He nods. "You're a good negotiator."
"Maybe. I just want to survive this." I bite my lip. "My sister will hate me for lying to her."
"Your sister will understand." He stares at me with big, earnest eyes. "This is for her future too, isn't it?"
It's the first time I've seen him this earnest.
"Does your mother mean that much to you?" I ask.
"She means everything to me."
But lying to her…
Blake is right.
I already agreed to this.
But if he really does need me, I'm the one holding the cards.
I don't know Meryl. I don't know if she'd prefer a comforting lie over a hurtful truth. I have to trust that Blake does know her. That he's making the right choice.
I know my sister.
And she's not going to take lying. "I have to tell Lizzy. I tell her everything or I walk."
He stares back at me. "She's a kid. She'll gossip."
"She won't. And either way, I'm not negotiating this point."
Blake stares into my eyes, picking me apart.
"I want her to meet you. I want you to be friendly."
He nods. "I'll find a break in my schedule."
"Okay." I offer my hand.
He shakes.
Now this is on my terms too.
I arrive home at 3 A.M.
Lizzy is sitting on the couch with a worried look on her face.
"What the hell?" She pulls her phone from her pocket and opens her web browser to a gossip site. "Tech CEO Blake Sterling Engaged to Everyday Girl." She makes eye contact. "Quite the fucking compliment."
"It's a school night," I say.
"I'm not going to school tomorrow. I won't hear the end of it."
She stares at me like she's looking for a crack, something she can use to get me to confess.
I'm back in jeans and a sweater. Most of my fancy clothes are in Blake's apartment. He'll probably want me there soon. Until his mom… I don't even want to think it.
"We don't lie to each other. That's the deal, remember?" she says. "The two of us against the world, because the world is obviously against us."
"Of course." That's what I told her after the accident. When I realized how screwed we were. "It's still us against the world. I promise."
"Are you going to tell me what's going on here?" she asks.
"In the morning. I'm too tired to think straight."
"Kat, now. I'm not going to be able to sleep. This doesn't make any sense."
"In the morning. We'll get pancakes and walk around the gardens."
"I got this today." She goes to the kitchen table and picks up an envelope. "A scholarship from your boyfriend's company. Excuse me, your fiancé's company."
"That's great."
"Kat, you know I'll be happy for you. I'll support you in whatever this is, but only if you tell me the truth."
My chest tightens. That's what I want. Only I also want her respect. And I'm not sure I deserve it. "Okay, I promise."
"How the hell did you get me this scholarship?"
"You earned it."
"Bullshit." She slams the paper against the table. The whole thing shakes, and her glasses fall off her nose. The tough look on her face drops. "Okay, so I'm not pulling this off."
"You'd make a great bad cop." I take a seat at the kitchen table. "He suggested it. Said you'd be perfect for it no matter what, since you're a woman in STEM."
She wipes her glasses on her t-shirt. "I mean no offense by this, really, but did he suggest this while you were on your knees?"
"Really?"
"Really? I'm not the one suddenly engaged to a freakin' billionaire."
My sister thinks I'm a whore. Or maybe I am a whore. I'm fucking Blake because I want him. But the rest? He is buying something from me. Something that shouldn't be for sale. "We have an agreement. It has nothing to do with you."
"So he hasn't been your secret boyfriend forever?"
"No."
"You're not in love?"
"No."
"But you are having sex? I mean, I know you are. You keep showing up with a satisfied look on your face."
"We are. But that's not what he's paying for. I know how it sounds—"
"You don't have to explain." She folds the letter. "You deserve a break, Kat. And he's hot. Whatever he's paying for… I don't care. As long as you're happy. And as long as it's for you."
"It's for us."
Her expression gets serious. "Don't do this for me."
"You already have the scholarship. It's done."
"Kat! Will you fucking listen for a minute?"
"I am."
"No, you're not. I know you're obsessed with solving all our problems, and I appreciate that. I really do. But I'm an adult. I can handle things too. I can find a scholarship. Or take a loan. You've already sacrificed a lot for me. I can't take you giving up anything else."
But… this is for us. It needs to be for us or what the hell is the point of it?
"Kat?"
"Just take the scholarship."
She folds her arms.
"It's done, already. And this is for me too. I quit my job. Now, I'll have time to draw and run and live my life. And I'll be able to finally go to school. You're right. I want a break." Not as much as I want Lizzy doing well, but I do want it. "And I like Blake. I want to get to know him. And to sleep with him."
That gets her smiling. "It's that good?"
"Yes. But we're not talking about that—"
"Oh my God, we so are!" Her smile widens. "Let me see the ring." She takes my hand and stares at the enormous rock. "You know, his company is worth like ten or twenty billion dollars."
"I know."
"They have this side project. A chat bot they're testing on their IM program, to see if it can fool users. It's really cool." She releases my hand.
Figures my nerdy little sister is more interested in chat bots than in my fake wedding. Even if both are imitations of human connection.
"He wants to meet you. You could show him your chess bot," I say. "He loves chess."
Her cheeks flush. "I couldn't. That's like you showing your sketchbook to van Gogh or something."
"You really should go to sleep. It is a school night."
"And I'm skipping. It's public school. I can call in sick for myself. And there's no way I'm sleeping until I get all the details. About this arrangement. And about sex with a hot billionaire." She gets up and turns on the kettle. "You want black or green tea?"
"You can't tell anyone."
"I won't. I promise."
Chapter Thirteen
Once upon a time, before the accident, I would spend weekends exploring the city with my friends. It was exciting just to get out of Brooklyn.
It felt like there was an adventure waiting around every corner.
The last three years, I've been sorely lacking adventure. I work, I read, I play video games with Lizzy.
Whatever happened to what I wanted to do? When I was seventeen, my life was wide open with possibilities. Art school to turn my doodling hobby into a career. A state university to study something practical. English or business, maybe. My best friend, Belle, asked me to take a gap year to travel Europe with her.
It was such an exciting thought. The two of us zipping around Europe, taking in the sights, flirting with different guys in every country. After the accident, all that went out the window. Everything I wanted or needed went out the window. Taking care of Lizzy and keeping us afloat came first.
And now…
I have no idea how to spend my afternoon off. Lizzy and I had a long, chatty brunch, but now she's at work (she refused to quit) and I'm wandering around the park by myself.
I should be ecstatic that the weight around my neck is gone. No more waiting tables. No more mortgage hanging over my head. No more struggling with bills.
I am relieved.
But I'm restless too.
Like I don't have a direction.
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What the hell am I supposed to do with my time?
I pull my coat tighter as I lean in to examine a rosebush. Right now, it's all leaves and thorns. It's all the protection and none of the beauty. None of the life.
I'm the same. I've ignored my hobbies, my friends, my dreams. For three years, I've been a machine. Work. Sleep. Taking care of Lizzy.
What if there's nothing else to me?
What if there's no Kat when you strip away the girl desperate to get by?
I close my eyes and try my best to recall a typical week before the accident. School. Homework. Cross-country. I loved losing myself in a long run as the city whizzed by me.
In high school, I took every art elective I could. I was utterly indiscriminate. My parents discouraged art school. Wouldn't pay the bills. But the bills won't need paying soon. I can go to school, get a master's, take a job I love that pays crap. I can ask Belle to give me another chance and pay for a year in Europe.
This money is options.