hands. “Don’t you see, I have to find out. I have to try. I see you and Daniel and how happy you are and I think, That’s due in part to me. I’m the one who urged you to join the group and I’ve watched you grow into a satisfied submissive and find peace with it. So call me jealous or greedy or whatever you want, but I had that once and I want it back. I need it back.”
Silent tears ran down Julie’s cheeks. “Promise me you won’t disappear inside yourself again.”
“I promise.” One lone tear escaped from Sasha’s eye. “If I feel a panic attack coming on, I know what to do. I’m not defenseless.”
Listening to her talk and seeing how she responded to Julie, I believed Sasha was ready. I vividly remembered how it was to long for domination and not have it. It was time for Sasha to return to the group. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to Dena, and she caught the movement and looked my way. I tilted my head toward Julie and Sasha and nodded. Dena smiled and returned the nod. She thought so, too. I would have to give my opinion to Nathaniel.
Julie stood. “Dena, will you talk to Jeff about Sasha attending? I’ll do the same with Daniel. And, Abby, you and Nathaniel will be revising the requirements for inclusion in group?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll talk to him about being sure there are rules in place that will allow Sasha to feel safe when she attends.”
“Thank you,” Sasha whispered.
“I feel like I’ve been out of it the last few weeks,” Dena said. “Is Peter still in the group? Will he be there?”
Sasha cringed at Peter’s name.
Julie sat down at Sasha’s side. “Yes, he’s still in the group. Master Greene hasn’t released him from mentoring yet, and he could come to the party. I don’t know if he will.”
“Maybe I’ll suggest to Nathaniel that it’d be a good idea for Master Greene to keep Peter from attending this party.” I looked over to Sasha. “Or is that overstepping my bounds? I think if I were in your place, I wouldn’t want him there the first time I returned.”
Relief washed over her expression. “If you don’t mind, that would be great. My fear of running into him again is part of what’s held me back. I know I have to face him, but it’s all about baby steps. I think it’ll be easier to meet with the group and then deal with him than to deal with him and then meet with the group.”
I nodded. “I agree. You shouldn’t do them both at the same time, and group first makes sense to me.”
“We’ll all be there for support, Sasha,” Julie said. “You won’t be alone.”
“You guys are the best.” Sasha looked as if she might cry again, but she blinked and nothing rolled down her cheek. “Now let’s talk about something fun. Dena, tell us about all your wedding plans.”
Chapter Six
NATHANIEL
Abby was out with Dena and her other friends from the Partners group, and I was having a tea party with Elizabeth and Henry. The children had somehow lured Apollo into joining us and they’d grown too quiet in the few minutes I stepped out of the room to make a quick call.
There were hushed whispers as I returned to Elizabeth’s room, but then I heard Henry squeal, “Pretty!” and I knew I’d come to Apollo’s rescue just in time. I stepped inside to find Apollo with a pink feather boa around his neck, a pink “Princess” sash draped over his shoulders, and a sparkling pink tiara tied to his head. He looked at me as if to say, Pink really isn’t my color. Make them stop.
“How’s the tea party going?” I asked Elizabeth, who was dressed in a princess gown and a pair of Abby’s old shoes.
“Henry won’t wear his crown,” she said.
At the mention of his name, Henry smiled and pointed to Apollo. “Dada, he’s pretty!”
“Yes, Apollo certainly looks very pretty, but I think he needs to rest now. He’s old, you know, and playing princess tea party is hard work.”
“Is Apollo really, really old?” Elizabeth asked. “Like ten?”
“He’s closer to twelve,” I said, laughing inside that ten was really, really old.
“That is old.” She walked to Apollo as best she could in the shoes and started de-princessing him. “Go rest with Daddy, Apollo. We can play tea party later.”
Once he was no longer decked out in pink, Apollo stood up and shook, then trotted over to me. “Let’s go take Apollo outside and we can play on the swings.”
“Cookie. Please,” Henry said.
I glanced at my watch. “Too close to dinner. Mommy wouldn’t like it if I let you have a cookie now. Eat a good dinner and we’ll see.”
“I have cookies,” Elizabeth said, pushing an empty plate toward him.
Henry looked down and, realizing they were only imaginary cookies, told her, “Fix it.”
Elizabeth tried to explain why imaginary cookies were better and Henry didn’t believe her one bit. But he didn’t complain. They played together really well, at least most of the time.
Growing up as an only child, I’d always wanted a brother or sister. Then my parents died when I was ten and I lived with my aunt and uncle. Their son, Jackson, had been like the brother I’d never had. I’d always known that if I ever had children, I’d want at least two.
“Let’s go.” I picked Henry up to carry him down the stairs and Elizabeth followed with Apollo.
Later that evening, after Abby returned home from lunch with her friends, I pulled into Daniel’s driveway. He’d called while the women were at lunch and asked if I could stop by his house for a little bit. I’d just gotten out of the car when I heard voices near the patio.
“How long is Cole going to be at the guesthouse?” The question was voiced by a woman I didn’t recognize.
“I don’t know.” That sounded like Julie. “He’s been gone a lot. Traveling different places. I really can’t keep up with him.”
“Does he have a lot of … people over?”
“By people, do you mean women?”
There was a tight laugh and then, “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“I haven’t seen anyone stay overnight, but that doesn’t mean he’s not inviting women over to play.”
“Just wondering.”
Julie sighed. “You know Cole’s reputation in the playroom, don’t you, Sasha?”
“I’ve heard some things.”
“From what I’ve picked up on, they’re all true,” Julie said. “Do you think about playing when you picture yourself back with the group?”
There was nothing from Sasha and I wanted to make my presence known before they started chatting again. I walked quickly, covering the distance in a few long strides. Turning the corner, I found them working in the garden that ran along the front porch.
“Hey, guys,” I said.
Julie sat back on her heels and smiled. “Hey, Nathaniel. Daniel said you were coming over. He’s in the sunroom at the back of the house. If you follow the walkway around, you’ll find him.”
“Thank you, Julie.” I glanced at Sasha. She’d put her shovel down and was looking at the dirt. Abby had told me about her conversations with Dena. I still had reservations about Sasha rejoining, but wasn’t sure exactly why. “Hello, Sasha.”
She didn’t look up. “Hello, Sir.”
“I prefer Nathaniel when we’re not with the group.”
She lifted her head, and a mischievous grin crept across her lips. “Does anyone ever call you Nate?”
“Not if they want a reply.”
“I didn’t think you looked like a Nate.”
I grinned. “What does a Nate look like?”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just know it’s not like you.”
“Sasha,” Julie said. “Come help me carry these empty planters to the greenhouse.”
The two women went back to their gardening and I followed the path around the house to the sunroom, finding Daniel exactly where Julie said he’d be.
He saw me and opened the door. “Hey, Nathaniel. Come on in.”
We took our seats at the dining table and I noticed a pi
le of paperwork at Daniel’s place. He picked it up and flipped through