"I don't believe you."
"Well… I have." I'm not going to tell him. But I've done plenty of shitty things. Most of them are a blur, yeah, but a few are fresh enough to sting. "My parents are proud of me for everything. They act like I've never made a mistake. Like this fight between me and Lily will blow over any day now, even though it's been two years that she hasn't spoken to me."
"That must hurt."
"It does. But I deserved it."
"And now?"
"I don't know. I'd understand if she couldn't forgive me."
"For?"
"Lying to her." That's close enough to the truth.
He leans back. Taps the chair with his hand. "It was that bad?"
"Worse."
He raises a brow. "Not sure if I believe you."
"It doesn't matter. It's true. I was miserable after college. I hated my job. I was desperate to go to grad school, but I kept bombing the GRE. I started looking for other things to blame. Or ways to feel better. I lashed out at Lily a lot." When she was trying to help me get sober, but, hey, it's still true. "Said things you can't take back."
"Still. That's your sister."
"You've never considered cutting off your sister?"
His eyes turn down.
"I don't know what she's done. Or any of the details. But whenever you mention her—it's like your whole body goes tense."
"Am I that obvious?"
I nod. "If she makes
you that miserable…"
"Yeah." He presses his lips together. "I've considered it." He pushes himself to his feet. "We should go if we want to make the movie."
I nod. "Okay. You know, I'm not trying—"
"I know."
"I just… I do like talking to you. And you can talk to me. If you ever want to talk to someone about things. We are friends."
He nods. "Same goes for you." He offers his hand. "You'll be the first person I discuss this with. I promise."
I believe him.
I'm not sure what he means by this but I believe him.
Chapter Eighteen
Walker
My phone keeps buzzing.
I give up on ignoring it halfway through Blade Runner and check my messages in the bathroom. They're all from Bree. All drunken apologies and pleas for help. Not the kind of help she needs.