mentioned Daniel and Julie had been in the playroom. What happened?” Stay with me, little one, let me help.
Her spine straightened in resolve, but he had a feeling it was all for show. “I’m sorry if I worried anyone. Sometimes I have these little episodes. I never know what’s going to bring one on.”
“I remember you mentioning them when we talked about you rejoining the group,” Daniel said.
Julie cocked her head. “But you said they were rare. I didn’t know you were still having them.”
“Probably due to lack of sleep and everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours,” Sasha said.
Silence filled the room. Cole Johnson, the stillness seemed to whisper. He’s what’s happened in the last twenty-four hours.
“Maybe you need more time,” Daniel said. “We may have jumped into the retraining too quickly.”
“It’s okay if you want to wait, right, Daniel? There’s no rush.” Julie looked expectantly at her Dom.
What the fuck was she doing asking Daniel?
Sasha seemed to sink further into the seat and in that moment, Cole knew he would have to change his approach. He cleared his throat.
“Excuse me, Master Covington,” he said. “But I believe everything pertaining to Sasha and her retraining was placed under my oversight.”
“Yes, but—” Daniel started.
Cole held up his hand. “You’ve known me long enough to know I don’t take kindly to anyone second-guessing me. Now, I’m very aware everyone is concerned with Sasha’s well-being, but the group has entrusted me with her care. As such, unless Sasha says differently, I will be the one to decide how and when she is retrained.”
“My apologies,” Daniel said. “You’re correct.”
“Sasha, do you still wish for me to dictate the terms of your retraining?” Cole asked.
Her reply was immediate. She looked . . . pleased with the way he stood up for what he wanted. “Yes, Sir.”
“I would like for everyone in this room to acknowledge the meaning of Sasha’s acquiescence. There will be no more discussion of this.” He met Daniel’s eyes first, then Julie’s. At their nods, he turned to Sasha. “There’s been a change to your schedule. I’ll be in the guesthouse sitting room in ten minutes. You’ll be waiting for me there, fully clothed, and on your knees.”
• • •
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
The two words repeated themselves in Sasha’s head, drowning out all other thoughts. Realistically, she knew there was nothing to be worried about. Cole had asked her to fill out a new checklist, and she had fully intended to note the rare panic attacks she experienced. And though he had told her to kneel and wait for him, she knew they weren’t going to do a scene.
However, all that knowledge paled in comparison to Cole’s calmly spoken, but don’t-even-think-about-doing-differently command. Especially when it was delivered in that smooth-as-silk accent of his. She didn’t know if her body was closer to panic over kneeling for someone or melting into a puddle of goo over him issuing the command.
She let herself into the guesthouse. Since Daniel’s place was a popular location for both group meetings and play parties, she’d been in the house numerous times before. She didn’t bother to look around to see what changes, if any, Cole had made, but went straight to the sitting room and knelt on the rug.
She’d hoped that somehow her body would calm down once she made it to her knees. But it wasn’t to be. Her arms shook even after she placed her hands, palms facing up, on top of her knees. He had discussed positions earlier in the day at the coffee shop. She’d run through them in her head while driving with the hope that in doing so, she wouldn’t succumb to an episode.
She was close, she felt it threatening to take over. The old terror and the new uncertainty were too much. Too much and she’d been wrong, wrong, wrong to come back.
“Sasha.”
His voice was calm and gentle. She wanted to cling to it and never let go.
“Close your eyes and focus on my voice.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and pictured his voice as a bright light in the darkness.
“Inhale deeply. Then exhale and let all the fear go. No one will hurt you whilst I’m here.”
She took a deep breath, concentrating on the rush of air in and out of her body. The terror’s grip lessened.
“That’s it. Good job. Another one. Just the same.”
She inhaled again. She was safe. Exhaled. Safe.
“Again.”
Safe.
Her heart rate slowed. The terror disappeared.
“Again.”
Calm.
“There we go, little one. If you think you’re able, stay in that position.”
“I can stay here, Sir.”
He gave a soft hum of acknowledgment. “Take as much time as you need, and walk me through what happened when you knocked on the door and I answered.”
When she took another breath, she smelled his aftershave and knew he’d moved closer. He smelled the way she imagined midnight would: sexy and secret and sinful.
One more deep breath and she was ready. “I came to talk to Julie. I knew I should probably go home and take a nap, but I didn’t feel tired. I needed to talk to Julie.”
“What were you going to talk to Julie about?”
Her hesitation lasted only a second. “You.”
“I’m going to touch your shoulders and rub your back.” Two hands gently clasped her shoulders. His thumbs massaged the nape of her neck. The action was both soothing and sensual at the same time. His sure hands soon had her sighing in pleasure.
“Do I scare you?” he asked.
She thought for a minute. “No. I don’t think that’s it. It’s only that I haven’t figured you out yet. It keeps me off balance.”
His thumbs stopped their massage. “Might I suggest you grow accustomed to being off balance when it comes to me?”
She didn’t know how to reply to that, so she remained silent.
His thumbs moved once more. “Is it correct, therefore, to assume I wasn’t the trigger today?”
“I don’t think it was you, Sir.”
“You said you came to speak with Julie, I let you in and mentioned she had just left the playroom with Daniel. It happened soon after that.”
The whip cracked in the air and made contact with flesh. She was so cold. Her body shook.
“Sasha.” His smooth voice banished the memory. “Stay here with me, little one. Tell me what happened.”
Whenever he called her “little one” she felt warm and protected. “I remember.”
“What do you remember?”
“Daniel and the playroom. I think that was it.”
He was silent for a moment, yet his hands never stopped moving. Somehow his touch grounded her, kept her steady and safe.
“It was Daniel?”
“No, Sir.” She paused, just for a second, and then continued. “I was thinking about being in a playroom with you, though.”
“I see. So playrooms seem to be a potential trigger.”
“I don’t know, Sir. Maybe. I’m not feeling panicked right now.”
“I don’t know, either, but it’s something we’ll work on.” He continued rubbing her upper back and she allowed herself to sink into his touch, relaxing in a way she rarely permitted herself to.
When he’d told her he wasn’t going to fuck her, she’d hoped to feel nothing when he touched her. It would be easier to keep the lines clear that way. But now that she had experienced how his hands felt on her body, she knew she’d want to feel them again.
Stupid. He’s just being nice because you panicked. Don’t get used to it.
“You’re tensing up again,” he chided. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop.”
After a few deep breaths, she once more felt relaxed and loose—and mildly surprised it was so easy to obey him.