The whole fucking world makes me think of her.
She's right.
Ryan is right.
But it's not enough to convince that other part of me, the part that doesn't trust Iris.
That hates Iris.
That hates how badly I still want to wipe her pain away.
* * *
Iris is sitting on my doorstep.
She's in that black dress, the one that's tight on her tits and loose around her hips.
I know every inch of that dress. Exactly how it feels against my hands. The smell of it—cotton mixed with her shampoo. The way it hugs her curves.
My body wakes up at the sight of her. It wants hers. That's something I understand.
My heart beats harder. My blood pumps faster. My limbs get light.
My body is a traitor.
But, fuck, it's good to see her.
She presses her palms into her thighs as she looks up at me. Her knees knock together. Then her toes. Her inner feet. Her heels. "I… I know this is crazy ex-girlfriend stuff."
"Yeah."
"I'll leave if you ask me to." She pushes herself up.
I offer my hand.
She takes it.
My body threatens to take over. To push every how can I trust her thought to the back of my head.
"I want to talk to you." Her fingers brush my palm as she pulls her hand to her side. "I want to explain."
T
he need in her eyes guts me.
I still want to wipe all her pain away.
And I still can't trust her.
"Can I do that?" She presses her lips together. "If you don't let me explain, I'll have to keep 'accidentally' running into you at Blue Bottle. And what if you're with some other woman? It will be awkward." She gnaws on her bottom lip. "I'll start yelling something like how could you move on so quickly? Did you ever care about me? Does she even know you're using her? Cause a big scene. Get all three of us banned from every shop on Abbot Kinney."
She still does something to me.
I hate that she does something to me.
This would be easier if I hated her. If that was the end of it. "That does sound awkward."
"And wrong, being deprived the best coffee near the shop." Her lips curl into a half smile. "Can I come in? Please? I'm running low on dignity at the moment, so I will stoop to begging."