They're talking in the main room. It's that loud whisper. The kind of thing my parents did when we were kids.
They go quiet. Footsteps move closer. Someone knocks on the door.
"Kat, can we talk?" Lizzy asks.
I push myself to my feet. Wipe the stray tears from my eyes. "Okay."
I open the door and Lizzy steps inside. She's wearing a long pink dress. She looks great, grown up. My little sister is going to be my maid of honor.
Another sob rises in my throat. This time, I don't push it away. That's a lost cause.
I wipe my tears. I try to smile like I'm happy.
"Don't bullshit me," Lizzy says.
I drop the smile.
Lizzy shakes her head. "This guy is tearing you to pieces."
"That's not true."
She lowers her voice to a whisper. "Does he even care that this hurts you?"
I wipe away a tear. There's no sign Blake cares. But Lizzy is being shortsighted. "It's for a lot of money. I can stand being miserable for a while."
"Does he know how you feel about him?"
"I don't feel anything."
"Don't lie to me. Or yourself." She stares into my eyes. "You deserve better than this."
"I can't leave him."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to be with him."
Her eyes go wide. "Oh. Kat… I'm sorry."
"I… I have to do this. No matter how much it hurts."
"Why?"
"For his mom."
"It's sweet… stupid, but sweet." She reaches for the door. "Let's go home. Talk. Eat ice cream."
I shake my head. "I have to finish this." All of it.
"Just walk now, Kat. Don't put yourself through this."
"It's not that bad. It's just… This makes me think about Mom. About how much I miss her."
Lizzy tilts her head, assessing my words. "You swear?"
"I do."
"Okay. Let's go home anyway. I have a test."
"No. I want to stay."
"Will you be okay alone?"
"Yeah." Maybe.
"You promise?"
I nod.
She stares back like she doesn't believe me.
Still, she opens the door and steps into the main room. "I love you, Kat."
"I love you too."
I pick myself up and step into the main room.
Natalie and Ashleigh are waiting. Staring.
I nod goodbye to Lizzy.
She disappears out the front door.
"Do you want a picture in that dress?" Natalie asks.
"No, this one is perfect," I say.
Ashleigh nods. "Excuse me." She stares at her phone and walks into the other room, shaking her head.
She calls someone in there. Blake probably.
Natalie helps me change out of the dress. She has a sympathetic look, but mercifully, she remains silent.
I change back into my clothes.
Natalie leaves to rearrange everything. I linger in the dressing room as long as I can.
At least here there's no one watching me, no one doubting me, no one deciding what's best for me.
My reflection stares back at me. Just Kat in here. Not the billionaire's fiancée, not the older sister, not the would-be artist. Just Kat.
I'm still not sure who that is.
That front door opens again. The bell rings. Again. There's a low voice. Ashleigh makes some dramatic noise.
I let out a sigh. She called Blake.
Like he's my dad and I'm a misbehaving child.
Or maybe like she's concerned and doesn't know what else to do.
Either way, I can't shake the feeling I'm about to get a lecture about being on my best behavior.
I adjust my sweater and step into the main room.
Sure enough, Blake is standing there. He's picture perfect in his sleek black suit.
"Let's get dinner," he says.
My stomach rumbles at the mention of food. My heartbeat picks up as I stare back into his piercing blue eyes. "Okay."
Ashleigh throws him a hurry up look. "Natalie will freak if you see the dress."
"Of course." He almost smiles.
Enough pleasantries. I push out the door. Outside, the sun is setting. Orange light streaks across the skyline. It's beautiful.
But everything around me feels ugly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
We eat at a very expensive Thai fusion restaurant. It's pretentious. The decor is a mix of gold Buddha statues and photos of farmers in Thailand. Like any of them could afford the prices on the dinner menu.
I pick at my red curry. It's delicious. Fresh shrimp. Crispy vegetables. Fluffy rice.
But my tongue is apathetic.
Blake is sitting next to me, but he feels a million miles away. I'm not here. Not really.
I'm stuck in my head.
I'm trying to convince my feelings to recede. It's less than a month until our wedding. I can survive a month of pretending.
Blake brings a broccoli floret to his lips and bites off the head.
He has a perfect business way of eating. It's patient. Neat.
I suck iced tea through my straw. This place doesn't have a bar. But then that's better. I don't need anything clouding my judgment.
What is he thinking?
What goes on behind those gorgeous blue eyes?
He catches me watching and raises his brow. "Do you want to order something else?"
I stab a shrimp with my fork and eat it whole. "No."
"Ashleigh was concerned."
"About?"
"I'm not sure. I didn't ask her to spy."
I study his expression the way he studies mine. I'm sure there's more to see on my face.
Blake is still a mystery, but his concern is clear.
He does care about me.
"I don't really want to talk about it." I stab another shrimp and eat it whole.
He brushes the hair from my eyes. The same thing he did last time. It calms me.
It should be a crime for someone to be able to calm me down or wind me up as easily as he does.
He stares into my eyes. "Do it anyway."
"I always thought my wedding would be more… real."
He nods.
"And my parents… I always thought they'd be there." I stab a red pepper. "I miss them."
"I'm sorry."
"Lizzy… she thinks I'm stupid to let you push me around."
"Is that what I do?"
"Sometimes." I chew and swallow my food. Half a plate to go. I will my appetite to return. This time last month, I would have killed for a meal like this. "She thinks I'm doing it for her."
"Aren't you?"
"Yeah. But she doesn't want me to… She still has this idea that I try to stay in control of everything." I press my fingertips together. I do try to protect Lizzy, but that's my job. She's my baby sister, even if it's been a while since she's been a baby.
His expression is intense. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. You and your sister aren't exactly on the best terms. I'm not sure I want your advice."
"I'd like to help you."
"You are," I say. "That money is going to change my life."
"But more than that." He stares into my eyes. Brushes my hair behind my ears. "I want to make you happy."
My stomach flutters. Blake has no idea what he's doing to me. He has no idea how unfair this is.
I take a deep breath. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" His fingertips brush my neck. My shoulders.
"Don't say sweet things."
"I do want to make you happy."
"Don't."
It's just like the pool. I'm about to be swallowed whole but, somehow, I believe it's going to be okay.
"I care about you," he says.
I close my eyes, soaking in the feeling of his hands on my skin.
I want all of it.
All of him.
"Blake. Don't. If you're going to w
hisper something, whisper a dirty promise."
He presses his lips to my neck. Then my ear. "I want to make you come."
My sex clenches. That's more like it. "How?"
"Pressed up against the wall begging for more."
I nod.
He slides his hand up my thigh. "Is this all you want from me, Kat?"
"It's all I'm going to get."
"That isn't true."
"Are you ever going to love me?"
"No."
"Then yes. This is all I want."
He kisses my neck again.
It's soft and sweet.
But it's sex.
It has to be just sex.
If I'm not careful, I'll get my heart broken.
I clear my throat. "Let's order dessert."
His composure breaks for a second. His brow furrows. It's like he's trying to figure me out. He glances at my now mostly empty plate and nods.
"Then I'll take the subway home," I say. "I haven't narrowed down my school choices, and I'm sure you have a lot to do at the office."
He stares at me. "No."
"What do you mean no?"