was going to say something sassy, but obviously thought better of it. She was as skittish as a horse, and while he had never been good with animals, he did know nervous submissives. He was convinced he could handle soothing her.
“Take a deep breath.” He watched as she followed his instructions. At least that was a good sign. “Another.”
By the time she had taken four deep breaths, she had relaxed a bit. Or at least she didn’t look as if she was going to run scared and screaming from the room if he said the wrong thing.
“Now, then,” he said. “You said you came to apologize, for what exactly?”
Her body tensed, but just a little, nowhere near as bad as it had been. “To begin with, for the way I left.” She shook her head. “I know it was wrong to just run off like that, without saying anything or talking about it.”
“That was a major disappointment,” he said, seeing no reason to lie to her at this point.
“I know.” She took a deep breath. “I was able to apologize to Nathaniel, and that was so much easier than coming here. I wondered why for a long time, but recently figured out why that was. Nathaniel was just a job, an employer. You are so much more to me.”
“Am I?” he asked. “Up until you left, I was hoping that was the case. But then you left with barely a word to me, and it’s been two weeks with no contact between us. So forgive me if I’m being an ass, but why today? What makes today special and not two weeks ago, or last week?”
Whatever it was, she wasn’t jumping up and down to tell him. Then it hit him, two weeks. Two weeks since he had last seen her, since they had last had sex. Sex that had been unprotected. He struggled not to show any emotion. Holy fuck. She was pregnant.
She was pregnant and she’d come back to him because she had nowhere else to go and she knew he’d take her in. He would, of course. But even though he wanted her back, he didn’t want her in his life this way. With him because she didn’t have a choice.
He braced himself for the words. The phrase that would tell him his life would never be the same. Would she grow to hate him? Despite the fact that she was stuck with him because he made the stupid mistake of not using a condom one time?
One time he’d messed up and now he’d screwed up her life forever. She must hate him.
Except, she wasn’t looking at him as if she hated him. He wasn’t totally sure what the look on her face was, but he was fairly certain it wasn’t hate.
“I started my period this morning,” she said.
The first thought through his head was How does she have her period? Pregnant women don’t get periods. Then it hit him.
“You’re not here because you’re pregnant?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I’m here because I’m not pregnant.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I suppose I’d be here if things had gone the other way.” She looked down at her lap. She was twisting her hands again. “But when I realized I wasn’t pregnant, I started to cry and I thought, how stupid is this? I don’t want a baby right now. And then it hit me—no, I didn’t want a baby. I wanted you. And if I couldn’t have you, I at least wanted a part of you.”
“Then why did you run off and leave me?”
“When I got back to the room that Saturday and saw the package, I thought you’d had something delivered to me. I didn’t understand why you sent me a video to watch, but since there was a DVD player, I thought you wanted me to, so I did, and when I saw . . .”
She didn’t have to tell him what she saw; he knew all too well. Hell, he’d lived it. He’d flogged Anna Beth and used a cane. By then he’d known she wasn’t into what he needed, so he’d cut the scene short and got her off. The video had ended with a blow job.
“But why get upset when you knew how I felt about her?”
“I don’t know. I just remember that at the time it made perfect sense.” She locked eyes with him, appearing to beg him to understand. He swallowed. It was too hard to ignore those pleading eyes. She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know if it was Nathaniel showing up or the emotions of the weekend, or what. Suddenly it was all too much to work through. I just had to get out of there.”
She’d obviously finished what she’d come by to say. Her mouth snapped shut, and she shifted her gaze back to her lap. He didn’t say anything either. He was too busy trying to process everything she’d said, as well as what she’d left unsaid.
“I guess we’ve both screwed up things between us,” he finally said. “Me, when I gave you that bogus reason for breaking things off with you the first time. And you, just recently when you ran out on us without even trying to talk things through.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe we should take it all to mean we aren’t meant to be. That the universe is trying to give us an unmistakable sign that we aren’t supposed to be with each other.”
He didn’t go any further with that train of thought, wanting to see instead how she’d react to it.
Her reply was low but unmistakable. “In that case, I hate the universe.”
• • •
The Delaware submissives had gathered in Abby and Nathaniel’s living room. Lynne had feared her presence would be awkward, though why exactly she thought that, she wasn’t sure. It actually seemed very silly with the warm reception she was given. It didn’t matter that other than Abby, she only knew Sasha and Julie.
She never liked being the center of attention, and though the new person in a group was often everyone’s focus, that wasn’t the case this time, thanks to Julie.
Since Sasha and Julie co-owned the floral shop they worked at, they’d driven to Abby’s together. Though Julie always seemed to be in a good mood, she was unusually buoyant.
“Damn, Julie,” one of the submissives Lynne didn’t know said. “Would you mind dialing the happy down a notch? Not all of us bathed in confetti and fairy sprinkles this afternoon.”
“You can talk until you’re blue in the face and it won’t do any good,” Sasha said, but from her smile, she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she looked like she was in on a secret only the two of them shared. “She’s been impossible all day.”
“I wouldn’t say impossible,” Julie said with a mock glare at Sasha. “I’d say high on life.” She turned to the other submissive. “And I didn’t bathe in confetti and fairy sprinkles this afternoon.”
“Yeah.” Sasha looked like she was having too much fun at Julie’s expense. “I’m not sure what she was doing this afternoon, but it wasn’t bathing. She came back to the shop after lunch and she had a hickey on the side of her neck. You just can’t see it now because her hair’s covering it up.”
Julie didn’t even blush. “Daniel was a bit . . . exuberant.”
Abby came into the room, carrying a tray of drinks. With a knowing look in her eye, she walked to where Julie sat and stood in front of her. “Have a drink?”
“Thanks.” Julie reached for one.
“Use your left hand.”
With those words, everyone’s eyes shot to Julie as she slowly raised her hand, revealing the large diamond ring she now wore.
“How’d you know?” Julie asked Abby as the room exploded with congratulations and Let me sees.
“I didn’t know with any certainty; let’s call it a hunch.” Abby put the tray down. “I should get some champagne out.”
Lynne had never thought she’d be having a champagne toast at a submissive group meeting. She loved the dynamics of the group, though. Everyone was friendly and down-to-earth, and there were a few introverts, just like her.
Once Abby brought out the champagne and everyone toasted Julie, they begged her to tell how Daniel proposed. Julie got a dreamy, faraway look in her eye as she recounted the events of the previous weekend.
Watching Julie talk about her Master and soon-to-be husband, Lynne knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted it all. And she wanted it with Simon. She didn’t care what the universe thought.
She told Simon that exact thing when she saw him later that night. H
e had asked her over earlier in the week. “I mean, you can’t let the universe get you down. Even if the universe is against us, I’m willing to bet we can overcome it.”
“You think?” They were sitting in his apartment, working on a puzzle. “You and me taking on the world?”
She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “Love conquers all. Or so they say. And I do—I love you, Simon. I think I always have. Even when you broke up with me, I never wanted anyone other than you.” She’d been looking at the scattered puzzle pieces on the table, but he was too quiet following her confession. She glanced up, hoping to get some feel on what he was thinking.
He was watching her with wonder and maybe a hint of surprise. It was the wonder that gave her the courage to continue.
“Is it possible, do you think, that you might feel the same about me one day?” she asked.
“I don’t think so,” he said, his voice void of emotion. “Not one day.”
She turned her head, not wanting him to see the hot tears that filled her eyes at his matter-of-fact statement. She tried not to