"I have no idea—"
"Changing the CD." I shake my head and let out a mock tsk tsk. "That's nearly cheating."
"Only nearly."
"You sure you don't want to go into law?"
She laughs. "Pretty sure." Her eyes light up as they catch mine then they're back on the road.
She taps her fingers against the steering wheel.
She shifts her hips in time with the beat.
I watch as the music takes hold of her body. She taps her toe. She sways her head. She hums.
It takes three songs for her to break enough to sing the chorus. It takes another verse for her to realize it.
"Shit." She laughs. "I never had a chance, huh?"
"Not one."
"When your body wants something... it's a lot of work to resist." She presses her lips together. "I'm sure you know about that. With recovery and everything."
"Yeah."
"You never talk about it."
"Yeah." I don't like thinking about it.
"But you must have a lot to say after two months on the road. That must be different. And now you're going to be home, in your apartment alone for two weeks. Have you ever done that sober?"
"Piper."
"Yeah?" She squeezes the steering wheel.
"You're a good friend."
"Oh." The joy drops off her face. She shakes it off and looks back to me with a smile. There's something in her eyes. She's figured something out. "I mean, thanks. You are too."
"But I'm still not talking about this."
She nods. "Yeah, right, of course."
She shifts her hips, her knees, her shoulders. But it's not the beat this time. She's sitting on something she wants to say.
I can see it in her blue eyes. She's practically screaming a good friend? Is that all?
"I don't talk to a lot of people either," she says. "But I do talk to you. I trust you. And I really do value our friendship." She says the word with care and intention, like she's making a point of reminding me she knows we're only friends. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. You can always call."
I nod. "That's a sweet offer, thanks."
"I mean it." Her blue eyes bore into mine. "If you ever really need to talk to someone... like if you're ever thinking about using, not that you're not doing well, just that kind of thing happens."
"It does."
"Well, promise you'll call me if you really need to talk to someone." She looks back to the road but her voice stays demanding. "Promise you'll call before you do anything stupid."
Stupid is a broad category, one that might include promising this kind of intimacy with her, but I know what she means.