This still doesn't make any sense.
I pull my arms over my head. Let out a heavy exhale.
That must be her.
Whatever it is, I'm not ready to hear it.
I'm not ready to piece this together.
My cell's notification light blinks. It mocks me with its brightness.
I turn over. Pull the blanket over my head. Block out every bit of light in the room.
It doesn't help.
My head keeps pounding.
My thoughts stay on her.
All the sincerity in her blue eyes.
How much of it was real? Was she high when she was with me? Did she sneak off to the bathroom to swallow a handful of pills?
I don't know what to believe.
I toss and turn forever. Eventually, my thoughts slow. I drift into an uneasy sleep.
I dream about her.
I wake up wishing she was here.
Fuck, this isn't how it's supposed to go.
I'm supposed to hate her more than I want her.
It should be like one of those angry breakup songs. How could you do this? How could you lie to me? I don't need shit from you anymore.
It is…
But there's this other verse.
Come back. Explain. I miss you. I need you. I'm pretty sure I love you.
I get up. Piss. Brush my teeth. Wash my face. Make coffee. It's good shit. French roast.
But it makes me think of her.
Everything I do as I get ready makes me think of her.
I check the time on my cell. It's early enough for this.
And there's her text.
Two words.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to believe it.