"No," I say. I drop the phone. He's still talking, but I drop the phone.
Alyssa looks at me. I can't place the expression on her face.
I can't place anything.
She did it again.
I know she did it again.
I've been ignoring her. I've been gloating about Alyssa and me. I've been going on and on about Alyssa, about how much I love her, how much I'm moving on.
And she's stuck in her stupid parents' stupid summer home.
I've ignored her calls. Ignored her texts. I should have noticed. I should have seen something when I visited.
She did it again. And it's all my fault.
CHAPTER FOUR
The lights are off again. Everything feels so dark. This can't be possible. I was in Santa Barbara a month ago. Samantha was so happy. She seemed so okay.
We were sitting on the hardwood floor of her parents' house, playing rummy. She was sipping a glass of wine. And she looked fucking happy. She looked like she meant it. It was such a nice moment. Cool air. The clear blue of dusk. Just enough light that we could still see the cards.
"I met a guy."
"Where did you meet a guy?"
"At the store."
"You went to the store?"
"I know I'm staying with my parents, but I'm perfectly capable of driving myself to the store."
"Which store?"
"Whole Foods."
Of course she went to Whole Foods and not to any of the co-ops closer to Santa Barbara or Goleta. Of course she met some guy at Whole Foods. He's probably another rich yippie. Some business casual stockbroker who drinks green juice and drives a Tesla.
He'd be perfect for her.
And she laughed. For a minute, I saw a future for her. It was like the future I used to see for us, but it fit better. She and the stockbroker fell in love fast. He asked her fast. She said yes. The wedding was fast. And then a year later they had a kid, a dog, and a house on the beach. They had everything she pretended she wanted with me. Everything she really wanted with Edward.
She had hope again.
She stayed near her family. In Santa Barbara. Her parents were happy--they loved his clean haircut and his polite demeanor. They told her how proud they were--that she finally found a stable man, instead of some starter boyfriend.
She found a job at a law firm downtown. It was still corporate law, still boring, but it paid well and she felt important. She spent too much on designer suits.
She was happy. They were happy.
She didn't need me anymore.
"What about this guy?" I asked.
"He's a guy," she smiled. "It's nothing, but we're going on a date next week. You don't mind, do you?"
"Why would I mind?"