Chapter 1
Violet
The manila envelope is thick. It's Violet Valentine, we are delighted to offer you admission to the New York University master’s degree in mathematics program thick.
For the first time in two months, my stomach isn't weighed down with dread. It's light. Airy.
I take a deep breath then exhale slowly. I should call Ethan for this. He can share in the moment. He needs the lift in mood as much as I do.
But my phone is up in my room and he's at practice. This is the band that is going to launch him to the stratosphere. It's not a line he uses to get me on board. I love the way he plays guitar.
I love the way Dangerous Noise sounds together.
Fuck it. I tear the envelope open. Shreds of manila flutter to the concrete path that cuts through my parents' perfectly green lawn.
There's something with thick, heavy paper in here. It's got to be a welcome booklet. It's got to be NYU enticing me to study in the middle of New York City, in a glorious purple sweatshirt, surrounded by life and energy.
It's three thousand miles away from here, yeah, but the only thing I care about here is Ethan and he's spending six of the next eight months on tour. What's it matter if he visits me here or in New York City?
One more deep breath and I can look.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I press my heels against the ground until the concrete is boring into my bare feet.
I'm ready for this.
I pull the papers out.
Ms. Valentine, we are excited to invite you to join our master’s degree in mathematics program starting in the fall. Your financial aid and scholarship information is enclosed.
I'm in.
I'm in and I have a partial scholarship. Between loans and a part-time job, I can make this work.
For the first time in two months, life is full of possibilities. This is everything I want. It's much better than the actuary job I have lined up. It's much better than staying at my parents' house to save money while I commute from Huntington Beach to Irvine for another few years.
It's the first piece of good news since Asher died.
I need to tell Ethan right away. I need to share my happiness with him. And I need us celebrating properly after.
The front door of Ethan's place is already open. I knock and step inside.
There's music coming from the practice room. I listen until I can pick out the sound of Ethan on lead guitar. My smile gets wider.
He has everything he wants. Now, I'll have everything I want, too.