He nodded. “Sad to live a life filled with regrets.”
“Yes, but don’t you see? There were two people in the relationship. It didn’t just fall apart because of something you did. And if you can think of things you would have done differently, I’m sure Kate can, too.”
“I’m sure of it, but that doesn’t change the fact that children aren’t an area you can compromise on.” He snorted as if remembering something. “And though I’m somewhat of a—what’s the word? Oh, yes: ‘badass.’ Even though I’m a badass in the playroom, I’d like to think I’m a reasonable man otherwise.”
They caught each other’s gaze, and for a few seconds the room hummed with anticipation. Dena gave him a once-over. He was undoubtedly a breathtakingly handsome man. His dark brown hair was just long enough to curl slightly at his collar. His eyes were a deep bluish green that could change from warm to cold and unyielding in seconds. But it was the sculpted cheekbones and angular jaw that set apart his face and made him look so uniquely handsome.
His lips curled into a seductive smile, and she realized he’d been appraising her, too.
“Why have we never played together, Dena?” His voice was a promise of pleasure and sin that wrapped her in a warmth she’d never thought she’d feel again.
“Seriously?” She was surprised at how husky her laugh sounded.
He took her hand. She didn’t stop him. “The playroom is empty and I have all afternoon. Would you like to join me there?” His thumb stroked her palm. “I can give you pleasure, Dena. Allow you to forget for a while.”
His words made her shiver. She bet he could, and she let herself imagine it. He would be tough and demanding, probably more so than Jeff. Cole promised an afternoon of sexual delights with no strings. She was so tempted.
“I don’t know,” she confessed.
He stroked her cheek with his knuckles and she leaned in to his touch. “When was the last time you played? And not in a training scene.”
“Almost two weeks ago. With Jeff. You?” She wouldn’t allow him to hide; if he demanded truth from her, he could offer the same.
“There were several willing submissives in India.”
Of course there were. She was willing to bet he rarely had an empty bed if he wanted company. Unlike her bed, which was perpetually empty.
He was a knowledgeable and experienced Dominant, one who promised a few hours of stolen pleasure. His touch would be nothing like the mentees she worked with under Daniel’s supervision. Maybe an hour or two with Cole was exactly what she needed.
Telling herself she wasn’t going to think too much about it, she stood up and dropped to her knees beside his chair. She closed her eyes when he stroked her hair. The touch brought to mind faint echoes of Jeff. Cole’s hand was rougher, but with her eyes closed, it might be easy enough to pretend.
“What are your limits?”
“Master Covington has a copy of my checklist in his office.”
The hand in her hair tightened. “I didn’t ask for your checklist, sub. I asked what your limits are. And I expect to be addressed as ‘Sir.’”
She nearly groaned. Yes. This was what she needed. His response was similar to what Jeff’s would have been. “Sorry, Sir. Blood play, breath play, knives, body fluids, and fisting are hard limits.”
“Noted. I’ll discipline you for those two trespasses once we make it into the playroom. What’s your safe word?”
“Win—”
She froze.
When she played with Jeff, they used “wings.” Whenever she played with someone else, she used “red.” That she almost gave Cole “wings” as her safe word stunned her. She looked up at him in shock.
“Dena?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.
He wasn’t Jeff. He never would be. No one would be.
Not even with her eyes closed.
She shook her head and stood. “I’m sorry, Sir. I can’t.”
Cole didn’t say anything.
“It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us,” she said. “We both know if we went into that playroom, it wouldn’t be just the two of us. There’d be four people present.” As much as she had imagined him to be Jeff, she knew there was a good chance he pictured Kate in her place. “We deserve better.”
He sat and thought for a long moment. “You do at least,” he finally said, then looked at her with a serious expression. “Do me a favor and ask yourself one last time why you’re here and then think about whether that reason is worth what you’re giving up.”
“Sir?”
He stood. “You’re living with a ghost. Either bury it once and for all, or banish it by fighting for the real thing.”
A week after her talk with Cole, Julie and Sasha came to visit her at the Wests’ estate. Abby welcomed them inside. Nathaniel took one look at the group of women gathering in his kitchen and told Abby he was taking the kids out for ice cream.
As much fun as it was to sit, drink wine, and gossip with her friends, Dena found that Cole’s words from the week before refused to leave her alone. They had run through her head nearly nonstop. They taunted her at work. And at night they echoed in her empty room, keeping her from sleep.
She’d thought she’d done the right thing by letting Jeff go. She’d given him up so that he could take the business over from his father. She told herself it would have been selfish to ask him to stay. If she thought about it enough, she could almost convince herself it was noble of her to sacrifice him like that.
During the day when she was busy, she could convince herself she’d made the right choice. But at night, when there was only herself to listen, she knew better. The truth was, Cole was right; she had let Jeff go because living with his ghost was easier than facing her fears and fighting for the man.
It was useless to try to keep her thoughts hidden from her friends. They were always able to see through her.
Julie raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re awfully quiet today. It’s not like you.”
“Just a lot to think about.” She had told her friends about the call she’d received and how the voice sounded familiar.
“Have you figured out who you thought it sounded like?” Sasha asked.
“No.” She hadn’t, which was irritating. “I keep thinking if I try harder, I’ll know. But no luck so far. And I feel so guilty. I know Jeff’s working on it, and he shouldn’t be. He needs to be with his dad.”
“It’ll come,” Abby said; then, as if sensing Dena didn’t want to talk about it, she looked to Julie. “How’s Daniel’s grandmother?”
“Doing much better, thanks. He’ll be able to do the next session with Ron.” She laughed. “Just as well. I think Cole scared him.”
“Probably good for him.” Dena knew she should talk about it, and this was her chance. “Speaking of Cole, I had an interesting conversation with him the other day.”
“Oh?” Julie poured herself more wine. “He’s c
ertainly an interesting guy.”
“I can’t imagine talking with him,” Sasha said. “He seems so … different. But in a hot way.”
Julie shook her head. “He’s a nice guy. Out of the playroom, that is. I can’t imagine submitting to him.”
“I almost did,” Dena quietly admitted.
Her three friends stared at her in shock and spoke at the same time.
“You did?”
“What about Jeff?”
“No way.”
Dena nodded. “After the mentoring session we did together, after Ron left, Cole found me in the kitchen and we just started