change in the backseat of her car, stuff my clothes into a backpack, and dump it on the patio furniture. No matter how many times I adjust the costume, I feel uncomfortable. This thing is tiny. Gold bikini Princess Leia seemed like a good idea this morning. At the moment, I'm stuck on how many inches of skin I'm exposing.
I take a deep breath and check my reflection in the window. I look good. Nerdy but sexy.
I'm in control. I'm going to affect Miles.
After three more deep breaths, I make my way inside. The party isn't quite as crowded as the last one was. It's more college students than beautiful people. Nice of the band to let Kara invite all her friends to their place.
I fight my desire to hide from the action. Big smile, shoulders back, I'm confident. I may not love parties but I love having Miles under my thumb.
Tonight, I'm the casual, cool, effortless one.
Drew spots me and waves. I wave back, my best nice to see you, but please God leave me here on this couch alone wave.
It doesn't work. He strolls over and plops down next to me. He's dressed as a police officer. It suits him.
His tone is serious. "Can I ask you something personal?"
My heart thuds against my chest. Please don't let it involve Miles. "Sure."
"You miserable because you hate parties or because of Miles?"
Dammit. No luck today. "I'm not miserable."